I've fallen in love with a girl who has a boyfriend, she feels the same way....

[Jono85]

dude, you're 25, never been in a relationship, and never been kissed for an obvious reason. you're a sucker. i thought i was a sucker, until reading your story; so thank you for that brief boost of self-esteem.

 

you refuse to listen to anyone's advice and continue with your sucker ways. did you ever think maybe if you want DIFFERENT results, you need to try a DIFFERENT methodology?? we are all proposing a different methodology and you're dead certain to keep waiting and being her friend/emotional tampon/emotional affair. it's never going to work like that.

 

you need to drop her, asap. as a friend, as everything. that being said, like someone else said, you both have sh*tty morals so i don't think she's necessarily wrong for you. that also being said, i'm going to stop typing now b/c we all know you didn't come here to seek advice and follow it, you came here seeking validation for your f*cked up morals and absolutely horrible strategy for attracting women, and you received none of that. good luck.

[Diezel]

I have a few female friends, more than male...

 

They are giving you poor advice based on their own crappy decisions.

 

Delete all those people from your life.

[preraph]

If she leaves her current boyfriend and is with you and then keeps talking to him or other men during your "not married, so she's available" dating phase, how are you going to feel about that? Because that's what she's doing now to him. I can't make any judgment about whether he is good to and for her. No way of me knowing. If you've been best friends since way before she met her current man, then I get what you're saying to some extent, but what has kept you from being more before and why is it different now? Trying to be romantic with established friends often backfires. I know because I've tried it and lost a friend that way. The chemistry really wasn't there past friendship and that could be what happens to you when you try it -- or not. Some people do have success building from old friendships. Just seems like it would have led somewhere before now.

 

You need to flat out ask her if she feels strongly enough about you, then why is she still with her boyfriend and find out the answer to that. I don't have much respect for women who overlap (or men) and wait to get a commitment from the second one before they'll dump the first one because for women it's often for monetary reasons or they're really emotionally needed and have to have someone all the time, which gets old, and with men, it's often just for sexual reasons. You need to talk it out, find out if she's willing to make a clean and total break or not and that should tell you if she's just emotionally needy and reaching out to various people to fulfill her own needs or if she's genuinely ready to leave him for you. I wouldn't give her much time at all to decide, like a week, and then if she doesn't decide I'd totally bail on her and tell her now you need separation from her so you can refocus and find the love of your life.

 

P.S. Being afraid of your boyfriend is the best reason to leave, not a good reason to stay, so that's no excuse.

Edited June 27, 2014 by preraph

[Purepony]

We joked a few weeks ago that we mustn't ever fall for each other (tongue in cheek) but we ended up falling for each other and things got complicated in the beginning... but we always speak throughout every day and things have kind havent gotten complicated... we tell each other everyday how much we really like each other... I didnt plan to feel like this... it just happened... I didnt see her as a potential girlfriend or love of my life... until about a month ago... then I kept on denying it always until we got into kind of an argument, and I reacted by spilling my heart out to her... to which she told me back the morning after... TO MY SURPRISE!!! I care about her with all my heart... and I WILL respect her decision when it comes to that... and WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER!!! but if it happens that we never shall be together... then so be it I guess... it isnt selfish... Me like her... we are both VERY selfless and I care about what she wants... if its not me... Then we will always be friends forever.

 

OK obviously the op is 10 Years old and she's 12 and running the show.

 

Here's the reality.... it takes seconds to make a decision, she knows what he has in you and him and yet she is still with him. I'm in a similar situation and when I pull away she comes back... maybe you should start pulling away because she won't leave him for you from what I'm gathering

Edited June 27, 2014 by Purepony
Spelling

[Purepony]

dude, you're 25, never been in a relationship, and never been kissed for an obvious reason. you're a sucker. i thought i was a sucker, until reading your story; so thank you for that brief boost of self-esteem.

 

you refuse to listen to anyone's advice and continue with your sucker ways. did you ever think maybe if you want DIFFERENT results, you need to try a DIFFERENT methodology?? we are all proposing a different methodology and you're dead certain to keep waiting and being her friend/emotional tampon/emotional affair. it's never going to work like that.

 

you need to drop her, asap. as a friend, as everything. that being said, like someone else said, you both have sh*tty morals so i don't think she's necessarily wrong for you. that also being said, i'm going to stop typing now b/c we all know you didn't come here to seek advice and follow it, you came here seeking validation for your f*cked up morals and absolutely horrible strategy for attracting women, and you received none of that. good luck.

 

 

I have to agree with this poster! If you continue to be a sucker pretty soon you'll be 35 and still a virgin. Don't wait for anyone trust me! If they want you they will find you

[BDL]

Go and pursue her, is my advice.

 

Then when she cheats on you and you get your heart broken, you will finally learn your lesson to never be butthurt or pine over girls like these.

[d0nnivain]

GregMarine

 

 

My husband is a Marine so I'm going to try to talk to you like Marine.

 

 

You need to go into this with your eyes wide open. Right now you are operating on faulty intel, which is bad mission planning & something that should have been drummed out of you in Boot Camp.

 

 

First, she's not a "genuine nice girl" nor is she "loyal". She is at the very least emotionally cheating on her BF with you.

 

 

Second, she's not very decisive. She needs to vote with her feet: either break up with her BF or stop talking to you. She can't have both & you shouldn't want to settle for half.

 

 

Third, if she cheats WITH you, she will eventually cheat ON you.

 

 

Does she still sound so wonderful?

 

 

Think about the Marine motto: God, Country, Corps. Do you see me, me, me, I, I, I in there anywhere? Would you trust her with your life (heart) the way you would your Marine brothers? Where in this fiasco have you seen her demonstrate that level of dedication & decisiveness to anything? If you are going to do this, I'd get some body armor for your heart because it's gonna get blown to smithereens.

 

 

If you are still on active duty, do you really think she can be trusted to sit & wait for you at home if you get deployed? Before you answer that go to the O club or E club on base & determine how many married women are in there looking for a little something on the side while their guy is deployed. They will be her new best friends & roll models.

 

 

good luck.

[No Limit]

I'm 25, Honours degree, haven't been in a relationship! haven't been kissed yet either... yeah I don't know a lot about relationships, I AM NAIVE AND IGNORANT TO THE FACT... but I believe in Love... I know its childish, But I do, I believe passionate love exists... so you don't have to tell me i'm childish and immature... I know I get myself into stupid stupid situations like this, not often... last one, not identical was about 4 years ago... but what we have regardless of the situation... is special... I know it is... I have to have hope "YEAH DON'T HOPE OR HAVE EXPECTATIONS" But I love her... so... I don't have many friends, 2 of which were in the same situation where they had to choose between their current boyfriends or the another guy... they both chose the other guy... why? because if you can fall in love with someone else where (YOU KNOW HE WASN'T THE ONE OR THE RIGHT ONE) they chose the other guy, both... have been in their relationships for years now... One is getting married to the other guy... So I have hope... I have to believe I GOT to believe.

 

You are desperate, and this manipulative b!tch you call the "love of your life" has sensed it and is shamelessly taking advantage of it.

 

As soon as your heart will be broken, please just don't become one of those guys that cry "Ugh women are terrible". Other than that, since I assume you're just going to follow your own nose, good luck, you're gonna need it.

[KatZee]

Been there, done that.

 

Unfortunately I've been in this situation. Although in my case, I didn't realize the guy I was talking to had a girlfriend. I didn't find out until about three months into our "thing."

 

He was in the same predicament. Falling for me. With his gf for years. He wound up leaving her, for me. I let him.

 

Well, lets just say, I was NOT shocked when he did the exact same thing to ME, almost three years later. Met someone else, had an emotional affair for a little bit, and when it was cemented with her, threw me out just like he threw out his girlfriend before me.

 

Don't think you're something so special. You're not. If she left him for you, she will eventually get bored of you, get close to someone else, and do it all over again.

 

That's why they're called "patterns."

[jbelle6]

Diezel... I've never had a girlfriend and every potential girl I've liked I've screwed up with... 25, virgin, never been kissed... shes my best friend and she has cried on the phone to me telling me she should not do this... that we should not speak anymore... she doesn't want to do this... but there is some major connection we have and we cant keep apart... we both at the same time said that what we have is identical to the moment in The Notebook (DON'T LAUGH), When Noah and Alley are in that moment when she is engaged and she is torn between 2 people. I have liked girls in the passed... but this!!! THIS IS REAL!!! and I cant hide from it!

 

 

 

 

Just a note of trivia. This is the 4th Notebook reference I have read on here in less than 3 days.

[bubbaganoosh]

First and most important. She told you about her current boyfriend and gave you the run down on all his faults.

 

You know there's always two sides to every story and you only heard one side and decided to take it as gospel truth.

 

Now if she's such a great girl, then she wouldn't be messing with you behind his back. That isn't a quality woman and if she dumps him to be with you, then you better always remember how you two got together, and that was through lies and deceit and when some other guy comes along, be prepared to be filling the shoes of her ex. See how you like it.

 

Friend, you better open your eyes and rather than look at her from the neck down and visualize what she has under her clothes, it would be in your best interest to visualize what she has in her heart and mind. She likes burning the candle at both ends and stringing two guys along to build her ego.

 

It's your life and you do what you want but your getting all kinds of warnings here so now it's up to you. Think with your big head or your little one.

[giblesp]

How exactly has she fallen for you if she's having sex with another man?

 

How is she such a nice girl who doesn't want to hurt anyone, when she's betraying her BF and leading you on?

 

Stand up for yourself and don't take this sort of BS from people. You're being used for emotional validation and a cheap thrill.

[giblesp]

So your advice, if I should follow it... I should basically leave her... never talk to her again? because I wont just be losing her as a potential girlfriend and love of my life... I'd lose my BEST FRIEND!!! that's the dilemma I'm in!!! I wont completely back off... If she decides to chose him.... I'll still wait for her!!!

 

She is not your best friend. She already has chosen her BF, the man she's still with. She'd chosen you to be her doormat as soon as she saw you. Sorry to be blunt, but you sound like an emotionally sensitive kind of guy, at that makes you an ideal target for the woman who has low self esteem, and needs a bit on the side to boost her ego and neurosis.

 

Do your thing with your life, and don;t wait for people. The right ones will always come to you.

 

The quicker you get rid of this one, the sooner you'll meet the one for you.

[Miss Awesome]

Before you say, "leave her" etc. Let me explain.

 

 

 

Ok, you should still leave her. You never should have let it go this far in the first place.

 

 

She. Has. A. Boyfriend.

 

 

Bottom line. What you're doing is inappropriate.

[ExpatInItaly]

The thing is, OP, that she obviously doesn't feel exactly the same way you do. If she did, she'd be your girlfriend. But she isn't. She's having her cake and eating it, too.

[Butters14]

I have been in the same situation dude :

• Befriended this girl who had a bf.
  
• After a while, I started to have feelings for her.
  
• I admited my feelings to her, she told me the felt the same way.
  
• She promised me she was gonna leave her bf for me.
  
• Once she didn't, I tried to move on, she wasn't letting me (kept saying, I love you, don't leave me bla bla bla), and me like a moron, believed her.
  
• In the end, I forced myself to move on: went complete NC after reading SO MANY threads here, blocked her in every way possible.
  

All in all, I was friends with her ~4 months and was emotionally involved ~4 months.

 

That was 3 years ago and I STILL feel stupid today how I let myself get involved in that kind of situation. BUT, it really taught me A LOT of lessons in a short amount of time.

 

I read your thread and your "girl" is telling you THE EXACT SAME THINGS the girl I "thought" I loved used to tell me.

TRUST ME dude, you DON'T want that kind of drama, it's so exhausting, NOTHING will ever change, you need to move on. It's hard I know but you have no other choice.

You WILL find someone else, It really happens when you least expect it.

Today, I'm with someone wonderful who loves me for me (I can fart in front of her!) with no drama whatsoever.

[Andy_K]

Look man, I know you're just waiting for some encouragement here. So just do it. Wait for her, go after her, whatever you want. See how it all ends up.

 

You've got some learning to do and so has she, and this will be a great lesson for both of you. All the advice you're getting here on why you should let her go is correct. But you need to experience this mistake for yourself, because you're just not ready to see that yet.

 

Go play with drama and fire, but don't waste too much of your life on this. set yourself a limit now for when something has to have happened. If it hasn't by then, walk away. Making mistakes is fine, but don't spend forever on the same one.

[FrostBlaze]

You are gonna get burned, if you can't see that she is not WHAT u believe her to be as others here have clearly showed you...it's your own damned fault.

 

Say it like this, actions speak louder than words, she says that that and that because you are her emotional blanket (filling a void her BF must not be giving).but at the end of the day.

Who is she with?

Who is she f'ing?

Who .is she ....lalalla etc. much to say

 

NOT YOU. So think about that you delusioned poor sob. Tough love helps, excuse the harsh words xD.

 

Leave her or learn from this failure wich am i sure you are going to proceed with.

[acrosstheuniverse]

She isnt married... so!!! she isnt tied down... she calls me every night and we speak for hours... all my friends have said wait for her to be single again... here's the catch... we are best friends!!!

 

No, you're not best friends. Best friends are friends that you have had for years, where you know each other inside out, you know one another's families, and here's the kicker... you treat with 100% love, honour and respect because you've chosen them as your family and you'd do anything to make them safe and happy. I have four, maybe five best friends of between 15-6 years' service each and that bond grows over time. Even my best friends, I do not speak on the phone every day to, I don't message every day, that's not how it works.

 

When it starts off this intense, this fast, it's not a best friendship. It is an emotional affair. You know this! She's cheating on her boyfriend with you already. I've never cheated on anybody and my definition of cheating starts at talking to somebody else in a way you wouldn't be happy with your partner knowing about, so telling another man I loved him or getting in so deep I was crying on the phone to him every night would absolutely be cheating.

 

You're lucky in a way you've already reached a head with this, and you asked her to choose, and she chose him. So at least you know for sure she isn't going to leave him for you, she was honest and probably can't believe what a spineless loser you are to wait for her while she continues to lie to her boyfriend and get railed by him. This will be doing absolutely NOTHING to increase her attraction level to you.

 

Last year I made an epic error and for the first time was the cheatee in a relationship, I fell for a new friend at uni who had a girlfriend of seven years. We became 'best friends' quickly, as you'd call it, talking and texting and hanging out as much as humanly possible, we couldn't get enough of one another. We slept together, although we 'tried not to' i.e. we maybe did it 5-10 times total over the three months it lasted. If we hadn't have been holding back it'd have been hundreds, I've never had a chemistry like it with anyone and he said he hadn't either. It ended because he wouldn't leave his girlfriend (the reasons for that felt valid for me then and do now in retrospect but they are unimportant... they also showed a lot of bad stuff about his character), we swore to stay 'best friends' guess what? It dribbled down to maybe the odd text every month or two about work-related matters only. It was an affair, emotional and physical, we were not best friends. We'd only known each other a few months!

 

I tell you, as soon as you put an end to this emotional affair you'll see she isn't a best friend and that it will all slip away. Let it. I'm unimaginably grateful now that I didn't end up with that guy. I would NEVER have been able to trust him. I'd always have been wondering when we were apart who he was in bed with (serial cheater), I'd have been eaten up with guilt for what we did to his girlfriend, paranoid he would go back to her. Instead I was free to be single, focus on my own life and be available to someone else.

 

I regret it because it was wrong to do that to his girlfriend and I played just a big a part in it as him, even though he betrayed her as a partner I betrayed her as a fellow human being. But it was a lesson, and I would never ever get involved with a taken person again, it's an absolute mug's game.

[wwwwww]

First and foremost thank you for the service.

 

Secondly, you've been friendzoned.

[ldnstar]

Dude.

 

I was in a similar position.

 

Met this girl, she had (and still has btw) a bf, she made all the moves on me, txt, txt, txt, phone ect all hours 2, 3am everything, says how she hates him and wants to leave him but cant cause she feels bad. We went out a few times, shes kissed me told me she has feelings for me, got jealous when she knows im with other girls ect, shes still with him 6 months later, we still talk on occasion and i do think there really is something there from both sides, but i know she wont leave him and if she does i wouldn't go there as she'd just do it to me.

 

Move on! trust the advice on here, its the right advice.