Been NC for 4 months now..Just saw my ex with another guy..feel like dying [updates!]

June 27, 2014

RANT START:

I know NC is not for getting your ex back. But I saw them both talking walking into a building they were still talking and hugging and all 2 hours later when I WALKED OUT.

It hurts soo much. The only thing I could do was walk by acting like they don't exist, didn't make eye contact and ran to catch up with a girl I was friends with who was walking ahead.

I know the guy shes with now, he's this piece of crap scummy kid who keeps flunking out of colleges. She told me he was friend when we were both dating. I know I may sound 'jealous' but hes damn hideously ugly, and has a worse personality.

I KNOW THEY MADE FUN OF ME WHEN I WALKED BY I HEARD THEM GIGGLING. AND SHE PURPOSELY MOVED HER FEET OUT OF THE WAY WHEN I WALKED BY. I hate her I wanted to die inside.

SHE DEVASTATED ME WITH A 4 YEAR ON AND OFF. Then chops my balls off in every one of the 15 breakups we had. And throws me out like a piece of trash only to get with the sleeziest person I've ever encountered whose the opposite of me.

She completely destroyed my life and spit of my self respect. All I can do is ignore her existence..but to what end? She still will laugh behind my back and spit me out, and me ignoring her isn't going to affect her at all. I just want to die.

RANT OFF.

June 27, 2014

I KNOW THEY MADE FUN OF ME WHEN I WALKED BY I HEARD THEM GIGGLING. AND SHE PURPOSELY MOVED HER FEET OUT OF THE WAY WHEN I WALKED BY

This is awful, she's way to immature. Dont worry about it keep ignoring her..... be the bigger man.

June 27, 2014

Read over your post, you already won.

Don't let this bother you, it is unworthy of being on your mind.

June 27, 2014

Read over your post, you already won.
Don't let this bother you, it is unworthy of being on your mind.

Thanks lovebug..

Mentally I know I won I guess because that kid is a punk but emotionally it stings big time. All that nonchalance I tried to show off almost crumbled at the site of her. ALMOST. Now im just trying to move forward.

June 27, 2014

Why you waited 2 hours to see them came from the building? It all seems weird.

June 27, 2014

Why you waited 2 hours to see them came from the building? It all seems weird.

I had class and lab in the building its a hall at our university.

June 27, 2014

Thanks lovebug..
Mentally I know I won I guess because that kid is a punk but emotionally it stings big time. All that nonchalance I tried to show off almost crumbled at the site of her. ALMOST. Now im just trying to move forward.

it's okay I understand, it's like a thinking without head vs the feelings in your heart. When you are feeling this way just remind yourself of the logic, as you have been and soon your heart will follow

June 27, 2014

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, she sounds immature and you deserve way better.

Keep your head up!

June 27, 2014

it's okay I understand, it's like a thinking without head vs the feelings in your heart. When you are feeling this way just remind yourself of the logic, as you have been and soon your heart will follow

Thanks for the Advice! Ill keep it in mind the next time I happen to come across those star crossed lovers.

The gym is all that's keeping me sane, plus an insanely busy schedule where I don't have any breathing time.. and when i do..I sleep.

June 27, 2014

Okay dude, you're not going to get any warm fuzzies from me. I'm going to hit you with a 2x4 right now.

For a guy in NC you sure do "happen to run into her" a lot! You need to start a strict NC. You seem to know her patterns. IF YOU KNOW THE ROUTES SHE TAKES TO CLASS, THEN YOU TAKE A DIFFERENT ROUTE!!!! If you know she goes to the cafeteria at a certain time, DON'T BE THERE!!!

Look, I know she goes to the same school as you and running into her is going to happen from time to time, but YOU have the power to minimize that contact!

Now, as far as you post goes, are you done feeling sorry for yourself yet? You wrote that she destroyed you life. No, she didn't. You need to look at it as she gave you a new lease on life. You said she spit on your self respect? No she didn't. You're holding true to your morals and trying to heal yourself; looking after yourself and she's hanging around a frog and being very immature about it. So, you tell me who has less self respect.

What positive changes have you made in your life? I really want to know! Have you been going to the gym everyday? I mean, if you're at University, the gym should be free to you! Use it! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight! If you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you'll be working on that rock hard and ripped bod that girls will definitely like! Have you gotten a new wardrobe? Looking sharp and GQ 24/7. On the off chance she see's you, you want her to think to herself, "Damn, he looks really good and I'm here with his guy that looks like a sloppy toad."

You're at school, there are sooo many clubs and groups that you can join and be involved in. It would give you an opportunity to meet new people and interact with a new group of friends. Also, it keeps you busy and not thinking about what she's doing.

And also, how about saving a little money for a trip away from campus here and there. Go somewhere new and gives you an opportunity to see something new. It allows you to decompress and recharge.

Start making these positive changes. Get motivated!

July 15, 2014

I used to believe that true love waits, it doesn't, it never will. I've lost all hope on ever getting her back. I see her in class everyday talking to new guys and everyone around me but doesn't even act like I exist. She hates me.

Today I saw her kissing someone else in class, and then talking to every guy in the classroom and Im just there like a statue. She doesn't even care what it does to me. It's over.

I've been NC for 4 months, and deep down i know it's not right for me, and i've accepted that it'll never go back to the way it was. BUT WHY THEN DOES IT HURT? I went out of the class to catch my breath and then went into a bathroom stall like in the movies, and almost burst in tears. I caught my eyes and punched the wall with my fist, with all the power in my hand.

I feel so horrible. I wish this day would end and it was all the dream, but every morning I wake up thinking I can handle it but, she's still gone. She''s never coming back. And I act so fine with it, in front of her I never even let it show, but it eats me up inside, I don't want to do anything.

I cant go to the gym cuz i had a torn acl. I can't find myself anymore. I can't breathe at times it hurts so much, but I tell my self I must get through this.

It hurts me, how the ones i love the most are the ones that have always left. And all my unrequited loves in my life come back faster than the speed of light and hit me with terminal force.

I wish I could go back and change the ways things worked out, that I remember a time when we loved each other so dearly but now nothing but dim memories hidden by our fights. I love her and she hates me. And I know I have to man up, pulled that gut in, take a deep breath, and face it. But why does it hurt so much? It's hurt for 3 years. Its hurt for 4 years. I hurts til to this day.

I wake up, and she's gone. I try to keep distracted, used all the philosophy i could muster, but at the sight of her, I crumble into an abysmal end.

I love her. I hate her. I want her to feel what she's put me through. But none of that is possible. I cannot take revenge. I cannot lash out.

I don't even feel alive sometimes. I can't breathe sometimes.

July 15, 2014

I used to believe that true love waits, it doesn't, it never will. I've lost all hope on ever getting her back. I see her in class everyday talking to new guys and everyone around me but doesn't even act like I exist. She hates me.

Today I saw her kissing someone else in class, and then talking to every guy in the classroom and Im just there like a statue. She doesn't even care what it does to me. It's over.

I've been NC for 4 months, and deep down i know it's not right for me, and i've accepted that it'll never go back to the way it was. BUT WHY THEN DOES IT HURT? I went out of the class to catch my breath and then went into a bathroom stall like in the movies, and almost burst in tears. I caught my eyes and punched the wall with my fist, with all the power in my hand.

I feel so horrible. I wish this day would end and it was all the dream, but every morning I wake up thinking I can handle it but, she's still gone. She''s never coming back. And I act so fine with it, in front of her I never even let it show, but it eats me up inside, I don't want to do anything.

I cant go to the gym cuz i had a torn acl. I can't find myself anymore. I can't breathe at times it hurts so much, but I tell my self I must get through this.

It hurts me, how the ones i love the most are the ones that have always left. And all my unrequited loves in my life come back faster than the speed of light and hit me with terminal force.

I wish I could go back and change the ways things worked out, that I remember a time when we loved each other so dearly but now nothing but dim memories hidden by our fights. I love her and she hates me. And I know I have to man up, pulled that gut in, take a deep breath, and face it. But why does it hurt so much? It's hurt for 3 years. Its hurt for 4 years. I hurts til to this day.

I wake up, and she's gone. I try to keep distracted, used all the philosophy i could muster, but at the sight of her, I crumble into an abysmal end.

I love her. I hate her. I want her to feel what she's put me through. But none of that is possible. I cannot take revenge. I cannot lash out.

I don't even feel alive sometimes. I can't breathe sometimes.

I know exactly how you feel. I thought I was over my ex, I had deluded myself into believing I was fully healed but all that went out the window a few months ago... I was walking in the city and coincidentally I saw her walking hand in hand with some guy, on the other side of the road.

I assume this guy is her new boyfriend.

it hurt like hell. I realised that as much as I tell myself I am over her I am not, at least not entirely.

the only thing I can suggest is switch classes/transfer/whatever it takes to avoid her and seeing that sort of thing.

my ex is blocked on facebook and she lives an hour from me, complete other side of the city, so the odds of me bumping into her again are pretty small.

simply cutting her out of your life is the best way to get over her.

July 15, 2014

It's a normal reaction for all people when they see an ex out with someone else. It sucks, but dude, you're going to be okay. You two are not an item, so you focus on you.

It will get better. Give it a few months of you trying to move on and be happy.

July 15, 2014

I know exactly how you feel. I thought I was over my ex, I had deluded myself into believing I was fully healed but all that went out the window a few months ago... I was walking in the city and coincidentally I saw her walking hand in hand with some guy, on the other side of the road.

I assume this guy is her new boyfriend.

it hurt like hell. I realised that as much as I tell myself I am over her I am not, at least not entirely.

the only thing I can suggest is switch classes/transfer/whatever it takes to avoid her and seeing that sort of thing.

my ex is blocked on facebook and she lives an hour from me, complete other side of the city, so the odds of me bumping into her again are pretty small.

simply cutting her out of your life is the best way to get over her.

I can't transfer or leave the program and these classes are mandatory and there's no other section. Im like 85% with the degree, eg. getting my MD.

But it's just that I have these bouts in the bathroom stall everyone few months seeing her doing something that goes aganist the routine, eg. flirting with a new guy or talking to many. It just hurts so much that i wish i wasn't even visible.

I want to go up to her and say something, anything, but I know what the outcome will be. It's killing me, and I can't explain how I feel to anyone. I'm try so hard to keep my gameface on and busy but deep down, i'm dying with a ripped out heart.

July 22, 2014

I see her everyday and I miss her a lot. I was thinking of trying to patch things up and try to be close again, or something. It's been quite a while since we talked, on and off for 3 years with like 10 or more breakups. Things ended sourly and there's a lot of tension, but I feel it's because of lack of communication. I was thinking of setting things straight once and for all, and maybe try to renew some sort of bond.

I'm sure I can get her to meet up or talk things out if I can grab her in the halls. Maybe over time something may regrow between us. Right now things are really standoffish with lots of awkward stares as if things are left unsettled, I catch glimpses of her staring and she sees me looking too.

Should I try to clear the air and start a new? AT least make the attempt, take the 1st step, and try to be the mature one for once? Or should I just continue NC, ignore her, and leave things the way they are?

The one thing that irks me is that..if i were to patch up with her, I know she's gonna tell her friends. And her friends don't really like me that much cuz they know all the ordeals me and her had been through, so I feel they'll discourage her from making amends or cause to her go down the road from the previous vicious cycles..Is there anyway to prevent her friends from interfering, or her other guy friends from influencing her about NOT talking or patching up with me? This the the part that's really hard IMHO. I feel a lot of my problems with her were from other outside influences that didn't want me and her to be together and also from our own internal conflicts.

Just want to know...I really feel this time things may be different. But after 3 1/2 years and 15 on and offs..I don't really have a perspective..

July 22, 2014

But after 3 1/2 years and 15 on and offs..I don't really have a perspective..

That's your perspective. It's right before your eyes.

Stop trying to revisit what's broken. You have a 3.5 year relationship with at least 15 endings. That's a bad track record and I'd safely say that while communication could be the issue, there is surely much more to this than just that one breakdown.

It's going to be awkward. A break-up isn't pretty and it doesn't leave much for positive emotions. It's something you just have to get through. You've had 15 endings most likely because the best way to escape the discomfort after every break-up was to get back together again, even when the writing was on the wall. And if after 15 endings you two still can't find ways to work it out, why is Round 16 going to be the one that makes it work? Does that make sense to you? You're a little deluded with that train of thought because you're emotional.

Once and for all, bite the bullet. Feel your pain and heal from this.

Edited July 22, 2014 by Zahara

July 22, 2014

That's your perspective. It's right before your eyes.

Stop trying to revisit what's broken. You have a 3.5 year relationship with at least 15 endings. That's a bad track record and I'd safely say that while communication could be the issue, there is surely much more to this than just that one breakdown.

It's going to be awkward. A break-up isn't pretty and it doesn't leave much for positive emotions. It's something you just have to get through. You've had 15 endings most likely because the best way to escape the discomfort after every break-up was to get back together again, even when the writing was on the wall. And if after 15 endings you two still can't find ways to work it out, why is Round 16 going to be the one that makes it work? Does that make sense to you? You're a little deluded with that train of thought because you're emotional.

Once and for all, bite the bullet. Feel your pain and heal from this.

The pain of not being together outweighed the hope of moving on for so long. But the NC and level of distance this time, and the idea of permanence makes this 'off' different from any other one.

I've matured quite a bit from the last BU, and I have a changed outlook to life and all..but that doesn't change round 16 does it? It will inevitably end the same way you think?

July 22, 2014

People change, but personalities don't. Whatever made you break up 15 times will circle back around to get you again. One day, somebody will do something, and it will remind the other who this person is, then BOOM.

#16

July 22, 2014

The pain of not being together outweighed the hope of moving on for so long. But the NC and level of distance this time, and the idea of permanence makes this 'off' different from any other one.

I've matured quite a bit from the last BU, and I have a changed outlook to life and all..but that doesn't change round 16 does it? It will inevitably end the same way you think?

And that's the thing. The pain of moving on is temporary. At some point you will progress to the other side. The pain of 15 endings has been an indefinite rollercoaster of heartbreak. Your coping with an ending was to keep revisiting what was hurting you. It was a cycle. You have to break it.

The idea of permanence is daunting. Finality is hard to accept. And maybe you're at the juncture and feeling the burden of it, but face it. Don't run back to what you've always been doing. This time, do something different.

Round 16? Remember this? You posted this about three weeks ago.

"SHE DEVASTATED ME WITH A 4 YEAR ON AND OFF. Then chops my balls off in every one of the 15 breakups we had. And throws me out like a piece of trash only to get with the sleeziest person I've ever encountered whose the opposite of me."

July 22, 2014

And that's the thing. The pain of moving on is temporary. At some point you will progress to the other side. The pain of 15 endings has been an indefinite rollercoaster of heartbreak. Your coping with an ending was to keep revisiting what was hurting you. It was a cycle. You have to break it.

The idea of permanence is daunting. Finality is hard to accept. And maybe you're at the juncture and feeling the burden of it, but face it. Don't run back to what you've always been doing. This time, do something different.

Round 16? Remember this? You posted this about three weeks ago.

"SHE DEVASTATED ME WITH A 4 YEAR ON AND OFF. Then chops my balls off in every one of the 15 breakups we had. And throws me out like a piece of trash only to get with the sleeziest person I've ever encountered whose the opposite of me."

Zahara,

Your post just sent a chill down my spine. In a good way. I am trying to realize my decision for NC, why I made it, and how far i've come since. I've been keeping extremely busy, which helps keep my mind off of her. In class it's unavoidable, but I still try to keep to together and play it cool. But there are times when I go into the bathroom stall and vent out my emotions like all creation, that's when I feel I must make some sort of communication, in a deluded beacon of hope let's say. I say to myself " I can atleast be nice to her, I can atleast be on good terms, she's on good terms with every other guy, maybe I could be like them." But, she won't treat me the way she treats the other guys, She cannot, deep down she hates me, or can't get past the history or whatever.

But when reality kicks back in, I say, "Wait, I CAN'T be friends with her. I can't go back to that, WHO WOULD?" But I love her, so it hurts too. It's a sort of relief to know that there's a 'physical' reason for not being able to be together ie. communication, etc. But that excruciating as well knowing that if that's where the problem lied, It would have been a simple fix if i had known it before the fights.

It hurts knowing what's done is done, and each cycle gets more dilapidated. I guess it truly is over, and this isn't just another cycle.

July 22, 2014

I am trying to realize my decision for NC, why I made it, and how far i've come since. I've been keeping extremely busy, which helps keep my mind off of her. In class it's unavoidable, but I still try to keep to together and play it cool.

And keep doing that. When you start to question yourself, dig deep into the reality of it all. It would even help you to read your threads that you created because that is a vivid reminder of the realilty you were going through. I understand it's hard to go through NC when what pains you is right there infront of you. But you're taking all the right steps, hard as it is, you'll get there.

But there are times when I go into the bathroom stall and vent out my emotions like all creation, that's when I feel I must make some sort of communication, in a deluded beacon of hope let's say. I say to myself " I can atleast be nice to her, I can atleast be on good terms, she's on good terms with every other guy, maybe I could be like them." But, she won't treat me the way she treats the other guys, She cannot, deep down she hates me, or can't get past the history or whatever. But when reality kicks back in, I say, "Wait, I CAN'T be friends with her. I can't go back to that, WHO WOULD?"

It's because when you start feeling those emotions, that come in waves, the only way you believe you can salve and soothe that unrelentless pain is to seek comfort from her. The thing is, you can never seek comfort from what pains you. You try to find ways to bandaid what you feel. And your brain (rational) and heart (emotional) have this war -- heart wants you to go to her because she can comfort you, brain is going caution, caution, don't go near! And it's all normal. You are grieving from this and this battle that you have is something we all have been through. But if you give it time and you allow this process to do what it's supposed to do, your brain will slowly start to take over. It happens when the emotional attachment starts to fade.

The thing with rollercoaster relationships, it's much harder to detach and let go. You've been conditioned with toxicity and you're addicted to it. This is almost like detoxing yourself. It's going to take time. Just don't react when you start to doubt yourself.

It hurts knowing what's done is done, and each cycle gets more dilapidated. I guess it truly is over, and this isn't just another cycle.

Yes, this isn't just another cycle because YOU are choosing to now finally break it. Empower yourself because this change is going to release you and allow you to achieve emotional freedom. And when you get there, you're going to knock yourself over the head and go, "15 break-ups...WT...!"

Edited July 22, 2014 by Zahara

July 22, 2014

And keep doing that. When you start to question yourself, dig deep into the reality of it all. It would even help you to read your threads that you created because that is a vivid reminder of the realilty you were going through. I understand it's hard to go through NC when what pains you is right there infront of you. But you're taking all the right steps, hard as it is, you'll get there.

It's because when you start feeling those emotions, that come in waves, the only way you believe you can salve and soothe that unrelentless pain is to seek comfort from her. The thing is, you can never seek comfort from what pains you. You try to find ways to bandaid what you feel. And your brain (rational) and heart (emotional) have this war -- heart wants you to go to her because she can comfort you, brain is going caution, caution, don't go near! And it's all normal. You are grieving from this and this battle that you have is something we all have been through. But if you give it time and you allow this process to do what it's supposed to do, your brain will slowly start to take over. It happens when the emotional attachment starts to fade.

The thing with rollercoaster relationships, it's much harder to detach and let go. You've been conditioned with toxicity and you're addicted to it. This is almost like detoxing yourself. It's going to take time. Just don't react when you start to doubt yourself.

Yes, this isn't just another cycle because YOU are choosing to now finally break it. Empower yourself because this change is going to release you and allow you to achieve emotional freedom. And when you get there, you're going to knock yourself over the head and go, "15 break-ups...WT...!"

Zahara,

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words of wisdom and caution. I'm back to NC mode, so what if she's in my class? She's the past. Plus I have a cute new girl that's been asking for some help with homework

Please keep that baseball bat handy in case you need to knock me over the head again if I talk about breaking NC.

Alex

July 22, 2014

Zahara,

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words of wisdom and caution. I'm back to NC mode, so what if she's in my class? She's the past. Plus I have a cute new girl that's been asking for some help with homework

Please keep that baseball bat handy in case you need to knock me over the head again if I talk about breaking NC.

Alex

You're very welcome, Alex. I'm glad to have been of some help to you. Whenever you feel like you're weak, vent it out to your friends, come to LS. Most times these feelings come in waves and they will pass. Just don't react. You just need to find an outlet other than your ex to help you through it.

Of course! I'll be around to help you when/if you start to feel like you're faltering...without bat!

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Been NC for 4 months now..Just saw my ex with another guy..feel like dying [updates!]

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