Cinders96 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Well my situation is I'm currently double dating but neither of them know each other and don't know I'm even doing this. I even have two cell phones so I don't get caught. However, I never made it official. Guy 1 (let's call him Joe): I met him while I was still in my last year of HS (just graduated this year). His heritage is French and well I started improving my french with him. He's been lately asking to make this serious and well I told him I would think about it but I'm not sure yet and to just still keep it casual for now. I'm guilty of lying to him about my whereabouts sometimes. Guy 2 (X): Met him two months ago while going to my best friend's party. According to him, he had a horrible break-up with his ex gf and wants to take things slowly but has lately been saying it's different with me. Just like Joe, he's been asking if I'm ready to make it official and I gave the same answer. I too lie to him about my wherabouts. Though, thee was a close call not so long ago because I was going to the movies with Joe. We were waiting with our tickets on the line just when I noticed X, which was only the 4th person ahead of us. He was with one of his friends. I made an excuse of having a cramp and quickly exited with Joe. Thing is once in a while I do feel as if I were cheating on them even though neither are my bf. I'm just having a hard time to decide which one because both are awesome. At the same time, I guess it's kind of like a thrill dating two at once and they not knowing this.
Keenly Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 You are free to do whatever you want, however, the ethical thing to do would be to inform all parties involved of what you are doing, especially if you are banging. 1
Priv Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Ofcourse it is not cheating. Lying to your 2 boyfriends about their existance, one of whom you have been dating for a year or so, about your whereabouts, pretending you are sick so you don't get caught, and having 2 cellphones is perfectly wholesome healthy behaviour in any relationship. 4
spiderowl Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 You are free to do whatever you want, however, the ethical thing to do would be to inform all parties involved of what you are doing, especially if you are banging. Got to agree with this. It would be ethical to give them the choice whether they wish to date you while you are seeing someone else. You should certainly tell them if you are sleeping with these guys otherwise they are being put at risk of disease without knowing it.
littleplanet Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) Ofcourse it is not cheating. Lying to your 2 boyfriends about their existance, one of whom you have been dating for a year or so, about your whereabouts, pretending you are sick so you don't get caught, and having 2 cellphones is perfectly wholesome healthy behaviour in any relationship. but.....................they're not relationships. Just what is "not my bf" supposed to mean anyway? I would think the OP has first dibs on exactly how that is defined? BUT! OP - let's get this straight: Guy one.....the maginificent Joe.......has expressed feelings and a desire to want to make you his main squeeze (and has worked a little mileage on the deal.) Guy two.......the amazing nameless......has also after only two months, admittedly.....expressed the same wish. And he's the sorry survivor of a horrible breakup. So how do you handle the cloaks and daggers? The secret life of Ms Mitty? If these two dudes were freewheeling easy going fellas with not a care in the world who wanted to keep things nice and casual - then I'd say it's no big deal. But what was it that made you take on fella number two without telling number one? I get it that only lately "Joe" has expressed ferocious fondness - but wasn't that after #2 was on the scene? Would that not have been the perfect time to spill the beans? Just a suggestion.......................... Being straight about this could lose you one, or maybe even two, true. But on the other hand, it they're such wonderful guys, do they not deserve a little bit of truth? (especially germane to the issue.) And of course, the most interesting question: Are one or both of these guys exclusive with you? (You're the only one they date?) I get that neither one is your boyfriend. You haven't officially declared anything. I get that you can't make up your mind. I get that this isn't cheating - in the conventional sense. No promises have been made. But if you, yourself, are feeling like you're cheating someone, somehow.....then maybe you need to think a little bit about the cost of the "thrill" that all this is giving you. Is it worth it? I mean....lies are never the solid bricks upon which to build a decent relationship with anyone. So even if neither guy enjoys bf status at the moment - if either one ever will.......this might come back to haunt you. And, as has already been stated here - if you are physically intimate with either one, or both - I think that pushes the envelope just a little bit. Good luck! Edited June 28, 2014 by littleplanet
Author Cinders96 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Well I have done some things, just not straight sex. I feel like I would need to make one of them my bf while dumping the other. Priv they're not my bfs, just dates I go out with sometimes. Just that they're taking this serious while I'm just still trying to one which one I like the most. Hard to decide still. I can tell them both the truth. At the same time, I think they might then ditch me. So much for the thrill. It'll more than likely be over. But ok, I'll see how it goes.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I can tell you right now, it's not easy doing this in the long term and I know I certainly don't find it at all thrilling. I guess the obvious answer would be that you should either make a decision or tell them what you're doing...but I'm not going to sit here handing out advice I'm not even taking myself. Frankly, you haven't made it official with either of them and unless you all have discussed exclusivity you're not cheating or breaking any promises. Although I certainly would hate to be out of the loop...but then again I'm a hypocrite. However I think a good question to ask yourself is, how would you feel if you found out they were both seeing other girls too? That can often be a deciding factor in itself. That said, I have no earthly idea why you'd even need two cell phones to do this I mean come on, we're not talking about espionage here.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 They've both expressed interest in taking the next step with you but it seems like you're having too more fun with the idea that you're "sneaking" around than being serious with either of them. Seems very immature particularly since you're not being straight with them or yourself for that matter. And don't even get me started on the two cell phones. Ugh.
Trimmer Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 They've both expressed interest in taking the next step with you but it seems like you're having too more fun with the idea that you're "sneaking" around than being serious with either of them. Yeah, that's the thing that strikes me, too. On one hand "it's so hard to decide", but it seems that the overriding thing is really the thrill of it all. If you stumbled into this situation and the primary thing you felt was bad, and you wanted to figure a way out, then I could understand it a little better, and maybe offer heartfelt advice. But it seems that one of the reasons you don't want to resolve it is you don't want to lose that thrill. Given that, I really don't have any advice for you. 1
Priv Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 but.....................they're not relationships. Just what is "not my bf" supposed to mean anyway? I would think the OP has first dibs on exactly how that is defined? Priv they're not my bfs, just dates I go out with sometimes. Just that they're taking this serious while I'm just still trying to one which one I like the most. Hard to decide still. Well, whatever you want to call them. If you feel the need to have 2 cellphones to be able to keep seeing both something is off.
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