polger Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Me and my ex broke up 1 year ago, we dated for 2 years and were best friends for 1.5 years prior to going out. I was putting all the work into the relationship, but was growing tired of it. Then all of a sudden she stops talking to me and we go a week without contact. She was hanging out with a new guy, and lied to me about. We break up and 6 weeks later she is in a relationship. Anyway, I went no contact from the go, I haven't heard from her or seen her except for one time she messaged me to make sure I knew she was in a relationship after 2 months NC. I continue NC, got a better job and moved to an area more suited to my liking. I dated a great girl for a few months, but timing wasn't right for either of us. Throughout this time I focused my energy on self Improvement. Lost 45 pounds and am now only 15 pounds off my college weight. So it's coming up to the anniversary of our break up, (not sure of the exact date). She contacts me out of the blue, wants to start talking again. She is a very needy person, has anxiety issues and suffers from depression. I responded to her message and told her I wasn't ready to start talking again. 2 months ago I would have jumped at this opportunity. When I got the message my heart skipped a beat, then I felt nothing at all. I was very much her crutch before and part of me is worried that she wants validation from me again. I've come to terms that I will always love her unconditionally, but there was very few happy times with her. My friends and family wanted me to tell her to pretty much "f**k off", for some reason I didn't want to close off that channel to her that I have. Is keeping her at bay the right thing to do? I feel that if I feel the urge to talk to her then maybe I can get talking to her again. I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again. I'm not confused, just very indifferent to it. I always told her I don't talk to my ex's.
McGrupp Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Bravo man. I think you took the breakup in stride and did a great job. You have experiences and events with her that your friends and family will never know or be aware of. how you chose to handle it is up to you, but i think you can figure it out. this thread should be pinned on how to get over and move on from an ex.
Smarty Pants Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Me and my ex broke up 1 year ago, we dated for 2 years and were best friends for 1.5 years prior to going out. I was putting all the work into the relationship, but was growing tired of it. Then all of a sudden she stops talking to me and we go a week without contact. She was hanging out with a new guy, and lied to me about. We break up and 6 weeks later she is in a relationship. Anyway, I went no contact from the go, I haven't heard from her or seen her except for one time she messaged me to make sure I knew she was in a relationship after 2 months NC. I continue NC, got a better job and moved to an area more suited to my liking. I dated a great girl for a few months, but timing wasn't right for either of us. Throughout this time I focused my energy on self Improvement. Lost 45 pounds and am now only 15 pounds off my college weight. So it's coming up to the anniversary of our break up, (not sure of the exact date). She contacts me out of the blue, wants to start talking again. She is a very needy person, has anxiety issues and suffers from depression. I responded to her message and told her I wasn't ready to start talking again. 2 months ago I would have jumped at this opportunity. When I got the message my heart skipped a beat, then I felt nothing at all. I was very much her crutch before and part of me is worried that she wants validation from me again. I've come to terms that I will always love her unconditionally, but there was very few happy times with her. My friends and family wanted me to tell her to pretty much "f**k off", for some reason I didn't want to close off that channel to her that I have. Is keeping her at bay the right thing to do? I feel that if I feel the urge to talk to her then maybe I can get talking to her again. I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again. I'm not confused, just very indifferent to it. I always told her I don't talk to my ex's. You'll have to figure this one out on your own. There will be people on here that will tell you the same things as your friends and family. You can now approach this situation without as much emotion as you would have 10 months ago and maybe even two months ago. If you aren't ready, then she should respect that. If in time you want to continue, make that clear and see where it goes. Just know she did this to you once, and it could happen again. Good luck and keep us posted.
David87 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 As you said, you are not ready to be friends with her just yet. I think you did great not burning the bridge completely.
JoeFallkon Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 you did good. she will try again and again.. keep it like that and keep getting your ego boost..lol karma is a b10tch
David87 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 you did good. she will try again and again.. keep it like that and keep getting your ego boost..lol karma is a b10tch Imo if an ex contacts you it means their life didnt turn up to be better after the BU, and they start to regret loosing you as a lover or as a friend or simply as a person. If they never contact you ever again it means their life is great and probably forgot all about you. As JoeFallkon said its a great ego boost .
Author polger Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Thanks for the feedback. I've handled break ups poorly in the past, but I'm really proud of how I handled it and moved on. After more reflection, I'm not surprised that she contacted me. I've only really felt like myself recently, the guy I was before I started dating her, I'm not giving that up for anything.
Elle1975 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Me and my ex broke up 1 year ago, we dated for 2 years and were best friends for 1.5 years prior to going out. I was putting all the work into the relationship, but was growing tired of it. Then all of a sudden she stops talking to me and we go a week without contact. She was hanging out with a new guy, and lied to me about. We break up and 6 weeks later she is in a relationship. Anyway, I went no contact from the go, I haven't heard from her or seen her except for one time she messaged me to make sure I knew she was in a relationship after 2 months NC. I continue NC, got a better job and moved to an area more suited to my liking. I dated a great girl for a few months, but timing wasn't right for either of us. Throughout this time I focused my energy on self Improvement. Lost 45 pounds and am now only 15 pounds off my college weight. So it's coming up to the anniversary of our break up, (not sure of the exact date). She contacts me out of the blue, wants to start talking again. She is a very needy person, has anxiety issues and suffers from depression. I responded to her message and told her I wasn't ready to start talking again. 2 months ago I would have jumped at this opportunity. When I got the message my heart skipped a beat, then I felt nothing at all. I was very much her crutch before and part of me is worried that she wants validation from me again. I've come to terms that I will always love her unconditionally, but there was very few happy times with her. My friends and family wanted me to tell her to pretty much "f**k off", for some reason I didn't want to close off that channel to her that I have. Is keeping her at bay the right thing to do? I feel that if I feel the urge to talk to her then maybe I can get talking to her again. I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again. I'm not confused, just very indifferent to it. I always told her I don't talk to my ex's. Stay NC. Her anxiety and neediness are nothing compared to the fact that she cheated on you.
Author polger Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Latest Update to this story. She contacts me after I kindly refuse her friendship, telling me that she is sorry and was going through a rough time. She went on to say that she felt it didn't hurt to ask, that she needed somebody to talk to and that she trusts me a lot. She also said she didn't blame me if I didn't want to be friends. I didn't respond and then after 2 weeks she sent me a short message simply saying "i'm sorry :(". So I decided to let her know, what I thought of her previous message. I told her "I hope that you are feeling better now. But to be honest it isn't fair that you contacted me because you are going through a hard time. I figured that's why you contacted me. The fact that you are only contacting me when life is not going well, shows me how much you undervalue me. I'll let you know when/if I want to be friends. Take care." I have no idea why I feel bad for her, had she not cheated and jumped into a relationship I would have been more willing to help her somehow, but I don't know. I'm really not in a good stage of my life to worry about romantic relationships, past and present. I'm still building a career and meeting new people in this city I live in. 1
strong-hearted Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 that was good, if one day my ex happens to come back I think I know what I might say to him, he really hurt me he betrayed my trust and did some serious damage, so for now I'm focusing on myself and getting back up on my feet, got a better job and just doing me. it's been two months since he broke up with me and jumped into a relationship two weeks later, he hasn't contacted me so I'm assuming things are going great between them
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