ProcessingThisBU Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I have a question for some of you... Sometimes why we keep making stories about how wonderful is the life of the dumper when they're with someone else??? I mean, when you get no information, and you are in NC, sometimes we tend to think that they are doing great, and we don't even know... Does this happen to you? Is low self esteem? What do you think? I have a bad case of doing this, and when I do this I only feel low, but I can't figure out why I do this. Any help will be appreciated. 1
FoolHeartedMan Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I have a question for some of you... Sometimes why we keep making stories about how wonderful is the life of the dumper when they're with someone else??? I mean, when you get no information, and you are in NC, sometimes we tend to think that they are doing great, and we don't even know... Does this happen to you? Is low self esteem? What do you think? I have a bad case of doing this, and when I do this I only feel low, but I can't figure out why I do this. Any help will be appreciated. I do this as well. I should say however, that I was the one who initially dumped my ex girlfriend. After, I tried to get her back but she wasn't having it and I ultimately fell like I was the one who was dumped. But to answer your question, I always think about how shes possibly doing so much better now. I've been in NC for about 8 months and it's still very hard for me to get over her. I believe we do this because we haven't really found something in our lives to make us feel great and excited. It sucks I know 1
Smarty Pants Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Yeah I did this for a month or two. Then I stopped caring. Also my ex looked horrible the last time I saw her so I doubt her life is all that great right now. 2
me85 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Well, up until 2 days ago, I was in constant contact with my ex (who is with someone else & has been for 6 months---he ended things with me for her.) Anyway, I basically told him to get bent and to stop contacting me. I know he's not truly happy in his new RS because he was sexting me often and telling me how much he missed and loved me. I finally regained my dignity after an entire year and sent him a pretty direct email that he hasn't responded to...yet. But he will. He always contacts me. He refuses to let me go. It's sick. Everytime I ask him to leave me alone he says "I can't promise I'll be able to." So I'll probably have to block him...yet again. So to answer you're question more clearly, I felt the same way you feel-months and months ago but didn't care much because I've been dating other men. Every now and then I would stop and think, "It sucks he's happy without me and happier with her." but those moments were few and far between because I know better. If he was really happier without me he wouldn't still contact me and tell me all the things he tells me. I take great comfort in knowing 100% without a doubt that one day he will come running back to me because he always does. All of my exes came back but by the time they did it was too damn bad for them and too damn late. Same will go for my current ex.
leavesonautumn Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Yeah and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we haven't found a more constructive use of our time or what we think about. Not necessarily a new person but anything that's a positive influence. Things can seem great on the surface but if we're still suffering inside, then there's obviously something we need to change. My ex didn't leave me for someone else, it was just pressure of the relationship and we haven't spoken since so I have literally no idea what he's up to but yes, I will make up these stories about how happy he is, he's dating, he's meeting new people and finally actually leaving his house. But then the fact remains that he's probably still just playing video games in his mom's basement alone like he has his entire life other then when he was with me. At the end of the day, we just literally do not know what they're doing or thinking and I'm not sure if it makes it easier or harder. All I can do is force myself to think about something else but it's not always easy. 1
BUBS Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I think a lot of us just assume this because we assume if they choose not to come back to us when we were their partner or someone they used to confide in, then they are happier without us, and to defend ourselves we assume it translates to their entire life. Its all insecurity. During a break up you tend to see things that lacked in the relationship, maybe you were a homebody so you assume now that theyre single they are happy because they are going out and living this crazy life that you feel you pulled them away from. Maybe you were pushy or liked to pick fights because you didn't want to be walked on, we assume that now they are soooo relieved and happy because no one is jumping down their throat. Maybe you two were connected at the hip, so you assume when it ends that they are happy because they get to have time to themselves and time for other loved ones in their life. Most people just assume that because they arent coming back their lives are 100% better. It's all about perception and nothing is black and white even though we feel it is. I spent most of my day assuming he's like a kid in a candy shop right now, free reign to go party every night, hook up with girls at concerts, talk about interests that I couldn't relate to, kick it with his boys with no one bitching, so on and so forth (and some of this may very well be true if not all of it) but I've dumped people before where I was confused and miserable after but i never told anyone because I was stubborn or because I over thought it and assumed if I went back that the relationship would never be the same anyway (which is true in some respects) 1
somedude81 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I hope my ex is suffering and that men will hurt her for the rest of her life.
True Gent Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Up until the night she came crying to me actually terrified of what her new BF might do to her in the night back in February, I would of probably been imagining that things were pretty peachy for her. However I know quite a few things about her life and the BF she actually went back with after he acted totally unacceptably towards her that night a few months back. I'm quite happy in the knowledge that her life isn't great, all parts of my life are better (I know this for a fact). The only difference is I'm single and she's with a douche, that's no biggie. That will fall apart at the seams sooner or later and this time I'm not going to be her comfort. I know I'll see my day with this, It's just a matter of time. In the meantime who gives a damn anyway? Just because they left you doesn't automatically make their life a bed of roses. 2
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