xxsilverdragonxx Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 This has begun to frustrate me. I don't even remember the exact length of time it's been since we broke up. I could calculate, but why? It was sometime in october, close to halloween. Ok. almost 5 months. Since then I've had maybe 3 or 4 contact situations, but only 2 of those were initiated by me, one because she was in the hospital after a wreck she was in, and the other I visited her at work 2 weeks after she broke up w/ me. The other situations were because I had to go over to her house because me and her parents had a good relationship, and I had very small business ties to her father. Those times of contact we both played defensively, she trying to tell me the new and wonderful things in her life, etc. While I was really just there to conduct business and talk with her dad. Well, the last time I went over to the house, I decided for good that it would be the last. It just didn't feel right to me anymore. I felt good about that decision, and still do. I haven't been over there in a month, I think. I actually miss talking to her dad more than anything if that tells you where I'm coming from. I don't know if I need to go into more details, because I've posted plenty on here. So, I'll just get to my current problem. I started a new medication recently, and recently thoughts of her have popped into my head at really weird times, like in the shower. Mostly the why questions, like why did she do/not do this when we were together or why I didn't do/not do this. That kind of thing. So to you and me, it seems like I'm still hung up on her right? Heres the problem. I don't think I'm hung up on her. Maybe I have some unresolved issues, but I've thought it through before and see that its best just to step back out of her life, so I can continue my own. I care about her as a person, but I thought I had accepted our split, in fact, I was only terribly upset for a short time before I began to feel good about being single again. Initially I got over the break up pretty quickly, and I don't think I am in any kind of denial. Maybe I'm just getting too lonely. I dunno. I'm totally confused about how I feel right now, because it doesn't seem to fit any patterns I've been through before, nor does it coincide with my daily actions and thoughts. It just seems to be random. THANK GOODNESS I have a way to stop myself before those little thoughts become day ruiners. I just tell myself the same thing over and over, about how stupid and pointless thinking deeper into these spasms are. It helps. Does this make any sense, or is anyone else experiencing this? I mean, I'm even past the things that used to bother me, like seeing pictures of us together, or knowing about the notes she wrote to me. That stuff doesn't hold any weight anymore. What if this is just a precursor to a huge relapse? If so I won't be able to handle it at all. Oh, and I mentioned the medication above; I don't think that is causing this, I just noticed my thoughts being more active when I started taking it.
Weird Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 this period is common and it'll go away. As you said, it is just a period of "why?" that one can only really think/wonder when their mind is fairly clean rather than right after a break. I have had it and I came out of it realizing things about her I never realized before I was in my "why?" thought phase. IMO it isnt a sign you are about to relapse....at least it wasnt for me.
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted February 17, 2005 Author Posted February 17, 2005 Originally posted by Weird this period is common and it'll go away. As you said, it is just a period of "why?" that one can only really think/wonder when their mind is fairly clean rather than right after a break. I have had it and I came out of it realizing things about her I never realized before I was in my "why?" thought phase. IMO it isnt a sign you are about to relapse....at least it wasnt for me. I've read some of your other posts before. They all seemed to be genuine, as in you had a pretty level-headed approach to all the issues. I'm just hope it does go away, I mean I really want this put behind me. I appreciate it.
Weird Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 No problem son and I really do think the phase will pass. BTW how is she doing after that car accident? I remember your posts about it and your visit to her.
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