soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 First off, I'm very pleased to note that the lady this post is about is NOT the same lady my other posts were. Got over that one, don't feel a thing. Back in November, I started talking to this girl online. She had put up a personals ad, and I swear I thought she was thinking of me when she wrote it. I sent her an email, she sent one back, yadda yadda. The only concern I had was the age difference, her being 6 years my senior. Didn't bother me, and she admitted it was a bit of a bother to her. At first we just hung out when we could, which wasn't often due to us both being busy, but I was really into her and I sensed she was really into me. There was a point where she called things off because she was frustrated with our lack of time together, but after we talked about it we reconciled and tried to see each other more, which was great. She had always been wary of calling me her boyfriend, but around the beginning of the year, she just began to open up more. She became incredibly affectionate and happily asked me to be her boyfriend. Things went great! We went on a small vacation together, she casually mentioned us moving in or possibly getting engaged in the distant future, things were awesome! About a month ago, I stopped by her place and made a comment that made her upset. I tried to apologize but she asked me to leave. (It was a comment that I felt as if she didn't own her house just because she had a mortgage on it. I was wrong. My bad. ) I did, and didn't talk to her the next day to give her a period of time to cool off so I could apologize and fix things. When I tried to talk to her, she said a lot of things that didn't make sense. I told my friends it was like trying to talk to a Jedi or Taoist monk. All I wanted to know was if she wanted to be with me or not, because I sure as hell wanted to be with her. The next day I called her and....demanded to know if she wanted to continue things. I was frustrated. She said no. Alright spiritseekerpsp, time to go textbook no-contact. I explained we'd exchange our stuff and be on our way. If only it was that easy. She wanted to remain friends, and I was still sure I could fix this. She was head over heels for me before this, so all I have to do is try to patch this up. She occasionally stopped by when I was gaming, and made small talk. However she was almost impossible to talk to regularly, and she ignored any requests I had of actually hanging out. It's been a month. About a week ago we were talking and she found out I was playing some games at a local place, so she let me know she'd stop by. She did and played with me and some friends for a bit, and she seemed genuinely happy to be around me. When she left, I walked her to her car and told her I wanted to be with her. She told me "Why can't we just be friends?" I told her I can't be her friend because of how I feel. I asked her what I did that was so horrible that it irreparably damaged our relationship. She said "When we broke up and you tried to get out of my life, you made me feel like I never really mattered to you." Crap. Well we talked for a bit more, she gave me a BIG hug, looked me dead in the eye for a few seconds, and then drove off. I sent her flowers that weekend, and haven't said anything to her since. I want her back, I really do. She's so much fun to be around, but I don't know how she could go from "I can't wait till we move in together!" to "Lets just be friends." There were a couple texts that really made me think she wanted to fix this. P.S. She also has a 2 year old daughter that I really got close with. My parents always joked "Ready-made family", but I don't just miss my ex, I miss her daughter too. I never saw myself with a single mother, but my ex changed that. I miss them both. :/
thekid36 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 (edited) First off, I'm very pleased to note that the lady this post is about is NOT the same lady my other posts were. Got over that one, don't feel a thing. Back in November, I started talking to this girl online. She had put up a personals ad, and I swear I thought she was thinking of me when she wrote it. I sent her an email, she sent one back, yadda yadda. The only concern I had was the age difference, her being 6 years my senior. Didn't bother me, and she admitted it was a bit of a bother to her. At first we just hung out when we could, which wasn't often due to us both being busy, but I was really into her and I sensed she was really into me. There was a point where she called things off because she was frustrated with our lack of time together, but after we talked about it we reconciled and tried to see each other more, which was great. She had always been wary of calling me her boyfriend, but around the beginning of the year, she just began to open up more. She became incredibly affectionate and happily asked me to be her boyfriend. Things went great! We went on a small vacation together, she casually mentioned us moving in or possibly getting engaged in the distant future, things were awesome! About a month ago, I stopped by her place and made a comment that made her upset. I tried to apologize but she asked me to leave. (It was a comment that I felt as if she didn't own her house just because she had a mortgage on it. I was wrong. My bad. ) I did, and didn't talk to her the next day to give her a period of time to cool off so I could apologize and fix things. When I tried to talk to her, she said a lot of things that didn't make sense. I told my friends it was like trying to talk to a Jedi or Taoist monk. All I wanted to know was if she wanted to be with me or not, because I sure as hell wanted to be with her. The next day I called her and....demanded to know if she wanted to continue things. I was frustrated. She said no. Alright spiritseekerpsp, time to go textbook no-contact. I explained we'd exchange our stuff and be on our way. If only it was that easy. She wanted to remain friends, and I was still sure I could fix this. She was head over heels for me before this, so all I have to do is try to patch this up. She occasionally stopped by when I was gaming, and made small talk. However she was almost impossible to talk to regularly, and she ignored any requests I had of actually hanging out. It's been a month. About a week ago we were talking and she found out I was playing some games at a local place, so she let me know she'd stop by. She did and played with me and some friends for a bit, and she seemed genuinely happy to be around me. When she left, I walked her to her car and told her I wanted to be with her. She told me "Why can't we just be friends?" I told her I can't be her friend because of how I feel. I asked her what I did that was so horrible that it irreparably damaged our relationship. She said "When we broke up and you tried to get out of my life, you made me feel like I never really mattered to you." Crap. Well we talked for a bit more, she gave me a BIG hug, looked me dead in the eye for a few seconds, and then drove off. I sent her flowers that weekend, and haven't said anything to her since. I want her back, I really do. She's so much fun to be around, but I don't know how she could go from "I can't wait till we move in together!" to "Lets just be friends." There were a couple texts that really made me think she wanted to fix this. P.S. She also has a 2 year old daughter that I really got close with. My parents always joked "Ready-made family", but I don't just miss my ex, I miss her daughter too. I never saw myself with a single mother, but my ex changed that. I miss them both. :/ I am going to preface this by apologizing for rambling in advance. Not sure how much I can specifically offer. But, I will try to give you my two cents. Sounds as if all was fine at first. Then, something specific and serious seems to have made her switch. Probably related to the comment about the mortgage. Based on all you offer, this seems to be where things began to turn. Not sure if you demanding of her where your relationship is was honestly the best idea. Women usually tend to respond better to being treated as an important equal. But still, she seems to still have held feelings for you. Perhaps, she was looking for you to show more initiative so as to pursue her in a more proactive manner. When you were trying not to contact her, I mean. The flowers were a nice gift in general theory. Still, maybe a more personal gesture might have been the best route to go. It does not seem as if communicating your current feelings would be the worst idea at this point. Not sure what you would have to lose. I would suggest letting her know you have made mistakes with how you have handled things. But, that she means the world to you and hope a second chance awaits the two of you. I know it sucks when things do not go your way. I feel badly that you are in this situation. Edited June 26, 2014 by thekid36
Author soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 I was doing NC for a bit. I kept her note she gave me for valentines day in my wallet..."Love is Patient" it says. I was patient with her when we first started talking...and I kept saying to myself, "Just be patient. She loves you. She'll come back around." This morning I was clicking through Facebook, out of boredom...and a familiar face caught my eye, of some guy I didn't know. She doesn't have a facebook, I never friended any of her friends or anything like that, but thanks to the wonders of people knowing other people, I stumbled upon the guy she's with now. Why? Because there's a picture of the three of them. I never put a picture of us up. I should have. But I never use the damn website. They got together the day she got the flowers I sent her. I'm angry, I'm hurt, it sucks. If love is so patient, then how come almost 2 months later I'm still miserable and she's already with someone else? She wasn't with anyone for 7 months before we were together...maybe he's a rebound. Not that it matters. I snapped and sent her a snapchat "wishing her well with her new man". Sarcastically, and petty, yep. I felt physically sick, so I sent her a long email titled "Catharsis", basically dumping all my emotions, questions and thoughts into it, and shooting it off. After that I made sure I had erased her from EVERYTHING. ( I had mostly cut off contact before, but I didn't bother to remove her access to my steam account, etc) This girl said she loved me, she wanted us to get married, she wanted us to move in together, etc. She would tell her daughter "Mommy and Spiritseekerpsp are going to get married!" The best part is, she had the gall to say that my actions after the breakup "Made her feel unwanted." I'm the one who tried to fix things, I'm the one who isn't off running to some new guy. I expected this from my 21 year old ex...not from my 28 year old ex. I'm now officially in NC. Full blown. I've removed all objects that are from her, tore up the "Love is Patient" note, deleted the family photos that she was in, and I'm going to shave off my beard. I only grew the damn thing because she liked it. I just don't understand how she can move on so quickly if I supposedly meant so much to her.
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