How to move on and keep LC

[turningpoint]

Alright, so things with the guy I was seeing took an odd turn and I simply can't deal with it. It was a STR, only a couple of months. He ended things a couple of months ago. I thought he wanted to try again since he was being very emotional with me (telling me how important I am, how he can't lose me, how he wanted me to meet his family, etc.), we went on a long romantic hang out (he tried to kiss me) and so on. Well I asked him what we were doing, and he said we were just friends. We talked for 3 hours (about our lives in general and him viewing me as a friend), and he basically said he doesn't feel much chemistry with me and that's the one thing missing. How everything else is great, but we just lack physical chemistry. I felt like the 3 hour conversation was good, but then the next day, he texts me saying how he isn't over his ex and venting to me about her. I ended up giving him advice about it but that took a lot out of me emotionally and I felt like a complete idiot giving advice to a guy who just told me he wasn't THAT attracted to me the day before.

 

Anyway he sent me a long text saying how wonderful the advice I gave him is and how appreciated it is, and I decided to ignore it. (BTW this guy takes 2-4 days to respond to my texts so I didn't feel bad ignoring it) A day later he initiates a text with me asking for my opinion on a movie (likely because I didn't respond). I respond, and then we text for a day and then he chooses to not respond for 3 days. We have tickets to a musical together, and on Monday I got fed up and texted him saying I probably can't go (without giving a reason or anything). He sent me another text saying how awful he would feel if I can't make it and to let him know if I really can't go, and then asking me questions about how my week is... but I haven't responded and it's been almost 4 days now.

 

I'd like to continue being friends but realize I need this space. Not to get over him or move on, but more just to see him for who he really is. I also read a couple of books and realized I've been way too nice to him. It's my nature to be thoughtful and kind, but didn't realize that allows people to take advantage of me and view me as someone who will put up with their crap. This was a huge wake up call for me and I'm trying to stop being so "nice" to people who don't deserve it or appreciate.

 

Anyway things ended when I was just realizing I was in love with him, so it's been difficult to figure out my emotions. I'm just not sure if it's okay to ignore his texts like this? If he texts me again, I'll likely respond, but honestly, he takes 4 days to respond to my texts... so since it's not working for me, I just don't even feel like texting him. It just seems pointless. Am I being rude or juvenile by acting like this? Again, I'd like to still be friends. He hurt me, and was immature but he's not a complete jerk and there could be something good out of this in the far future. I just want some serious distance between us but don't want to cut him off completely.

[d0nnivain]

You can't be friends this soon after. You don't contact him but you be polite & cordial when you do bump into each other.

 

After a while -- at least a year -- you can maybe exchange a text or e-mail.

[me85]

I read your story and basically you're ME!

 

Especially this paragraph:

 

I'd like to continue being friends but realize I need this space. Not to get over him or move on, but more just to see him for who he really is. I also read a couple of books and realized I've been way too nice to him. It's my nature to be thoughtful and kind, but didn't realize that allows people to take advantage of me and view me as someone who will put up with their crap. This was a huge wake up call for me and I'm trying to stop being so "nice" to people who don't deserve it or appreciate.

 

This is my exact problem. I'm just too nice and forgiving.

[Elle1975]

Alright, so things with the guy I was seeing took an odd turn and I simply can't deal with it. It was a STR, only a couple of months. He ended things a couple of months ago. I thought he wanted to try again since he was being very emotional with me (telling me how important I am, how he can't lose me, how he wanted me to meet his family, etc.), we went on a long romantic hang out (he tried to kiss me) and so on. Well I asked him what we were doing, and he said we were just friends. We talked for 3 hours (about our lives in general and him viewing me as a friend), and he basically said he doesn't feel much chemistry with me and that's the one thing missing. How everything else is great, but we just lack physical chemistry. I felt like the 3 hour conversation was good, but then the next day, he texts me saying how he isn't over his ex and venting to me about her. I ended up giving him advice about it but that took a lot out of me emotionally and I felt like a complete idiot giving advice to a guy who just told me he wasn't THAT attracted to me the day before.

 

Anyway he sent me a long text saying how wonderful the advice I gave him is and how appreciated it is, and I decided to ignore it. (BTW this guy takes 2-4 days to respond to my texts so I didn't feel bad ignoring it) A day later he initiates a text with me asking for my opinion on a movie (likely because I didn't respond). I respond, and then we text for a day and then he chooses to not respond for 3 days. We have tickets to a musical together, and on Monday I got fed up and texted him saying I probably can't go (without giving a reason or anything). He sent me another text saying how awful he would feel if I can't make it and to let him know if I really can't go, and then asking me questions about how my week is... but I haven't responded and it's been almost 4 days now.

 

I'd like to continue being friends but realize I need this space. Not to get over him or move on, but more just to see him for who he really is. I also read a couple of books and realized I've been way too nice to him. It's my nature to be thoughtful and kind, but didn't realize that allows people to take advantage of me and view me as someone who will put up with their crap. This was a huge wake up call for me and I'm trying to stop being so "nice" to people who don't deserve it or appreciate.

 

Anyway things ended when I was just realizing I was in love with him, so it's been difficult to figure out my emotions. I'm just not sure if it's okay to ignore his texts like this? If he texts me again, I'll likely respond, but honestly, he takes 4 days to respond to my texts... so since it's not working for me, I just don't even feel like texting him. It just seems pointless. Am I being rude or juvenile by acting like this? Again, I'd like to still be friends. He hurt me, and was immature but he's not a complete jerk and there could be something good out of this in the far future. I just want some serious distance between us but don't want to cut him off completely.

 

Put your foot down. You said it yourself, you are way too nice.

 

I would say something along the lines of "I am looking for a long term commitment. Thanks for offering friendship, but that's not what I am looking for", and leave it at that.