Cadenza Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 My boyfriend can be pretty mature sometimes. He is 23 (I'm 18). We've been official for almost 10 months. Sometimes though he can be so immature he comes off as mean. I get we joke and all, but some things he says seem cruel sometimes and they turn me off where I don't want to text him back or talk to him. For instance (this will sound really dumb) , I'm really into Magic The Gathering and I sent him a picture of a card I recently traded. Last night it was a dragon and hydra He replies, "Oh it looks like you baby." I know he's joking, but he does this all the time sometimes and it's starting to vex me. I'll tell him to stop and he always says, "Baby I'm just kidding!" a week ago we were watching a movie, and an obese person comes on TV and a goes, "That's you" and I tell him to screw off (I'm 5'2 and 130lbs) Since I am Asian he always teases me that I look like I'm 15 and he goes, "of course I asked you to be my gf, because you look like you're 15! The legal kind." and I roll my eyes then he goes, "No, that's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because you make me happy." and he says things like these often and it pisses me off. Yesterday he said something like this and I'm so turned off, I really don't feel like talking to him. When I talk to him, he just says he's kidding and that I'm beautiful. He'Il just hate it. I'm not his buddy he can just insult and be okay with. I'm his girlfriend. He is a good bf other than that, he always says he loves me. He says I'm very beautiful and he loves that I'm petite and small. But goddammit, he can be such an ass that I'm so turned off I don't want to talk to him. I know he enjoys to annoy me because he thinks it's funny and he goes too far sometimes. What do I do? I love him, but he just irks me so much sometimes. What worse is know he does it on purpose sometimes. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Emilia Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 He is immature and annoying. Only time will cure this, can't imagine his behaviour will take a 180 turn all of a sudden.
Zahara Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 (edited) This is the guy that forces you to do things you don't want to do -- nude pictures and sexual acts that make you uncomfortable. In one of your posts you agreed he is a manipulator. And in your past thread he was possibly cheating on you, interacting with some woman about bringing along her handcuffs if/when they meet. And this is your issue with him? And you're "pissed" at this? Everyone has advised you to end this based on the other issues you have had with him but you choose to stay. You have bigger problems than his annoying comments. Edited June 26, 2014 by Zahara 1
ASG Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I don't recall reading your previous threads, but I'd say this has less to do with immaturity and more to do with differing sense of humour. Most of the examples you mentioned tickled me. I understand and enjoy that kind of humour. You clearly don't. I don't think that will change though... so you need to decide whether you can live with that or not. Compatible sense of humour is as important as anything else in a relationship...
Elle1975 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 My boyfriend can be pretty mature sometimes. He is 23 (I'm 18). We've been official for almost 10 months. Sometimes though he can be so immature he comes off as mean. I get we joke and all, but some things he says seem cruel sometimes and they turn me off where I don't want to text him back or talk to him. For instance (this will sound really dumb) , I'm really into Magic The Gathering and I sent him a picture of a card I recently traded. Last night it was a dragon and hydra He replies, "Oh it looks like you baby." I know he's joking, but he does this all the time sometimes and it's starting to vex me. I'll tell him to stop and he always says, "Baby I'm just kidding!" a week ago we were watching a movie, and an obese person comes on TV and a goes, "That's you" and I tell him to screw off (I'm 5'2 and 130lbs) Since I am Asian he always teases me that I look like I'm 15 and he goes, "of course I asked you to be my gf, because you look like you're 15! The legal kind." and I roll my eyes then he goes, "No, that's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because you make me happy." and he says things like these often and it pisses me off. Yesterday he said something like this and I'm so turned off, I really don't feel like talking to him. When I talk to him, he just says he's kidding and that I'm beautiful. He'Il just hate it. I'm not his buddy he can just insult and be okay with. I'm his girlfriend. He is a good bf other than that, he always says he loves me. He says I'm very beautiful and he loves that I'm petite and small. But goddammit, he can be such an ass that I'm so turned off I don't want to talk to him. I know he enjoys to annoy me because he thinks it's funny and he goes too far sometimes. What do I do? I love him, but he just irks me so much sometimes. What worse is know he does it on purpose sometimes. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I was dating a guy when I was younger who often said "I am not laughing at you. I am laughing with you". Really? Do you see me laughing? I left. He was just plain mean and disguised it through his "sense of humor". So yeah.. I'd go find someone else. You told him to stop, he didn't. Also.. I feel it's a way to put you down and make sure you stay with him, by hitting on your self esteem. 1
Author Cadenza Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 I don't recall reading your previous threads, but I'd say this has less to do with immaturity and more to do with differing sense of humour. Most of the examples you mentioned tickled me. I understand and enjoy that kind of humour. You clearly don't. I don't think that will change though... so you need to decide whether you can live with that or not. Compatible sense of humour is as important as anything else in a relationship... It is funny, but he keeps on mentioning stuff like this ALL THE TIME. Not frequently. ALL THE FREAKIN TIME. Like, 10 times every time we hang out. And he did stop talking to that chick and has never asked for nude pics since. So I decided to give it one more shot. He also went to therapy.
Zahara Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 An obese person is on TV and he says, "That's you." It's disrespect under the guise of humor. He's always disrespected you in this relationship. This is just more of who he is. This isn't humor. 2
somedude81 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Tell him that you do not like those comments and want him to stop. But more importantly, would you ever leave him if he never stopped making those jokes?
preraph Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Yes, you have a problem and not a keeper. He likes to put people down. People who like to routinely put people down like that do it because they feel pretty insignificant and putting someone else down, they feel, busts that person down to their level and it temporarily gives them a little boost of feeling superior. It's called leveling. If you've ever hung out on any fan boards, you'll always find some really critical people there busting down the celebrity because the more important the person is, the bigger it makes the insecure little work to find fault with them and bust them down to size. It's not good. It's abusive. It will probably get worse with familiarity the longer you know him. I don't think it's about maturity. It's about something that started in his childhood that gave him low self-esteem so he feels he always needs to find a way to build himself up. Don't be that person for him. 1
Author Cadenza Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 Tell him that you do not like those comments and want him to stop. But more importantly, would you ever leave him if he never stopped making those jokes? I would. I will if he doesn't since this is getting old
somedude81 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I would. I will if he doesn't since this is getting old OK. Then you need to let him know that. As long as he thinks that it's fine to keep saying those things, he's not going to stop. In his mind, he may believe that because you are still with him, it means that you like it.
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