spiderowl Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I was reading another thread about an attractive woman who never seemed to have a long-term boyfriend and I could think of at least one woman I know who is attractive, talented, nice personality, but never seems to be with anyone. She may have lovers privately, of course, but she always seems to be alone. I can see no obvious reason why, except that maybe she just hasn't found anyone she's attracted to. Do you know someone appealing who never seems to be attached?
HappyLove Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Yes, there are MANY women like this. Dating is hard for attractive women as well as not so attractive ones.
todreaminblue Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I know quite a few and the only thing that i can see a commonality in them is people dont see what i see......that everyone is looking for certain traits and they often dont look closest to them to find that in a person....i have seen them all around me....people overlook the familiar person for the unknown person they havent met yet..........and these people that are unattached.....some of them they dont care that they are overlooked......they are quite happy to be who they are.....and wait for someone who gets them........even when they have offers......being attached isnt everything but being recognized for who you are is everything sort of attitude.....and having lovers well....sex isnt everything either.....it is fun though with the right one......i guess some people would feel like that ........deb 2
Dallers Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Correct me if I am wrong here fellow advice givers but maybe I am missing the point! OP....What are you waiting for?!!!!!
Author spiderowl Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Correct me if I am wrong here fellow advice givers but maybe I am missing the point! OP....What are you waiting for?!!!!! I don't understand? Are you thinking I might be interested in her? I'm female and not interested in other women that way. 3
Author spiderowl Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Why don't you find out why she's single? I suppose I could but don't know her that well, or I would already know. I wondered what conclusions people came to as to why some were alone, despite appearing to have it all in the way of attractiveness. 1
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Me. I am pretty and sexy, smart, stable, career, no small kids, funny, sexual, got my life on track and my **** together, name it, and I get all the time 'why is a woman like you alone'. I get online and get tons of dates, it just never amount to anything. All men see is a pair of big boobs on a petite woman. They're never interested in what's behind. I am always alone anywhere I go, Xmas parties, vacations, family dinners, again everywhere I go I am told 'I don't understand a woman like you has no man in her life'. My best friend is a little chubby, a little more average looking and she has no problem keeping a man. 6
todreaminblue Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I don't understand? Are you thinking I might be interested in her? I'm female and not interested in other women that way. lol its because you have spider in your name....lol..and add owl intelilligence ...therefore male.......had to laugh sorry thats what i reckon...me as a female who used to catch trapdoors and hunts mans...i knew you were female...i also love owls......:bunny:..plus i read your posts.......deb 1
littleplanet Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I know quite a few and the only thing that i can see a commonality in them is people dont see what i see......that everyone is looking for certain traits and they often dont look closest to them to find that in a person....i have seen them all around me....people overlook the familiar person for the unknown person they havent met yet..........and these people that are unattached.....some of them they dont care that they are overlooked......they are quite happy to be who they are.....and wait for someone who gets them........even when they have offers......being attached isnt everything but being recognized for who you are is everything sort of attitude.....and having lovers well....sex isnt everything either.....it is fun though with the right one......i guess some people would feel like that ........deb (that bit that's bolded) maybe has a lot to do with it. A few very attractive people I've known (both genders) who are, or have been - chronically alone........ have often struck me with this thought: That a very particular and precise fit is what is necessary for them. And it isn't that they're 'picky' (in the conventional sense.) It's that they know themselves well enough that the right intimate mix is necessary....and perhaps just not that easy to find. Also.....on social terms......the coupling up that many people require, is not that necessary. Funny thing.....this just made me remember something I used to love to do when in my early 20's. Even when in a relationship.....occasionally I'd slip out in an early evening and go movie-hopping. Two or three shows in a row. I always loved it when it was a rainy night, and I'd wear a trenchcoat. Something about being alone enhanced the experience. It wasn't something I preferred exclusively this way - just something I liked once in awhile. It takes a lot of work to "fit" yourself to somebody - if the fit just isn't that good. (sort of like the snazzy shoes that get kicked off in the middle of the dance floor because, although they look hot..........just weren't made for dancin'!) 1
Author spiderowl Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 lol its because you have spider in your name....lol..and add owl intelilligence ...therefore male.......had to laugh sorry thats what i reckon...me as a female who used to catch trapdoors and hunts mans...i knew you were female...i also love owls......:bunny:..plus i read your posts.......deb Lol, hadn't thought of my name like that at all. It's always interesting to get another perspective on things
Author spiderowl Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Me. I am pretty and sexy, smart, stable, career, no small kids, funny, sexual, got my life on track and my **** together, name it, and I get all the time 'why is a woman like you alone'. I get online and get tons of dates, it just never amount to anything. All men see is a pair of big boobs on a petite woman. They're never interested in what's behind. I am always alone anywhere I go, Xmas parties, vacations, family dinners, again everywhere I go I am told 'I don't understand a woman like you has no man in her life'. My best friend is a little chubby, a little more average looking and she has no problem keeping a man. You obviously have no problem getting dates. Do you go on them too or give up beforehand? I don't know, it's puzzling sometimes, but maybe some people do need a more exact fit for a partner than others do.
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 You obviously have no problem getting dates. Do you go on them too or give up beforehand? I don't know, it's puzzling sometimes, but maybe some people do need a more exact fit for a partner than others do. I went to over 100 dates in the past 2 years. I am 48 and only get hit on by men between 33 and 41. They see a sexy older woman they can get some fun out of, nothing else. Men my age are intimidated so they don't message me or hit on me. Last time I was hit on I was waiting by the elevator at my work, some early 20s delivery guy walked by and winked at me. It's getting frustrated to never be taken seriously. Maybe the life of a good looking woman at 25 is different then the life of a good looking woman at 48, who knows. 1
FitChick Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I've been asked by men I've dated why I wasn't "snapped up." My answer is, "You'll have to ask them." I am used to being alone so I don't need to latch onto just any man like some women do. When you don't feel attracted or connected emotionally, dating becomes another chore on your list. I suspect some men don't feel good enough so don't bother: "She'll just reject me." 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Do you know someone appealing who never seems to be attached? Not me. I'm about as appealing as 5 day old egg salad. Consequently, I'm not attached. 1
Keenly Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Yeah I know some one... me ! Haha. Being shy has its consequences.
SJC2008 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Most perma single people have at least one underlying issue. I personally have at least four that I'm aware of. In no particular order they are: Afraid to get hurt, crappy people picker, insecure, shy. 4
salparadise Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Afraid to get hurt, crappy people picker, insecure, shy. Yes, afraid to get hurt is the answer I believe. They protect that soft inner core using all kinds of strategies. But the soft inner core is the part people fall in love with. 1
Els Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Well, there are plenty of reasons that I can think of - maybe she just doesn't want a relationship? Some people just feel that LTRs aren't for them. Or maybe she hasn't met anyone who's genuinely compatible with her for the long-term. Contrary to popular belief I don't think very good-looking women have any advantage in that sense - they do get more male attention and probably get asked out more often, but they also need to do a lot of filtering to separate out the guys who aren't just looking for sex with a hot woman. 1
Absinthe Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Interesting mention of "specific fit" here. I am going through a drought right now and whilst I am otherwise content with it, it is odd...in my late teens / early twenties I always had an "object of desire" so to speak. Now, I've hardly met anyone I've clicked with. Hmmm. I take a lot of comfort in that there are a LOT, and I mean A LOT, of women in my situation.
ThaWholigan Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I know the exact reasons I am alone, and I am at the very least working on those things and forgetting about dating. One of them includes my lack of a truly independent life.
Author spiderowl Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 I went to over 100 dates in the past 2 years. I am 48 and only get hit on by men between 33 and 41. They see a sexy older woman they can get some fun out of, nothing else. Men my age are intimidated so they don't message me or hit on me. Last time I was hit on I was waiting by the elevator at my work, some early 20s delivery guy walked by and winked at me. It's getting frustrated to never be taken seriously. Maybe the life of a good looking woman at 25 is different then the life of a good looking woman at 48, who knows. OK, I understand. I'm finding similar, though I haven't got the looks. Still doesn't seem to make much difference to young guys looking for 'fun'.
Author spiderowl Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 Yes, afraid to get hurt is the answer I believe. They protect that soft inner core using all kinds of strategies. But the soft inner core is the part people fall in love with. Interesting comment. What kind of strategies?
Author spiderowl Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 I know the exact reasons I am alone, and I am at the very least working on those things and forgetting about dating. One of them includes my lack of a truly independent life. Are you saying that you think that has put people off, or that is one reason you might avoid getting involved?
Author spiderowl Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 I've been asked by men I've dated why I wasn't "snapped up." My answer is, "You'll have to ask them." I am used to being alone so I don't need to latch onto just any man like some women do. When you don't feel attracted or connected emotionally, dating becomes another chore on your list. I suspect some men don't feel good enough so don't bother: "She'll just reject me." I suppose it's easier to ask someone out online because although rejection hurts, at least you weren't face to face with them. Are guys getting more timid about asking women on dates in person these days?
Recommended Posts