Interracial Couples - Interesting Experiences?

February 17, 2005

Last weekend was the first time in the 3 yrs. I've been with my bf, that me and him being interracial became an issue. (Other than dirty looks from his Jewish 90 yr. old grandmother, that is. )

First, we go shopping together, and the woman rings up half the stuff and then tells him the total. He's like - no, it's all together. And she looks at me, and then looks at him, and then the stuff...and is like, oh....I didn't know that you and her.... I was totally irked by it! I mean, why wouldnt I be his gf, ya know? She was this white woman, and he is white too. I am indian.

So, the next day we grab a quick lunch and are walking to the car. 4 Indian guys approach me - so I just smile and then hold my bf's hand and walk closer to him. They start yelling at us...mostly him tho...and tell him to stop parading around his trophy. And then they tell me to "come back home, girl!!!" They said all sorts of stuff about how he's just some WHITE guy...and probably sucks in bed and whatever. It was so terrible..

Me and him are both relatively outspoken...but I couldnt even get anything out! I was just so shocked and I think he was too.

Anybody ever experience anything like this? I am SO not used to this!

Bb

February 17, 2005

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your horrible experiences. I can't say I can relate, but I am in an interracial relationship too. I'm Hispanic and my boyfriend is Italian. We've never faced any kind of racism or discrimination. Good thing too because that would infuriate me to no end. I can see why you're speechless.

Come to think of it, I did have a comment made to me once by a Hispanic guy I used to play softball with. He told me that he would have liked to have asked me out on a date but I'm dating this WHITE guy. Emphasis on the white part.

February 17, 2005

Chemistry transcends racial stereotype. It's not for everyone though.

February 17, 2005

i am a white gal who has been dating an indian man for almost 3 years. i have had men mention something about his race to me, but it is rare thank god. the hardest thing for me is his family for they are very traditional. i was brought up to be opinionated, strong and independant. and as you know those are not important qualities for a tradional indian woman to have. his family loves me and i love them, but it can be trying at times.

one thing that always concerns me is how our family will be in the future. i don't want to raise my children in the city, but in many places outside the city i have found racism. we can't wait to have mocha babies (as we call them, they are gonna be sooo cute), but i don't want my babies having issues with ignorant people as they grow up, yeah know?

February 17, 2005

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience! I'm white and I'm married to a man who is half Indain and half white. His mom is full blooded Indian, and for some reason she does NOT like me one bit. She always tells him that he should have married an Indian girl. Which makes absolutely no sense because she herself married a white person. I guess some people just can't handle it.

February 17, 2005

i am also in an interracial relationship, i am Chinese, he is half japanese half mexican (interesting combo if you ask me ) anyhow, i have always dated outside my race, and i didnt think it was something to worry about until two years ago, when my bf wanted to go to Hong Kong to meet my family, his grandparents flipped out big time. i got along with them just fine before that, but once they found out we were serious about each other, they were furious that he wanted to leave the country to meet my family. i have always kept my mouth shut for the most part, never did i ever disrespected them in any way, but all hell broke loose when i opened my mouth one day after i just couldnt keep my silence anymore, his grandma went nuts and his grandpa punched me in the face. now they never said that they didnt like me coz i am chinese or something, but i know deep down that was the reason.

grandpa is white, grandma is French (war bride), they adopted three japanese kids, one is my bf's mom, his mom married a mexican, later divorced, grandparents hated his dad. his uncle married a Guamanian, they hate her. his aunt married a white man, they liked him ok.

February 17, 2005

i am also in an interracial relationship, i am Chinese, he is half japanese half mexican (interesting combo if you ask me ) anyhow, i have always dated outside my race, and i didnt think it was something to worry about until two years ago, when my bf wanted to go to Hong Kong to meet my family, his grandparents flipped out big time. i got along with them just fine before that, but once they found out we were serious about each other, they were furious that he wanted to leave the country to meet my family. i have always kept my mouth shut for the most part, never did i ever disrespected them in any way, but all hell broke loose when i opened my mouth one day after i just couldnt keep my silence anymore, his grandma went nuts and his grandpa punched me in the face. now they never said that they didnt like me coz i am chinese or something, but i know deep down that was the reason.

grandpa is white, grandma is French (war bride), they adopted three japanese kids, one is my bf's mom, his mom married a mexican, later divorced, grandparents hated his dad. his uncle married a Guamanian, they hate her. his aunt married a white man, they liked him ok.

February 17, 2005

Originally posted by CaGirl1980
I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience! I'm white and I'm married to a man who is half Indain and half white. His mom is full blooded Indian, and for some reason she does NOT like me one bit. She always tells him that he should have married an Indian girl. Which makes absolutely no sense because she herself married a white person. I guess some people just can't handle it.

Yea, I just had to sit back and think that some ppl. are just ignorant, and some ppl. are just stupid - and I just have to accept that.

Bb

February 17, 2005

Ahh yeah i know about this topic all too well.

The problem isn't the guys i have dated- it's my own family. My background is what could be broadly described as Mediterranean. My parents were born and raised (up until their early 20's) in their native country. They met and married in Australia...I was born and raised in Australia.

I have never dated a guy of the same background. My parents really really REALLY want me to marry and "stick with my own kind". My mother makes fun of people having half-caste babies and all sorts of rubbish. I on the other hand think that their thinking is stuck in the 50's...we live in one of the most multicultural countries in the world and yet they can't get past their thinking. It has caused many fights and many tears for me.

The families of every single guy i dated have never had ANY issue with my ethnicity or my religious background. I find it funny that one of my exs' parents had grown up and spent their entire lives in the country and didn't have much contact with different ethnic groups..and they LOVED me! It is usually people of the same background who believe you should "stick to your own kind"...kind of like preserving the "ways" of the culture.

In another century, countries like Australia, USA, England are going to be such a mish mash of all different cultures and everyone will be a rich mix of many different ethnic bloodlines. Maybe then people will be more openminded and accepting.

February 17, 2005

Sorry to hear that's been your experience. I can not relate to it. The closest I can come to that (and it's not really that bad) was when I was dating a Chinese gentleman (I'm white). His mom hated me, because she felt that he should only date/marry a Chinese woman. She wouldn't even talk to me much less look at me although his dad and the rest of his family was very sweet and would carry on a conversation with me.

February 19, 2005

I'm stuck. I am incredibly in love with a woman of Italian/Egyptian (Arabic) descent. The issue lies in the values/traditions that her family has embraced. We have been seeing each other exclusively for a year and a half. She is divorced as I am, and both of us have one son with an ex husband/wife. When we see each other it is in public or at my place, which is fine with me, as I thoroughly enjoy every second of her company!

My brother got married almost a year ago, and I invited her to accompany me to my brothers wedding and reception as I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to introduce her to all of my family. She had already met my son a couple months after we had started dating. I really wanted my whole family to see what a wonderful woman I was sharing my life with. She also had the "pleasure" of meeting my ex-wife and her husband (why my x was there is a whole other story). But parents and siblings (natural and step siblings) were all there as they live in different regions of the country. So I wanted to let them know that this woman is the one I love and am planning the rest of my life with. Everyone loved her, and it was a great success.

She let me know how special it was to her that I introduced her to my family and felt so strongly about our relationship. I told her that there is no doubt in my mind where this is leading as we had long ago professed our love for each other and knew it was long term.

Fast forward to now. As of yet I haven't met her family, that means son, brother or anyone of the family friends. We have had discussions about this, and her family doesn't want to meet anyone she is seeing until at least engaged. Now, her family is close and involved in lots of sports activities and attend together. I am unable to participate in any of these things because of family attending. She lives in a home with her son, which I have only seen from the outside.

I feel so left out of her life, as I can't share in her passion of sports and cheer her on, or attend anything where her son or brother are attending. Any dinners she has, I can't be there..... I can't even call her at home.... I have to wait til she calls me so that her son doesn't find out about me........well you get the idea...

I have no doubt in my mind that I am the only man in her life romantically, but I feel helpless when I am only involved in a small part of her life. HELP!!!!!!!!!

February 19, 2005

Unfortunately, this can be the way of some families..I have friends of Arabic background, and this is the way they like things to be. I think the underlying issue is, they dont want to open their family, which is usually very tight knit, to anyone unless the person is one step away from joining the family. They only want someone who is 100% serious about their child being invited into the home, usually when something official has occured, so the parents can tell their family and friends who you are without confusion. Boyfriend isnt a word thrown around in these families.

Traditionally, this is how it's done. And if i am not mistaken, you must go and ask permission from the parents before marrying their daughter. No matter how old she is!

This could be the first time you meet them- it depends on how they want things done.

I know it hurts. I know it is really hard to understand why they wouldnt want to get to know you first- i mean you could be a terrible person and they would never know! (not saying you are!).

It is unfair on you, i know this. But she is the only one who can stand up and say "dammit, you're meeting him". And it doesnt seem like she is prepared to do that. Have you discussed marriage in detail? If this is a step you want to take soon perhaps you should tell her you want to meet her parents and her family before they "give you permission" for marriage.

I know it sucks, in this day and age. But i know this is how it is with some families..believe me, i've got friends who have been through much much worse.

February 19, 2005

WALKINGTALL: Don't feel too discouraged about this, b/c I am positive it has nothing to do with her feelings towards you. In my own family, I know that I could not bring someone home unless engaged to them either. I'm not her ethnicity, I am Indian...but I know that some things like this cross over to many different cultures.

Parents do not want to know their daughters are "dating around" - translation - "having sex."

My own bf of 3 yrs (we are both 25 now) has never actually stepped into my home. He's come over to my apartment, but when he visits my parents home, he hasn't ever come in. He gets frustrated by this too, as I go over to his parents all the time - but he knows its a cultural thing, and not anything personal.

I have had this talk with him many times - so I know kind of what you might be feeling. I can't speak for her - but I never meant for it to shut him out, so I went out of my way to introduce him to my sisters at least, to let him know that I wasn't HIDING him, I just was not able to take him home with me. Suggest to her that you meet her friends or maybe some family members (sisters, cousins, etc.) that are okay with her dating you. Maybe that will help you to feel more incorporated.

Hope this helps!

Bb

February 19, 2005

I have to thank you both babybear and Jol, your words ease the anxiety that I have felt with this issue.

I Know this isn't just an issue for me, it is for her as well. We have discussed this, and I know dealing with it is the least I can do for us. She wants so badly to incorporate me fully into her life, and struggles with the feelings I have in this matter. There has never been a point in this relationship that I have felt that its not worth it to go through this as the love I have for her is far more important to me.

She as well has to deal with part of my life that is painful. I work away from home for months at a time and I know that it is very difficult for her as well.

There will be a time soon when it will no longer be an issue.

February 19, 2005

Originally posted by babybear
My own bf of 3 yrs (we are both 25 now) has never actually stepped into my home. He's come over to my apartment, but when he visits my parents home, he hasn't ever come in. He gets frustrated by this too, as I go over to his parents all the time - but he knows its a cultural thing, and not anything personal.

I am of indian background also but raised in U.S. I have dated women of all backgrounds over last 20 yrs.

I have had white girlfriends whose parents/family did not want to meet me cause I was not white-european so it works both ways.

One woman i dated who was of german descent was told by her parents that if she brought me into their house of married me that she was disowned. Needless to say, that was the end of our relationship.

But, she was very welcomed into my family. My dad and brothers loved her. Thing was that my mom had died a year earlier and she woulda been the one to make the big stink!

February 20, 2005

I’m sure we all get them now and then. I’m sure I get all the smart remarks and dirty looks too, but now I don’t even acknowledge it anymore unless ‘it’s in my face’ ..sort of speak. It felt a bit weird at first but later you realize that those people are just jealous of you guys and WANT to get to you. My boyfriend is white and I’m black, black men and white women seem to have the most problem, at first I use to notice the cold shoulder and blank stare I would get from white women when they found out I’m involved with a white man, they’re distant approach and ton load of questions. My experience with black men are have almost always been negative, even the ones who date IR themselves. There’s definitely a double standard. But hey, it hasn’t stopped us from loving each other even more.

Try this: If we sense someone staring or trying to make us feel uncomfortable, he’ll reach over a plant a big one right on theses juicy lips…it works like a charm

February 20, 2005

I'm white have ONLY always dated outside my race. (Always Mexican guys (and one guy from India). Anyway I haven't had any real negative experiences....my family is very open and welcoming to whoever I date....their only requirement is that they treat me well and respect me.

I've never had a problem with the guy's I've dated's family either, either brothers or cousins or sisters, whoever is here with them....don't seem to have a problem with the fact that I'm white. Speaking Spanish fluently has helped though because otherwise in most cases I wouldn't have been able to talk to/bond with the family.

February 20, 2005

Originally posted by Barby
I'm white have ONLY always dated outside my race. (Always Mexican guys (and one guy from India).

but is this really true inter-racial dating BARBY? Mexicans and asian-indians are technically classified as caucasians. They just happen to have darker skin cause their ancestors lived near the equator with more direct sunlight.

As far as i am aware there are only 3 distinct "races". Negroid (african), Caucasoid (white/mexican/indian) and Mongoloid (oriental, japanese, chinese, etc...)

So is a mexican dude or asian-indian dude dating a white chick really true inter-racial?

I would think black dating white or japanese dating black would be true interracial.

February 20, 2005

Originally posted by alphamale

but is this really true inter-racial dating BARBY? Mexicans and asian-indians are technically classified as caucasians. They just happen to have darker skin cause their ancestors lived near the equator with more direct sunlight.

As far as i am aware there are only 3 distinct "races". Negroid (african), Caucasoid (white/mexican/indian) and Mongoloid (oriental, japanese, chinese, etc...)

So is a mexican dude or asian-indian dude dating a white chick really true inter-racial?

I would think black dating white or japanese dating black would be true interracial.

OKay well...I dunno if it's "true" interracial dating but well everyone in little ole Indiana seems to think it is.

February 20, 2005

Originally posted by Barby
OKay well...I dunno if it's "true" interracial dating but well everyone in little ole Indiana seems to think it is.

yes, i see your point. lots of hicks in the midwest. he he. but if u took your mexican b/f to NYC or LA or MIAMI no one would blink an eye.

actually, a sidenote. did u know that Detroit is the most racially segregated city in the U.S.?

February 20, 2005

Hey I'm not a "hick" hahaha but yes I see your point a LOT of people are here are in fact "hicks" so at first (a few years back) it was taboo...now it's something you see everywhere so it's not really an issue.

February 20, 2005

actually, a sidenote. did u know that Detroit is the most racially segregated city in the U.S.?

Toronto is the most multicultural in Canada. I know what you're saying Alpha.

There’s definitely a double standard. But hey, it hasn’t stopped us from loving each other even more.

Try this: If we sense someone staring or trying to make us feel uncomfortable, he’ll reach over a plant a big one right on theses juicy lips…it works like a charm

SE, GOOD for you!! I agree, it shouldn't BE an issue...Who cares as long as each person is happy.

February 20, 2005

Originally posted by SweetEbony
My experience with black men are have almost always been negative, even the ones who date IR themselves. There’s definitely a double standard.

Anyways, I'm black and my girlfriend is white. NO problems whatsoever from my family about this and none from hers. I've met her two sisters and they really like me a lot. My dad is married to a white woman as well and my mom is with a white woman, so we don't play that prejudice crap in my family.

February 21, 2005

You what Proto, that’s the best thing! When your family is excepting of the person you bring home. My family is kinda like yours... my happiness is all that matters regardless of who I love. I love to see people of all races come together as one and live happy.

..and did you say your mom is with a white women…or you really meant white man. I’m pretty sure I gottcha ya though..lol

February 21, 2005

I'm half Vietnamese and 1/4 Jewish, if that means anything. I like being mixed. Mixed children are pretty. hah.

My older sister's husband - well his family disowned him for marrying my sister. They are fundamentalist Baptists and said that if God meant for teh races to mix, he would have made them that way. But 10 years later she pops out a blond haired, blue eyes little cherub of a son and all of a sudden grandma wants in on the new family. How conveeeeeenient.

I usually date white guys. I went out with one guy who was half latin half italian (hot hot hot HOT boy). I went out to lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant with this black guy I was thinking about dating (until I found out he had been to jail, he was a gang banger when he was younger, and he said the dreaded "you remind me of my ex...." blah blah blah).....the Vietnamese owner of the restaurant, who I know since I eat there all the time, was pretty nice to us. Nothing big. But I noticed when we walked down the street the stares, etc. I live in the South, so racism is enculturated here, it's everywhere, it's not subtle, it's quite obvious.

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