jucceej Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 6 weeks ago my husband told me that he's no longer in love with me I'm 41 he's 50 2 years ago i had a text affair (no meetings or sex, just texts) i know it was wrong but at the time i was very low, felt like 2nd best to hubbies hobbies, singing, his cars and motorbike, he would never come on family days out.. we spilt up and both tried to move on,I'm stihen in January 2013 my husband came back begging for us to get back together and because i still did love him, we got back. Febuary of 2013 i was involved in a very truamatic police case (i was abused as a child)... this phone call rocked my world i became very depressed and turned in to a hermit... what i did not know then but do now was that my husband was actually considering leaving. I thought he was my support my rock.. Only a few months ago he was buying me flowers, telling our friends how much he loves me, told 2 work friends that hes going to buy me a sports car, everything seemed fine, i was starting to pick myself up after the case closed, had loads of councelling, everything seemed to be on track. 6 weeks ago while upstairs decorating hubby came in to say that he has got a motorbike ride every day this week plus a singing gig at the weekend,, i replied that maybe we should spend some more time together, he just walked out got on his bike and went for a ride.. when he came home out of the blue he said he was leaving because he cant forget what i did I know its not another woman but im still devastated, he's gone bought a brand new bike living the single life while im here picking up the pieces People have said its a midlife crisis what do you think? I know that what i did has not helped!!!
thekid36 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 6 weeks ago my husband told me that he's no longer in love with me I'm 41 he's 50 2 years ago i had a text affair (no meetings or sex, just texts) i know it was wrong but at the time i was very low, felt like 2nd best to hubbies hobbies, singing, his cars and motorbike, he would never come on family days out.. we spilt up and both tried to move on,I'm stihen in January 2013 my husband came back begging for us to get back together and because i still did love him, we got back. Febuary of 2013 i was involved in a very truamatic police case (i was abused as a child)... this phone call rocked my world i became very depressed and turned in to a hermit... what i did not know then but do now was that my husband was actually considering leaving. I thought he was my support my rock.. Only a few months ago he was buying me flowers, telling our friends how much he loves me, told 2 work friends that hes going to buy me a sports car, everything seemed fine, i was starting to pick myself up after the case closed, had loads of councelling, everything seemed to be on track. 6 weeks ago while upstairs decorating hubby came in to say that he has got a motorbike ride every day this week plus a singing gig at the weekend,, i replied that maybe we should spend some more time together, he just walked out got on his bike and went for a ride.. when he came home out of the blue he said he was leaving because he cant forget what i did I know its not another woman but im still devastated, he's gone bought a brand new bike living the single life while im here picking up the pieces People have said its a midlife crisis what do you think? I know that what i did has not helped!!! Hi! There is quite a lot that seems to be going on here. First of all, it seems as if even after your texting troubles that there was still hope of you both being able to move on. Something then seems to have changed his tune again. Do you think that your depression caused the relationship to ultimately start to go downhill? Second, when things were good, did you correlate his caring about you with how much that was given to you and what was spent? I ask this because you mention the flowers and sports car he was going to buy you but not anything about just being there. Someone who is your 'rock' does not always have to buy you diamonds, so to speak. Third, the most important thing at this point is what the coming days will bring you. They may tend to not be easy at this point. Your choice is to try once again to get him back or just move on by yourself. No reason to beat yourself up though. You can't change the past. Even as much as you may want to. 1
Author jucceej Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes i always showed him love even tho i was going through the police case. I mention the flowers and car because that is not what he normally does!!! he was only telling friends before break up how much he loves me, we were even making plans with our house. I adore this man and i feel totally lost and broken... i want to fight but he says he can't, but only the other day he was texting me in the early hours of the morning!!!
No Limit Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Guess he finally realized that this crack in his trust is something he can't tolerate. Good luck. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes i always showed him love even tho i was going through the police case. I mention the flowers and car because that is not what he normally does!!! he was only telling friends before break up how much he loves me, we were even making plans with our house. I adore this man and i feel totally lost and broken... i want to fight but he says he can't, but only the other day he was texting me in the early hours of the morning!!! His trust probably took a big hit when you emotionally cheated on him. He then made friends, and met other women during those rides and gigs. He probably realized he could have that, and start fresh. I don't think it's a mid life crisis, because there's cheating involved. 1
thekid36 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes i always showed him love even tho i was going through the police case. I mention the flowers and car because that is not what he normally does!!! he was only telling friends before break up how much he loves me, we were even making plans with our house. I adore this man and i feel totally lost and broken... i want to fight but he says he can't, but only the other day he was texting me in the early hours of the morning!!! I am honestly a little confused. If he took off and said that he cannot do this, then it suggests that he is done with the relationship. Or at the very least, that he needs temporary and defined space. For him to then be texting you may be the song of mixed messages. Or, the dance of inconsistency. Two artistic turns which really cannot lead to anything more than your own personal confusion. This kind of thing could give you sporadic false hope. Which is definitely not the same as permanent trust. No chance for you to be happy and time is what you end up ultimately losing.
marcjb Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 If you were feeling bad about the relationship you should have talked to your husband regarding your feelings instead of turning to having an emotional affair. Problems are not going to be magically solved when you run away from them. If you are feeling neglected in the relationship you should not have neglected the relationship also instead of trying to fix it. I'm sure you see now why open communication is so important. 1
thekid36 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 If you were feeling bad about the relationship you should have talked to your husband regarding your feelings instead of turning to having an emotional affair. Problems are not going to be magically solved when you run away from them. If you are feeling neglected in the relationship you should not have neglected the relationship also instead of trying to fix it. I'm sure you see now why open communication is so important. I sense that the OP feels badly about this emotional affair and acknowledges that she was in the wrong. None of us are actually perfect. We learn from our mistakes and try to move on. Support and judging are not the same. She cannot change the past at this point. I think it would be more beneficial to focus more on where she goes from here and if there is anything at all to be possibly salvaged.
marcjb Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Sure, but she needs to understand the root of the problem and prevent it from happening again when she's in a new relationship. 2
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Sure, but she needs to understand the root of the problem and prevent it from happening again when she's in a new relationship. You're really awesome at judging people. Especially people who have already taken responsibility for their mistakes. *smh*
marcjb Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 You're really awesome at judging people. Especially people who have already taken responsibility for their mistakes. *smh* Cheaters get no sympathy from me.
Elle1975 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 You're really awesome at judging people. Especially people who have already taken responsibility for their mistakes. *smh* She said "what do you guys think" Anyway.. I would give him space, but I'd make it clear that you want to reconciliate.
thekid36 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Cheaters get no sympathy from me. Have you never done something which was later regretted? I am just curious is all. I think it is not always black and white. No, I have never cheated. But, I do think that every situation in life is different. Hard to fully judge what we do not completely know. Not sure if all of those who have had indiscretions are coming here to get sympathy. I think that some people are simply looking for general advice moving forward. And, sometimes what they seek is not always related specifically to their own general transgression.
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