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You'd Think After a Certain You Would Feel So Sad That They'd Just Come Back

JoanOfArc321

By JoanOfArc321
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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JoanOfArc321 New Member

JoanOfArc321

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Posted

I guess I have a pretty typical story. I dated my ex for about a year and had an abortion during that time period. (Please don't judge me, it was a personal choice) My ex has been pretty unsupportive saying he could care less and still hasn't paid me back for his half. He left me for another girl, when we were so happy together. I was shocked and still am. It's so hard to believe this time last year he was telling me how much he loved me and that we'd be together forever. I gave him all I had. Everything. I told him my deepest darkest secret. It took him a week of talking to another girl to decide to leave me and one month to move in with her.

I know I should be doing NC, but it's so hard. I miss him so much. He's not your average guy. He wants to be president and is number one in his class and super smart. He's so kind to everyone around him. People literally worship him. But when I was with him, he asked me to keep our relationship a secret (dumb, I know) and so now no one knows we were even together.

It's so hard every day. I know it's desperate, but I was telling him about how lonely I was recently and he asked me to get drunk with him. I told him I would. I would do almost anything he asked me to, to be honest.

It just hurts so much. I miss him.

David87 Established Member

David87

Posted
Posted
I guess I have a pretty typical story. I dated my ex for about a year and had an abortion during that time period. (Please don't judge me, it was a personal choice) My ex has been pretty unsupportive saying he could care less and still hasn't paid me back for his half. He left me for another girl, when we were so happy together. I was shocked and still am. It's so hard to believe this time last year he was telling me how much he loved me and that we'd be together forever. I gave him all I had. Everything. I told him my deepest darkest secret. It took him a week of talking to another girl to decide to leave me and one month to move in with her.

I know I should be doing NC, but it's so hard. I miss him so much. He's not your average guy. He wants to be president and is number one in his class and super smart. He's so kind to everyone around him. People literally worship him. But when I was with him, he asked me to keep our relationship a secret (dumb, I know) and so now no one knows we were even together.

It's so hard every day. I know it's desperate, but I was telling him about how lonely I was recently and he asked me to get drunk with him. I told him I would. I would do almost anything he asked me to, to be honest.

It just hurts so much. I miss him.

 

First of all Im sorry for your pain, I know how it feels.

 

He Is kind to everyone around him.......except you, why do you want him in your life ????

 

And second he asked you to keep the relationship secret which means he wasn't too proud to have you as a girlfriend, he only used you and when he found another girl he left........

 

You deserve better, dont even think about contacting him because he DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU .....

  • Like 1
Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

Posted
Posted

Wow, ok so lets break this down.

 

 

1) This this guy demanded you keep your year long relationship a secret.

 

[He was ashamed of your relationship and didn't allow you to go public, why, exactly? That, to me, would be more than enough but jesus, it actually gets worse.]

 

2) Refuses to pay you back for his share of the abortion costs.

 

3) Basically cheated on you and after supposedly a week or so of that decided to leave you outright from some stranger.

 

Look at what you've written and ask yourself honestly WHY any of this is okay or why someone who has done that is worthy of one more second of serious thought? Psh...and you consider this guy "kind"!? Honey, this man isn't worth the soot sitting in my ashtray right now, let alone all the time you've spent pining over him.

 

Go NC and stay that way.

  • Like 3
Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted

He doesn't sound kind at all. He sounds like a real piece of work.

SpiritualAlchemy Member

SpiritualAlchemy

Posted
Posted

Really sad, doll, I feel angry on your behalf! Don't EVER let some douche treat you like this. You deserve better! Any guy that wants to hide you and not even chip in for the abortion is a tosser and doesn't deserve to be in your life.

 

Let go of him immediately and go to hard NC. Get some self-esteem; work on yourself so no one can ever treat you so poorly ever again! You're enabling him, you might as well be walking around with a big sign on your forehead saying "Treat me like crap please!" Get your dignity back; I recommend you take a look at the self-esteem workbook while you're sorting yourself out. All the best, Hun!

  • Like 1
SpiritualAlchemy Member

SpiritualAlchemy

Posted
Posted

... And please use birth control next time, and every time after that until you are able to deal with the grown-up repercussions of having sex. Not judging, it's so you don't have to go through this again.

lovebug_5858 Established Member

lovebug_5858

Posted
Posted

Believe me,

We know that it hurts and just about everyone here has had their share of that exact same hurt that you're talking about...

Don't contact him, do it for yourself.

 

If you feel like you're about to, ask yourself:

What will happen if I press send, or call, etc.?

 

You will just hurt yourself further and put yourself back in square 1. The pain of letting go gets easier but when you do this, you bring it ALL back.

He has your number, he knows where to find you. I know that you are hoping for a reconciliation but a successful one takes TWO people, if he wants to he will contact you.

 

For now, try your best to leave him behind and understand that this is no longer in your power. What you do have power over, though, is your healing and contacting him will only slow you down.

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted (edited)

Reality check.. he used you for sex, knocked you up in the process, dumped you, and left you with the financial burden of the abortion. He's a real winner..

 

I understand what you are going through, however, I wish for you to wake up and stop it already with the pity party over this FWB experience. The guy is a douche. He's not worth crying over. So do me a favor, and everytime you feel depressed, remind yourself of how much of a failure he is.

 

I don't care what women say, an abortion always is a heartbreaking experience, even if you believe in it. I wish for you to open your eyes on who this guy is. I feel like you got a double serving of heartache; one would have sufficed.

 

I would really stress seeing a therapist, even if it's just a few counseling cessions (I'd go for a psychologist personally). What happened to you will probably resonate for a long time if you don't address it now.

Edited by Elle1975
  • Like 5
Smarty Pants Established Member

Smarty Pants

Posted
Posted

If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't vote for him to be our president.

  • Like 6
Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
He wants to be president

 

Stopped reading here. I told a girl I wanted to be president once just to see how she'd react. Honestly, someone saying they want to be president is akin to someone saying they want to be LeBron James or have sex with a supermodel or an actor.

 

He treated you like crap and wanted you to hide your relationship. The fact that he said the equivalent of "I want to have a million billion dollars" and you are using that to pump him up is a first-sign indicator that you need to back away and get your mind right.

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