I've fallen in love with a girl who has a boyfriend, she feels the same way....

[GregMarine]

Before you say, "leave her" etc. Let me explain. I met this girl a few months ago, we weren't attracted to each other, though I did think she was pretty, we became VERY fast friends, so much so that to date we have in the past month say, spoken on the phone EVERY night, to which our conversations last over an hour each... we text EVERY day, to which she always replies and puts hearts and kisses etc... about 4 weeks ago we got into a fight and I ended up messaging her how much she means to me and how much I was falling for her. The morning after she told me she wants to call me, I was petrified and regretted telling her... to my utmost surprise she told me that I meant so much to her and that she was falling for me to, she burst into tears because she felt her heart was split into 2. Her boyfriend is isn't affectionate and as passionate as I am... she says thats the reason she fell for me. So a month later she is still messaging and calling me... I feel she may be starting to shift from him to me... Now I am 100% madly in love with her... she knows this... She is such a nice genuine girl that she is terrified to hurt anyone. She told me a few weeks ago that she was afraid of her current boyfriend. We get on amazingly well, our converstations mostly consist of laughing giggling and having full on intellectual talks as well as telling each other how special we are and telling each other how much we like each other. about 3 weeks ago we got into a serious discussion about us she was put into a position where she had to choose between him and me... she burst into full on hysterical crying aswell as me because she chose him. The next day she carried on speaking to me as if NOTHING happened. Anyway I told her i'd wait for her. She thinks that is the most romantic thing I could do. She is going on holiday to New Zealand for a month, where she says now she will make a solid proper decision what will happen with us. She is overly loyal and ALL I think about is her... HELP!!!

[GregMarine]

She has cried full blown to me about her situation. So what would you suggest I do? just wait? be there for her like I have done? just see what will happen? we share Everything, I mean EVERYTHING... like I will share that I posted a "help" question on her to see what people would say.

[GregMarine]

she's been in her relationship for 3.5 years now... He broke up with her in January, he's possessive and obsessed with her and immediately ran back... she told me that she couldn't believe he could without emotion just throw away 3 years of a relationship... she said I should have met her in Jan when she was single.

[Eivuwan]

Regardless of what happened with her bf and her, she is not ready for a relationship right now if she can't keep proper boundaries with people. That applies to you as well. Despite whatever her bf did, she is having an emotional affair with you behind his back and you call her loyal lol. If you guys think this kind of behavior is ok, what makes you think that it won't happen to you and her when you guys have problems in your relationship.

[mammasita]

Your explanation is invalid. I will still say leave her alone.

 

Regardless of what you say, she is still in a relationship. Do you not see the reality?

 

No matter how you slice it she is being unfaithul and emotionally decieving to the person she is supposed to be in love with.

 

Ok, you say she is scared and afraid of what he might do. Then I say she is emotionally vulnerable and is too easily controlled.

[PegNosePete]

Before you say, "leave her" etc. Let me explain.

OK, I read your explanation.

 

Leave her.

[preraph]

If she has a BF, then how did you meet her? Was she out without him or was it through work or what? It's important to know if she kept feelers out despite already being committed because if she did, then she'll end up doing the same thing to you.

[Jono85]

how do you people sleep at night?? seriously. this is why i stopped coming to this site for a long time because I realized that 80+% of people have ZERO morals and care only about themselves. it's sad. this girl has a serious boyfriend and is cheating on him, emotionally, with you. and you as a man, are totally okay with her doing this to this other man. it's disgusting. i guess there are no classy guys around anymore that upon first finding out she was in a relationship would leave her the f*ck alone..

[GregMarine]

She isnt married... so!!! she isnt tied down... she calls me every night and we speak for hours... all my friends have said wait for her to be single again... here's the catch... we are best friends!!!

[PegNosePete]

What are you hoping to hear here? Are you looking for advice or just validation for your actions?

 

We've given you advice but it's up to you what you do with your life. No need to get permission from a load of strangers on the internet. If you want to ignore us all and date this chick, then go right ahead.

[GregMarine]

We started out as friends and became best friends... Then feelings got involved.

[GregMarine]

We joked a few weeks ago that we mustn't ever fall for each other (tongue in cheek) but we ended up falling for each other and things got complicated in the beginning... but we always speak throughout every day and things have kind havent gotten complicated... we tell each other everyday how much we really like each other... I didnt plan to feel like this... it just happened... I didnt see her as a potential girlfriend or love of my life... until about a month ago... then I kept on denying it always until we got into kind of an argument, and I reacted by spilling my heart out to her... to which she told me back the morning after... TO MY SURPRISE!!! I care about her with all my heart... and I WILL respect her decision when it comes to that... and WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER!!! but if it happens that we never shall be together... then so be it I guess... it isnt selfish... Me like her... we are both VERY selfless and I care about what she wants... if its not me... Then we will always be friends forever.

[Frank2thepoint]

she's been in her relationship for 3.5 years now... He broke up with her in January, he's possessive and obsessed with her and immediately ran back... she told me that she couldn't believe he could without emotion just throw away 3 years of a relationship... she said I should have met her in Jan when she was single.

 

Here is your answer. She's never going to leave her boyfriend for you. The simple fact that she took a possessive guy back means she is drama. Even if you managed to coerce her away from her boyfriend, your relationship will be full of drama.

 

She isnt married... so!!! she isnt tied down... she calls me every night and we speak for hours... all my friends have said wait for her to be single again... here's the catch... we are best friends!!!

 

Wow, what a twisted argument. She's not married, so she is available to be poached like some wild game. You have no respect for relationships.

 

Have you ever considered, what if you were in a relationship with this girl, and she began having an emotional affair with another guy? What would you do then? Oh you probably become manipulative and possessive, just like her current boyfriend.

[No Limit]

And since you've fallen for her you trust whatever she says, like her description of her "oh so obsessive" boyfriend.

But let's pretend for a second this was true; don't you think it would have consequences if he really was that possessive? Him waiting for you to beat you up or anything?

 

Either way, I think none of you should be in a relationship because you two have no boundaries or respect for a relationship. On the other hand, maybe you two deserve each other.

 

we are both VERY selfless

 

Made my day, thank you.

[Diezel]

This sounds like a HORRIBLE situation to be in.

 

Dude, this girl has very little self-respect for her boyfriend, herself, and for you and she gets to just stand above you two and pick whoever she wants to be with while you "wait around".

 

Those friends who told you to wait til she is single? Fire them. ALL OF THEM.

 

Who gives advice like that? They are potentially telling you to put your life and feelings on hold for a woman who may never come around and is cheating on another man with you. That's the kind of woman you want to be emotionally involved with?

 

Where is YOUR self-respect? Jesus Christ, grow a pair and find a girl without all the baggage. Right now, you are just her play-thing.

[SoleMate]

She told me....she was afraid of her current boyfriend....our converstations mostly consist of laughing giggling and having full on intellectual talks as well as telling each other how special we are and telling each other how much we like each other...she burst into full on hysterical crying...because she chose him....Anyway I told her i'd wait for her. She thinks that is the most romantic thing I could do...She is going on holiday...for a month, where she says now she will make a solid proper decision what will happen with us.....

Flakey drivel and dedication to drama I'm afraid.

 

She is such a nice genuine girl....she is terrified to hurt anyone....She is overly loyal...

Ermm not really.

 

If you both want to be together in a 1:1 r/s, then all she has to do is leave her bf. Nothing wrong with that. I disagree strongly with the idea that a bf/gf r/s should be treated by outsiders with the same respect due to a legal marriage or that she should have any hesitation to leave her bf IF she wants to.

 

So what we're left with is.......a woman who could easily be monogamous with you but chooses not to be. Wouldn't be my choice if I were looking for a woman.

[GregMarine]

So your advice, if I should follow it... I should basically leave her... never talk to her again? because I wont just be losing her as a potential girlfriend and love of my life... I'd lose my BEST FRIEND!!! that's the dilemma I'm in!!! I wont completely back off... If she decides to chose him.... I'll still wait for her!!!

[PegNosePete]

Yes leave her.

 

Dude you sound like you're 15 years old.

[GregMarine]

Diezel... I've never had a girlfriend and every potential girl I've liked I've screwed up with... 25, virgin, never been kissed... shes my best friend and she has cried on the phone to me telling me she should not do this... that we should not speak anymore... she doesn't want to do this... but there is some major connection we have and we cant keep apart... we both at the same time said that what we have is identical to the moment in The Notebook (DON'T LAUGH), When Noah and Alley are in that moment when she is engaged and she is torn between 2 people. I have liked girls in the passed... but this!!! THIS IS REAL!!! and I cant hide from it!

[Diezel]

What you have isn't real. What you have is a love triangle where she gets to decide who she wants to be with on any particular night.

 

I guess you absolutely have NO self-respect for yourself, go by all means, fire away with this girl. Learn the hard way.

 

Can't wait til the inevitable thread you post about how she led you on for months and years and never left him.

[GregMarine]

I'm 25, Honours degree, haven't been in a relationship! haven't been kissed yet either... yeah I don't know a lot about relationships, I AM NAIVE AND IGNORANT TO THE FACT... but I believe in Love... I know its childish, But I do, I believe passionate love exists... so you don't have to tell me i'm childish and immature... I know I get myself into stupid stupid situations like this, not often... last one, not identical was about 4 years ago... but what we have regardless of the situation... is special... I know it is... I have to have hope "YEAH DON'T HOPE OR HAVE EXPECTATIONS" But I love her... so... I don't have many friends, 2 of which were in the same situation where they had to choose between their current boyfriends or the another guy... they both chose the other guy... why? because if you can fall in love with someone else where (YOU KNOW HE WASN'T THE ONE OR THE RIGHT ONE) they chose the other guy, both... have been in their relationships for years now... One is getting married to the other guy... So I have hope... I have to believe I GOT to believe.

[Eivuwan]

Diezel... I've never had a girlfriend and every potential girl I've liked I've screwed up with... 25, virgin, never been kissed... shes my best friend and she has cried on the phone to me telling me she should not do this... that we should not speak anymore... she doesn't want to do this... but there is some major connection we have and we cant keep apart... we both at the same time said that what we have is identical to the moment in The Notebook (DON'T LAUGH), When Noah and Alley are in that moment when she is engaged and she is torn between 2 people. I have liked girls in the passed... but this!!! THIS IS REAL!!! and I cant hide from it!

 

Please, that movie is so unrealistic and cheesy. Don't use that as a guide for relationships.

[Diezel]

Your only 2 other friends are female?

[GregMarine]

I have a few female friends, more than male...

[Eivuwan]

I'm 25, Honours degree, haven't been in a relationship! haven't been kissed yet either... yeah I don't know a lot about relationships, I AM NAIVE AND IGNORANT TO THE FACT... but I believe in Love... I know its childish, But I do, I believe passionate love exists... so you don't have to tell me i'm childish and immature... I know I get myself into stupid stupid situations like this, not often... last one, not identical was about 4 years ago... but what we have regardless of the situation... is special... I know it is... I have to have hope "YEAH DON'T HOPE OR HAVE EXPECTATIONS" But I love her... so... I don't have many friends, 2 of which were in the same situation where they had to choose between their current boyfriends or the another guy... they both chose the other guy... why? because if you can fall in love with someone else where (YOU KNOW HE WASN'T THE ONE OR THE RIGHT ONE) they chose the other guy, both... have been in their relationships for years now... One is getting married to the other guy... So I have hope... I have to believe I GOT to believe.

 

Your friends are poor role models. I think you are no longer thinking with your head and it's your first love so it's going to be hard to forget her. However, you should really listen to all the people here who have more experiences than you. She is not that great. She is selfish and untrustworthy to get into this situation in the first place.