kaleidoscopic Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Good question. I'm with someone now who I am quite compatible with, people say we're a good match but there isn't that much chemistry. I don't think we're ever going to have that sort of fiery, passionate, exciting kind of relationship; instead he offers me understanding, stability and support. Sometimes I wonder if we're more like friends as we're too similar and should be with someone different. Or maybe I've watched too many hollywood romantic movies.
jbelle6 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Chemistry fades after years together with a partner.... And even with high chemistry, you have to WORK to maintain passion! IMAGINE not starting with chemistry to begin with! It would be a million times harder to ignite passion since there was none to begin with. I have tried letting a good friend sexually pleasure me; I had no urge to kiss him or have sex with him, I could only stomach letting him service me in the bedroom. He was very cute and I really REALLY liked him as a person. However, I didn't want to have to "work towards" learning how to want to kiss him and have sex with him. This is an ADULT relationship we are speaking of! Not a FRIENDSHIP. You need compatibility and FRIENDSHIP as well as SOME natural spark and passion from the get go! Have to agree. My ex husband feels like my brother. Great guy, we never fought, but I'm not looking for a room mate. I need both.
firmness Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Only one person said "Both"! So I will reiterate. You need both things...well at least I do. I have been spoiled rotten by the women in my life. And I mean Spoiled (note the capital "S"). So each relationship had me expecting more and more. It is unfair, I know, but I have also been on the receiving end of those expectations, so I get that too. Sparks get us interested and chemistry makes for passion. Compatibility can mean very different things to different people. What is more important to me than either of chemistry or compatibility are: Trust, respect, intimacy, good sex, and honesty. Find those and you don't worry about the other two.
writergal Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) For me, I need "both" chemistry and compatibility for a relationship to really work. I can't be in a romantic relationship with a guy I have nothing in common with. Not sure I buy that whole "opposites attract" cliche. I'd rather be in a relationship with a guy who I don't have to convince to like the same things that I do. Chemistry for me is emotional and physical. Compatibility for me is shared interests, values, morals, politics, hobbies, etc. Depending on the person you meet, this usually happens: - you have zero chemistry and are compatible - you have zero chemistry and are not compatible - you have chemistry and are compatible - you have chemistry and are not compatible Edited June 27, 2014 by writergal
irc333 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I think there are some people where chemistry does well for them, while others compatibility is their main frontrunner. I've never been a "Chemistry" kind of guy, never have been and base my selection of a future mate based on compatibility. (Similar likes, beliefs, value system , etc) Compatibility vs chemistry? What's more important? A friend and I were having a conversation about this. Both of us agree that relationships take work. Personally I don't think you can necessarily settle because marriages for example are work, and once you choose to be with someone you choose to work with that person. In my opinion, attraction and chemistry can build and grow over time. I really want to get married. My boyfriend chooses you talk about marriage prematurely but I think that's what he wants marriage, & there's nothing wrong with that particularly. Chemistry can be quite blinding. I've had chemistry with guys only to have them choose someone else over me with all the flirting and banta etc ....so chemistry actually means diddly squat. I believe compatibility is far more important and even more so that the MAN pursues the woman. What do other people think? 1
yankees51988 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 If I don't have chemistry with someone I don't waste my time going on a "date" with them. And by date I mean go to the bar/a party/concert cause I don't really like serious dates. I'll still hang out with them as a friend but I'm not interested in hooking up with someone I don't have chemistry with otherwise I'm just bored. 1
Charlie Harper Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Chemistry is paramount, if you don't have it you are only trying to be nice or fooling yourself. You need so see your significant other and go crazy about him-her…. then check if you are compatible and share the same life goals… find the trifecta and you are set… 1
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