Mel_anie Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I feel I am insane in a way. I feel broken and confused in an intense degree. I do not know what is good for me, what fulfills me in life and how I can be balanced and independent. I let control myself through my emotions every day. It is like a storm. I cannot see anything. It is so dark and there is no orientation. It is so difficult to let go, be silent, to listen, to calm down, to relax. I feel so weak, disappointed, frustrated, sad and the suffering is destructive. I feel like I have an impulse to destroy myself. To draw a conclusion: I am not healthy for myself. I am my own poison. This is how my present life feels like. On the one hand not following all these thoughts is the key but on the other hand the most “easiest” thing is the most difficult thing at the same time. “The observer is the observed”. I have never felt this sentence so much. When “I” observe “myself”, nothing really matters anymore. Everything feels okay in a way. It is just any life story. At this “place” there are no thoughts. There is no fight and no storm. There is actually just silence. Concerning us: At the beginning of our connection, I was unstable and unsure in my life. Restlessness and unbalance. I could feel in a way that something is wrong with me. This time with you until now was mixed. “Heaven” and “Hell” at the same time. I do not think that emotional dependence is healthy – I rather think it is insane. So many things, which happened in our world, hurt me in an incredible degree. At the same time no one has ever fascinated me in such a way as you did. In a way you were a drug for me. I felt addicted. I knew it is not healthy. For actually everybody: for you, for all these people around me and also for me. I feel I have a problem. I am running in an incredible speed but at the same time I am stuck. I do not know how to be a human being. How to live a life. My first priority in my own life is to get healed. To be independent, balanced, fulfilled and centered. It is not possible to reach and to consider this as a “goal”. But I think a specific healthy basis in its own life is necessary. And also for a healthy relationship such a specific healthy basis is necessary. I do not know anything about us. Everything would just be a speculation. I do not want to speculate because it does not conform to reality. I can just talk about myself and my life. How can I love someone if I do not love myself? How can I have a healthy relationship to someone if I do not have a healthy relationship to myself? Friendship remains. When I think about us a smile remains. I forgive you, I forgive myself. Beyond everything, that’s where the lovers meet. Beyond everything, there is the dancing. No matter where we go, no matter where we are, no matter what we do, we are one love one heart – in the light of the love.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 You need to make an appointment with the Dr you should not be feeling this way... please do that x
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 You don't break up with someone via text message. The medium makes it crass & mean. Email isn't any better. Meet the person face to face. It's the only way that has any class. As for the words. . . they are bunch of pretty blather that doesn't say anything & makes you look kind of nutty. Meet the person face to face. Say this isn't working for you & that you need time to find yourself. Wish the other person well & move on. All the rest of it is white noise to them. You would do well to do all the soul searching you reference but there is no need to go on & on about that in the break-up communication. 1
Recommended Posts