OnwardandUpward Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 5 months since he declared us over - i begged pleaded and went insane - ive gone no contact but only last 2 or 3 days - 4 days ago i quit smoking determined that as i quit it will be the count also for no contact. Yesterday there was contact and stupid me replied with begging and pleading and arguements for my case - how stupid - after 2 hours of back and forth i could not breath yet again and all i had done was put myself in tears. I can't do this anymore. I wish i had a job - i wish i had family or i wish i even had a friend near me but i have none of the 3 and i fill my days with art. I can't do contact anymore - there is no point and seriously it kills me - i wish i had of gone no contact from day 1 and never fed his stinking ego.
Author OnwardandUpward Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 In my case he is feeding breadcrumbs of guilt because he ended a marraige with a woman who raised his his and broke her back whilst setting in the family business. He feels guilt for leaving me out in the world like this - guilt does not equal love. He can go rot in his stinking guilt. For 5 months i have sat and took all the blame for being a rotten person and getting sick and how rotten i am i dont even deserve life but none of that is true - i am a good person with a huge heart. I deserve better then what he gave me and what i deserve has to come from me - i deserve peace and love - he can simply go rot. Oops think i am finally hitting an anger stage.
Author OnwardandUpward Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Putting this video here so i have it to view again
Author OnwardandUpward Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Went to the doctor and said it hurts when i do this and the doctor said 'well dont do it' ohhh lol and thats no contact
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