ain5053 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Yes, I am planning on asking him to tell me exactly how he feels when he gets back in 4 days... But right now he is on my mind so much that I will write about it on here. So I've been with this guy for almost 3 months. We are coworkers. At first it started as a potential hook up, but smoothly flourished into a relationship. Although he is absolutely breathtakingly handsome and a man of all traits, I was not expecting to fall for him as I thought we might be too different from each other and too similar in other ways, he was different from other men I've dated, he wasn't my typical "type". But I was wrong... Maybe a month ago you would ask, I would say I am starting to like him. Today you might ask, and I am head over heels. I didn't think I could feel like this towards anyone else since my last relationship which ended in heartbreak (hence I am here with yall now), but now that I am with him, my feelings for my ex have completely vanished and honestly my ex doesn't even compare to this new man, and that's something huge to admit. However, I am having deja vu back to when I first met my ex and knew I was in love with him (happened immediately after the first date) - and remembering how scared I was and how vulnerable I felt... Because I knew I met someone that was so special and was terrified of losing him. And then how I felt when I did. And now I am having these same feeling towards this new guy, new territory.. I know he has feelings for me. He admitted that he has more feelings for me that he probably should, and he was afraid to admit it because he didn't want to appear "vulnerable." He said it was crazy because "do you have any idea how particular I am when it comes to girls..." When we have sex - it's different, I would say it's "making love", you know.. It's always extremely passionate and with eye contact and kissing. This week our families came to visit. His parents were here over the weekend and so were mine, so we spent time with them separately (I suppose it's too early for the meeting the parents thing). Then his parents left and his brothers came. He introduced me to his brothers and we all went out for dinner, and told me that they and their wives really liked me and even invited us to come visit them in the Fall. Then since we didn't see each other for a couple days (he is off work this week, and usually we spend everyday together), he came over last night and I could tell how much he missed me. He was very cuddly in bed and typically he does not like to cuddle. In the morning he didn't want to leave and he is always the one to get out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off and get going. Today him and his family left to a wedding for 4 days. So he is gone, and here I am at work, realizing that I am in love with this guy. And I am terrified. What do you think? Do you think he is in love with me too? So far I haven't seen any red flags... I will ask him how he feels when he gets back. But I just wanted somewhere to rant about my feelings.. This forum is great, thank you!
PegNosePete Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Whilst I would agree with the other poster about actions speaking louder than words, I don't think there is anything wrong with having this kind of conversation after 3 months. Don't go fishing for an ILY or anything else though, let him say that in his own time. I wouldn't ask him how he feels, but rather how he thinks the relationship is progressing and where he sees it going in the future. Think of it like a 3 month service for your relationship, to make sure you're both on the same wavelength. 1
Author ain5053 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Whilst I would agree with the other poster about actions speaking louder than words, I don't think there is anything wrong with having this kind of conversation after 3 months. Don't go fishing for an ILY or anything else though, let him say that in his own time. I wouldn't ask him how he feels, but rather how he thinks the relationship is progressing and where he sees it going in the future. Think of it like a 3 month service for your relationship, to make sure you're both on the same wavelength. I have an assertive and straight forward loud personality, I don't like to beat around the bush nor to be dishonest about about what's on my mind, and he knows that.. I don't think he would be surprised if I flat out asked him. After all, we have had a similar conversation already about a month ago (when he told me he really likes me, a lot). And of course I am not fishing for ILY or anything. I am just terrified because of how quickly my feelings have progressed, and because our jobs involve constant cooperation between us I am terrified of what will happen if something goes wrong. And for the sake of my feelings as well, of course. So I don't have a problem talking to him about it, but he has a different personality and prefers to keep to himself a lot, he is a kind of person that needs time to open up but I can see the difference in his eyes when he looks at me... I don't think bringing it up will scare him off, but I definitely don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or push him into saying something he doesn't truly mean. Should I wait?
Author ain5053 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Also, what do yall think about introducing me to his brothers and their wives (he has told them all about me before) but not to his parents? I asked him if he told his parents about me and he said he did but did not go into detail, because he did not want his mom to get "all excited." I completely understand of course, we have only been dating for a few months and to some people meeting the parents is a much bigger deal than to others. (I didn't introduce him to mine, but I could have if I wanted to, it's not such a big deal to me). He comes from a very proper family though, so introducing a girl to his parents might be as serious as getting engaged. I understand that. Just wondering if that means he does not see our relationship as potentially serious? He doesn't want to introduce me to his parents because he does not want to get their hopes up? Is it because he is unsure about our relationship progressing? It really is not a huge deal, I think it's just because it's only been 3 months, but I would like to hear your opinion anyway. Thanks
PegNosePete Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 After all, we have had a similar conversation already about a month ago (when he told me he really likes me, a lot). And of course I am not fishing for ILY or anything. Welllll... to me, it kinda does sound like you are. You're asking if we think he's in love with you, and you want to ask him what his feelings are. What are you hoping he'll say, if not ILY? Since you had a similar conversation a month ago, I would leave it for now. Give him time to express his feelings himself. It's a lot more meaningful if it comes unprompted, after all. Just wondering if that means he does not see our relationship as potentially serious? He doesn't want to introduce me to his parents because he does not want to get their hopes up? Yes I would agree it's just because it's only been 3 months. I don't introduce to my parents often because it confuses my dad a lot. He had a stroke a while ago and often gets names wrong... even though it's not his fault, it's not nice for a new GF to be called the name of a past one.
Author ain5053 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Welllll... to me, it kinda does sound like you are. You're asking if we think he's in love with you, and you want to ask him what his feelings are. What are you hoping he'll say, if not ILY? Since you had a similar conversation a month ago, I would leave it for now. Give him time to express his feelings himself. It's a lot more meaningful if it comes unprompted, after all. Yes I would agree it's just because it's only been 3 months. I don't introduce to my parents often because it confuses my dad a lot. He had a stroke a while ago and often gets names wrong... even though it's not his fault, it's not nice for a new GF to be called the name of a past one. Of course I would like him to say ILY, but I am just hoping for a confirmation that this is heading in the right direction and we are on the same page. Like I said, we work together and he is my superior, and I think it is very important that we are on the same page to avoid any possible conflict at work. For example, if he doesn't tell me he loves me I could try to succumb my feelings. I am just not sure he would be the first one to bring it up. Especially that last time he told me expressing his feelings makes him seem "vulnerable". So if I brought it up, he would still feel like he is in that control position and wouldn't feel "weak" to tell me how he feels.
Diezel Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 First off, don't assault him with questions right off the bat when he comes back. He has probably missed you too, even if he won't admit it. Don't ask such an open-ended question like "What are your feelings" because you are opening yourself up to disappointment. Also "ILY" in 3 months for a guy who is not as expressive is WAY too quick. Just ask if you are his girlfriend. Why does this need to be so complicated? And why are you worried about control? There is a severe amount of overthinking going on. Relax. Reign yourself in.
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