lovedonthurt Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 So im a gay male 26 i just started dating a guy 2 months ago things moved along rather quickly and we began seeing each other quite often as much as every other day with me spending the night. he is a vet and a built individual in frame.Earlier on he told me he was a jealous guy and he wants me to himself .i was flattered by his affection and buying me things like roses.So one day i began to notice his anger and quick temper.we went to daytona and he jumped out the car because i wouldnt go to the bar and let him and us drink (i was tired) so i just left.the next time we visited Orlando and i left to go there before him he got to the hotel 2 hours later and was livid that i was there to have dinner with a platonic friend ive known for years. he said he thought he'd catch me cheating .when he got to the hotel (i was asleep in bed) he had arrived with a dozen roses.he felt guilty.next occasion he would often grab my phone and go thru my msgs and fb chat and ask WHO IS THIS, WHO IS THAT?? one day i deleted a text thread that me and a friend had, he completely lost it jumped up and shouted FUUUCK i was kinda scared so i grabbed my things and headed toward the door , he then blocked the door. i was trapped ,i finally broke free and went hoe. i told him i deleted the text thread because he was being nosey and i was talking about his irrational behavior and how he got angry that i wasnt at his apartment when he got off work as if i dont have a life of my own. he is very clingy and expects me to have no friends or life BUT him and be under him 24-7 and goes thru my phone looking for evidence of me cheating. he is very insecure and questioned me about EVERYONE even his "straight roommate".this last situation happened SUNDAY i came over his apartment to spend the evening with him and he got into an argument with his roommate that i stayed out of. so when midnight came i was tired and thought the argument was petty SO he asked me i hope u dont feel some kind of way about me yelling at my roomate i was like why would i , i wasnt involved in it. I then told him i want to sleep on the couch....HE SUGGESTED That because he and his roomamte argued and i slept on the couch i messed with him or felt a certain way . i simply said his bed was too small and uncomfortable ..HE GOT MAD and said IF YOUR GONNA SLEEP ON THE COUCH U MIGHT AS WELL GO HOME , so i grabbed my keys and phone messenger:lmao: bag ...headed for the door he jumped up with his muscular frame and blocked me, i was scared but didnt back down , i said let me out of here your acting like a mad man.. he wouldnt let me out (meanwhile im calling the police and yeilling for help) his roommate didnt come out to help , nobody helped, he then pushed my chest hard and grabbed me with my neck and threw me across the wall and choked me i couldnt breathe .the look in his eyes scared me. i was in shock so much i couldnt even cry ... i raced out the apt to my car he grabbed my messenger bag that was wrapped around me and pulled me down the apartment stairs . took my bag with my work id and personal items ... i made a police report ...he is facing felony assault .... but the last few nights i have felt so lonely ....he came to my home 4x and left roses and aplogy text but i love him and im eternally afraid of him i have so many emotions right now smh.....
Zahara Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Love him? You can love him all you want but it doesn't change the fact that he is violent and abusive. Change your locks. Block him on your phone. If he keeps coming over, get a restraining order. Love isn't enough. This man isn't changing. Unless you want him to one day cause you severe physical harm along with emotional and mental pain, I would suggest you get this "love" fantasy out of your head and see this for what it is. I have a flashback of a news story some time ago when a man couldn't let his wife go so he set her on fire so that no one else would want her again. Why? Because he loved her. Abuse isn't love. Best you get through the pain of getting over him and that is temporary -- going back to him is you going back to indefinite mental, emotional and physical damage. 1
AnyaNova Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 This is good advice, mostly. The one thing I would advise against after reading Gavin De Becker's "The Gift of Fear" is a restraining order (Gavin De Becker specializes in threat assessment). Because so often it is the complete lack of ability to "save face" after receiving one that often drives up the assailant's "perceived justification" and drives down their "estimated consequences" Many. Many times women in abusive relationships die or are seriously injured by their abusers shortly after getting restraining orders. In 99 percent of cases, all they do is actually make things worse. I doubt it is any different for men in relationships. But I completely concur that the best thing for you is to get far away from this man, work on yourself and the reasons that led you to get into a relationship with someone who treated you so miserably, so that you can find a partner who will treat you with love and respect. Love him? You can love him all you want but it doesn't change the fact that he is violent and abusive. Change your locks. Block him on your phone. If he keeps coming over, get a restraining order. Love isn't enough. This man isn't changing. Unless you want him to one day cause you severe physical harm along with emotional and mental pain, I would suggest you get this "love" fantasy out of your head and see this for what it is. I have a flashback of a news story some time ago when a man couldn't let his wife go so he set her on fire so that no one else would want her again. Why? Because he loved her. Abuse isn't love. Best you get through the pain of getting over him and that is temporary -- going back to him is you going back to indefinite mental, emotional and physical damage. 1
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 You need to get away from this guy and quick! He is a charmer one minute and violent the next. This isn't going to change and will get worse. Have a read of the thread I have put a link to below. I have a post - number 11 in the thread with some books to read but also with a checklist of things to look out for in a violent partner. Your man is in there. Reading up will help you realise that he isn't going to change and also help you realise that what has been going on is a pattern that will only get worse. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/467936-question-women-who-ve-been-abusive-relationships 1
regine_phalange Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Im so sorry for your experience. Don't believe anything he says. He is an actor. Don't ever go near him again. You dont deserve this. Your psyche is possibly going to be strange for the upcoming months. I promise you, you are going to feel better. If you start having stressful flashbacks or nightmares, seek professional support. And don't hesitate to let your friends and family know what happened. It's going to be fine. x 3
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