pappa k Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 I'm not sure really what to say to women at the bar to start a conversation with them ? Any advice ? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 hello Ask about the band or the game on TV. the weather is always a neutral topic. Stay away from commenting on them or giving them fake compliments. Avoid cliché pick up lines. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pappa k Posted June 26, 2014 Author Share Posted June 26, 2014 hello Ask about the band or the game on TV. the weather is always a neutral topic. Stay away from commenting on them or giving them fake compliments. Avoid cliché pick up lines. Why avoid compliments ? Also how do I find out if they have a boyfriend or not without asking directly ? Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Would like to buy me a drink? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Don't give compliments right off the bat. It's try hard, fake and won't get you anywhere. If the girl is pretty, she knows she's pretty. If she has a nice dress, she knows it's a nice dress. Women are not otherworldly creatures, the majority of us are pretty easy to talk to but don't push conversation if they are clearly not interested. Don't ask if they have a boyfriend, just be friendly and nice. I guess my main piece of advice is don't approach women like it's obvious you want to get laid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Why avoid compliments ? Also how do I find out if they have a boyfriend or not without asking directly ? By complimenting her you are immediately taking it from strangers to sexual. That's too fast. You are also making it superficial. Get to know her. Talk to her about neutral subjects at least for the 1st hour. If she has a BF she will tell you by mentioning him. The minute you find out she's taken do not immediately get up & run away. You can ask about a BF directly just not immediately. For example if discussing the game on TV, ask how she came to follow that team or the sport. She will tell you if she became a fan through a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 You'd be well served worrying less about what to say and more about how you say it. Warm smile, from the eyes instead of from the mouthStrong eye contactSpeak clearly, with even volumeStand up straight, shoulders back, chest and head upMove smoothly and deliberately, don't fidget That's what really matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 As for bars in particular - just don't be lame. Its really not that hard. If you're a wallflower why would anyone actually want to talk to you. Don't hang around like a hyena sizing up all the women and waiting to pounce. Talk to everyone and show interest in them whether you want to get with them or not. Then if there's someone actually interested in you, or who you are interested in, they'll see you're not a dork. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Oh and one more thing. Don't be the guy at the bar nervously hanging onto his drink like its a teddy bear or a pacifier. Its really obvious. If you have to carry a drink around hold it in a relaxed way. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 It's more than a teddy bear... it's liquid gold. o_o" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Talk to her about neutral subjects at least for the 1st hour. If she has a BF she will tell you by mentioning him. The minute you find out she's taken do not immediately get up & run away. Why not? I'm not trying to be flippant. This was a HUGE stumbling block for me and I never figured out a good way to handle it. Obviously, it's rude to just cut a conversation short like that, but how do you make the best of this kind of situation. It's easy to just feel like that was X amount of time that you'll never get back. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Why not? I'm not trying to be flippant. This was a HUGE stumbling block for me and I never figured out a good way to handle it. Obviously, it's rude to just cut a conversation short like that, but how do you make the best of this kind of situation. It's easy to just feel like that was X amount of time that you'll never get back. Because maybe she has single friends or is meeting a single friend for a drink? Why is it people think you can only have a friendly conversation with someone if you're getting something out of it? Treat it as experience cold approaching a woman. That should be enough to make it worth your time. Kids these days. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 Why not? I'm not trying to be flippant. This was a HUGE stumbling block for me and I never figured out a good way to handle it. Obviously, it's rude to just cut a conversation short like that, but how do you make the best of this kind of situation. It's easy to just feel like that was X amount of time that you'll never get back. If you stick around for another 5 minutes / half hour you may be able to make her an ally. She has GFs. If you show yourself to be a nice person, maybe you will get an introduction. I'm not saying you need to spend the rest of the night talking to her but find a graceful way to slip out of the conversation without making it seemed like all you cared about was trying to get with her & not about her a person. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 Definitely be aggressive. I disagree. Being a assertive is awesome. Being aggressive -- mean, pushy, all about you with no consideration for what the other person wants -- bad play all around. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Being aggressive? Really? I'd be turned off in an instant. The women probably give in out of fear or because their minds are already warped to "traditional gender roles". Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 That's the problem right there. You're telling me how I'd react by a man approaching me. I'm saying I would be turned off, I've been in that situation and I feel uncomfortable. Are you sure you know the definition of aggressive? Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Ah, so your tactic is try to this on multiple women during the same night (unless you get lucky with the first one) and while they're already drunk. Still wouldn't turn me on, I would feel uncomfortable from someone immediately getting in my personal space or grabbing me. Now, how would you approach a woman in broad daylight at the park? Genuinely curious. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Sorry bro, you lost me at calling women sluts. I think I have it figured out thanks Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 You actually said ""Drunk" meaning that they still know what they are doing, but can blame it on the alcohol, so as not to look like a sl*t in the eyes of third party observers". Kind of the same thing as alluding to women as sluts. I am quite aware of the state of the word "slut" which is why it's not a good idea to use the term to describe women on such a public forum. I know that most people will not agree with me but I guess I have a different view of it which I'm okay with. It says where I'm from right under my avatar btw. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Well, maybe I should clarify. I only become aggressive around "primetime" (12-1) and later. And that point, I might either go up to a girl and start dancing behind her (at which point, she will either turn around to see what I look like or look at her friend for approval) or I will grab girls walking by me and pull them in close to me. I go for the makeout pretty quickly at this point, sometimes without knowing their name. This generally works for me, as I've gotten one night stand and girlfriends from this. But it has to be done in the right way and you have to be really in-tune with the girl's comfort level (ie: notice right away when she is becoming uncomfortable and pull back a bit....then resume slowly). Of course, I may got the odd negative response from this, but I've never been slapped, never been yelled at, never been pushed away, nothing like that. I've been in a lot of bars & worked in several. That kind of aggressive behavior would get you thrown out & banned from most of the places I frequent. Confident & cocky are fine. Physically touching before you are invited to is assault. You dance behind me on a dance floor & I don't know you, I'm going to move away. You make the slightest move toward me at that point, you are going to get to meet the bouncer. No, my behavior / opinion on this has not changed since I was 18. To the OP == Don't do this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Well, maybe I should clarify. I only become aggressive around "primetime" (12-1) and later. And that point, I might either go up to a girl and start dancing behind her (at which point, she will either turn around to see what I look like or look at her friend for approval) or I will grab girls walking by me and pull them in close to me. I go for the makeout pretty quickly at this point, sometimes without knowing their name. This generally works for me, as I've gotten one night stand and girlfriends from this. But it has to be done in the right way and you have to be really in-tune with the girl's comfort level (ie: notice right away when she is becoming uncomfortable and pull back a bit....then resume slowly). Of course, I may got the odd negative response from this, but I've never been slapped, never been yelled at, never been pushed away, nothing like that. The bolded is key to this type of approach. It's not an approach that has ever worked with me personally. But I do know there are women who respond to it because I know a guy who does it quite successfully. But I honestly think this isn't great advice to give a guy who doesn't even know how to start a conversation with a woman. You've jumped to Level 10, when he's back at Level 1. You really, really have to have the right timing, game, look and approach to make this type of strategy work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 The bolded is key to this type of approach. It's not an approach that has ever worked with me personally. But I do know there are women who respond to it because I know a guy who does it quite successfully. But I honestly think this isn't great advice to give a guy who doesn't even know how to start a conversation with a woman. You've jumped to Level 10, when he's back at Level 1. You really, really have to have the right timing, game, look and approach to make this type of strategy work. I agree. Saying that being "aggressive" with girls at clubs doesn't work at all is just factually incorrect. It absolutely is a valid strategy. Its just way beyond the capabilities of the OP. Telling him to just go pick up girls at a party is like giving a novice fisherman a 5-lb test line and telling him to go catch a Marlin. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I've been pretty understanding of your point until now topaMAXX. Women are not cattle to be poked and prodded whenever a man wishes to. If I was walking innocently anywhere (club or bar or library) and a strange man literally grabbed my arm and proceeded to touch my hair and try to make out, YES, I'd feel assaulted because it's not something I want. I mean, have you ever learned the definitions of these words? I've been in clubs packed with people ages 19-25 and have had this happen to me and guess what? The bouncers are on those guys within seconds. I'm not sure where you're picking up women but it obviously works for you to pick up drunk women after preying on every human being with boobs. I've literally had to elbow dudes in the dick for not leaving me alone even after asking them nicely to back off. You said it yourself, you back off when women seem uncomfortable but keep going in for more. It's because they've never been taught in their life to say NO to a man or maybe you prey on insecure women? If a guy has never approached a woman in a bar/club before, imagine him doing what you're saying for the first time. A woman would never understand his intention because the guy doesn't even understand it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 The issue here is that you are totally ignoring my main point that I've said over and over. You don't treat women right or respect them. Period. When a guy gets smacked it's because the woman is defending herself from being assaulted. Big deal? The big deal is that you don't seem to find an issue with assault. Your method is effective because, like a predator, men like you will never give up until you achieve what you think you deserve... women. Link to post Share on other sites
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