waterwoman Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Checked his texts. Too many niggles, too many hints dropped by h, too many moods and silences, and I snooped. I have no doubt if I hadn't it would have dragged on for years, each of them trying to 'end' it, neither of them having the guts, neither of them having the courage to disclose. Frightening to think we could have ended up with a choked-off marriage like a tree strangled by ivy. The kind we read about here where a marriage weakened by minor issues gets drained of life by a long affair. There are times I can't beleive it happened. There are also times I can hardly remember what it was like to be a marriage without this horrible cancer in it. Right now we are watching football and sharing some wine and being quiet and calm and safe with each other. This is a blessed space of peace after a few horrible months. 2
Snowflower Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Checked his texts. Too many niggles, too many hints dropped by h, too many moods and silences, and I snooped. I have no doubt if I hadn't it would have dragged on for years, each of them trying to 'end' it, neither of them having the guts, neither of them having the courage to disclose. Frightening to think we could have ended up with a choked-off marriage like a tree strangled by ivy. The kind we read about here where a marriage weakened by minor issues gets drained of life by a long affair. There are times I can't beleive it happened. There are also times I can hardly remember what it was like to be a marriage without this horrible cancer in it. Right now we are watching football and sharing some wine and being quiet and calm and safe with each other. This is a blessed space of peace after a few horrible months. I'm glad you're doing well. I couldn't let this post go without commenting that I really liked what you posted. And yes, I'm glad your marriage and mine were spared getting drained of life by long, ongoing affairs. I read about that type of thing so often here and while I'm not glad about any type of affair, I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that type of thing either. I'm 5+ years out-closer to 6 now and I still have times where I can't believe it happened. Then there are other times where I briefly think about it but have accepted it as part of the tapestry of my life. And then there are still other times that I can't really remember my marriage without this horrible cancer/blemish on it--just like you say. And still, there are other times where I look back at that "innocent" marriage with sadness. So yep, I can really identify with what you wrote. And it is good you are feeling this way after 2 years. Sending good thoughts your way! 2
Author waterwoman Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 And yes, I'm glad your marriage and mine were spared getting drained of life by long, ongoing affairs. I read about that type of thing so often here and while I'm not glad about any type of affair, I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that type of thing either. Thank you snow x. It seems that LTAs just sap the life from a marriage and there isn't a way back. Even H admits that he feels the same - he never wanted to leave me, he didn't ever contemplate it, but their relationsip was distracting all his attention away from me and our family/relationship and he was finding it hard to find head space for us. I could feel that even in the first 6 months. God knows how you come back from years of that. I am at peace. We are at peace. It is utter bliss. This is what I have been longing for so long. 2
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