alwaysconfused2 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Hi, it's a long story, so I'll try to keep it short! Thanks for your time! Early May went out with a guy (met online) and the first date went really well. We went wine tasting at a few local places and spent about 4 hours together. He asked about dinner after, but I had a family event in the evening so I couldn’t. Texted him when I got home about how I had a great time. We continue texting on and off but don’t end up having a second date until 2 weeks later (busy work schedule, me graduating college so I was busy as well). We had planned to go to dinner, after dinner we decide to continue the date and we go play a few rounds of pool. We get along really well and I feel like something is there. After we got tired of pool, we drove back to my place (he had picked me up), and not wanting the night to end, he came in and we watched a few episodes on Netflix (on the wii in the living room). We hugged goodbye (and you’re wondering if he had came in hoping for more to happen, he knew that my roommate (literally we share a bedroom) was home studying for a final). We texted after that but I seemed to be the only one initiating texting, and he would reply and we would message a few times (maybe like 5-10 messages each) but he was always the one to stop responding. I decided to stop texting him first because I felt like maybe he was just being polite (that last guy I was into ended texting with me all the time and it never led anywhere so I didn’t want to fall into that again). About a week and a half go by and I’m convinced by my roommate (who saw us hanging out in the living room and told me it seemed like our personalities really fit well together) to text him again. He replied but it was a short conversation that led nowhere (this was on June 8th). Last night (25th) he texted me with a “hey how’s it going? Haven’t heard from you in awhile.” I had really liked the guy and thought we clicked so I responded and we had a simple conversation, mainly just how things are going/what exciting things we’ve done lately. Per all our other conversations he was the one who stopped replying. I’m really confused with him. Would it be weird/off putting to text him tonight and be like “Hey, just curious, why did you decide to text me yesterday?” I’d just like to know what he’s thinking. In our conversations on our second date he ended up talking about how he’d like to eventually settle down but he thinks he has a problem because once he’s in a relationship he seems to always lose attraction to the girl. Also he had told me that between our first and second date his ex had tried to get back together with him and he briefly considered the idea (he deactivated his account online because of it—that’s how it came up) and that he regretted considering it. Also in case you consider it relevant he’s 26 and I’m 21.
Poppygoodwill Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Okay, this is pretty simple: he's just not that into you. He's being polite and friendly, but he's not initiating - and that's the key. If people want to see someone, they make it happen. In the same way you are texting him because you want to see him again. It's natural. The fact that he's not reaching out to you, or suggesting another date means that he's not interested. Also - red flag - on the first date he warned you off with the talk about how he's not good in relationships, etc etc. There's an old adage: when someone tells you who they are, believe them. So chalk it up to experience and walk away. Count yourself lucky that he didn't waste any more of your time. I would say there's no point trying to engage him in a discussion about why/why not he's been in touch, etc. The fact that he's not initiating *is* the message.
Author alwaysconfused2 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) That's what I had been thinking, until he texted me out of the blue yesterday. Until then I had pretty much given up on it/moved on. How awkward would it be for me to text him asking why he decided to text me yesterday? Nothing to lose, right? Edited June 27, 2014 by alwaysconfused2 added on the last question
haribogumsnickers Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 That's what I had been thinking, until he texted me out of the blue yesterday. Until then I had pretty much given up on it/moved on. How awkward would it be for me to text him asking why he decided to text me yesterday? Nothing to lose, right? No need to ask why because he was bored. And yes you have your self integrity and value to lose. If he was into you, then you wouldn't be feeling confused. Next this dude. If he texts, just respond in short and end it like he would.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 No need to ask why because he was bored. And yes you have your self integrity and value to lose. If he was into you, then you wouldn't be feeling confused. Next this dude. If he texts, just respond in short and end it like he would. This is what I am thinking, too. If he were truly interested, he'd have gotten in touch much sooner. You already know he's not relationship material - he told you that. Believe him and move on. And no, don't bother asking why he texted. It doesn't really matter.
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