sparkles_and_me Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Has been going out with this guy for around 3 months, he is 7 years older than me. All dates have been fun. We went out for dinner the other night and it went well, while he was driving me home, he said that he just wanted to make sure we were on the same page, saying that he isn't even sure if he is ready for a relationship but he is enjoying what we are having right now and it was always fun when we are together. I didn't respond to him right away because I don't even know what to say. I actually like how things are going between us right now but the fact that he told me that he is not ready for a relationship made it awkward. I asked him what his expectations were, he answered "Nothing. I just like to go with it." To be honest, I'm happy being with him and is thinking about having a relationship with him in the future, so I am not sure if his perception of not being ready for a relationship will ever change, or he just like being with me for company. He had been in a LTR but broke up 2 years ago, which lasted for 9 years (I don't know if this even matter). Should I continue seeing this guy? Or just cut it off?
starrynightz45 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 He should know by 3 months whether or not he wants a relationship with you. Him saying he's not ready for a relationship after 3 months means "I like you, but I don't like you enough to just be with you. I like the sex and hope you will continue to give it to me with no expectations of exclusivity." That's pretty much it. He's not going to continue dating you and then come to the realization that he wants a relationship. He's a grown adult and would know in 3 months if he wants to pursue this. Now, this is not because you did or said anything wrong. He just doesn't want to commit to you, and him telling you makes it OK for him to continue this. If you agree, you can't say you have any expectations of him, he gets what he wants, and you're left unhappy. If you care about yourself and your happiness, cut him off. 2
haribogumsnickers Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I repeat, do not continue this thing with him. Resist the urge at all costs. Don't cut him off either, just cut him. Figuratively speaking with harsh language. I got your back.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I wouldn't continue seeing him. If you're looking for a relationship, he's not the one for you. You will probably end up getting hurt when he starts dating other girls or continues to hang out with you but won't commit to you. Don't waste your time.
ReadySettyGo Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Just ask him directly if he's ready to be exclusive. If not, then what more do you need to know?
Author sparkles_and_me Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 I know I'm the only one he's seeing but that is not enough, I'm looking for something serious/ long-term. I will stop seeing this guy, he will cause more pain in the long run if I continue with this. Thanks to everyone for the input, I really needed that as a wake up call. I'll start exploring my options and see other guys and I hope eventually I'll meet the one intended for me.
Assasda Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Hold on, did you ask him something, or did he just devolve his feelings, that he's not sure if he wants a relationship?
Dallers Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 He has options. A guy with options does not care for anyone but himself which was made clear by what he said to you if he didn't have those options he might have said something completely different. Which is why you will get hurt if you stay with him and he will eventually vanish. I speak from a brain that once worked in the same way.
giblesp Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 If you love him and he loves you, you're in a relationship. Life doesn't wait for us to be ready. No point in holding back out of fear. Next thing you know, you're 50 and haven't lived.
Author sparkles_and_me Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 I did not ask him anything. He was driving me home from dinner then just started telling me "I think now is the right time to talk about this. I am not sure what you are looking for but I just want to let you know that I'm not yet ready for a relationship but I enjoy spending time with you. We always have fun when we go out. I want to make sure we are in the same page. We'll see where this goes but for now, i think we should just enjoy what we have. If it progresses into something more then be it but if it didn't, it's okay." When he said that, I didn't know how to respond but after a while I asked him, so "What are your expectations?" Then that's the time he answered, "Nothing. I just like to go with it." From then on, I knew that he's not someone who wanted to commit yet. That's why when he asked me if I wanted to chill for a little bit, I told him to drop me home, I just wanted to go home at that time. So I guess moving on is the answer. 1
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