FitChick Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 If it bothers you, don't go to the shower and don't buy a gift. Your excuse is that you never got an invitation.
PegNosePete Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 You are being a drama queen for all the reasons that have been already enumerated. Yep, agree. You're blaming the bride for not monitoring her maid of honour closely enough, checking all her work and basically doing it all herself? Do you know how much work it is to plan a wedding? If she could not delegate tasks to the wedding party and other organizers without having to check up on everything they do, then she would have a total nightmare. Last I heard, people are meant to enjoy their wedding day, not be snowed under by work. So if you want to be pissed, be pissed at the maid of honour, not the bride. She is the one who "didn't do the research". But how much research should she be expected to do? I'm sure she has plenty of other things to do instead of chasing down names and addresses of every single guest's other half.
iris219 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 If it's not a wedding you'd be invited to without your bf, I don't think it's a big deal. I was with my ex for years and there was never a time he or I got a wedding invite with both of our names on it. I never even thought about this until now.
PogoStick Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 As if the bride doesn't have a thousand other things to be worried about. I can only imagine the drama the boyfriend has dealt with for 2.5 years. First world problems.
jphcbpa Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 life is too short. dont take it personal and dont assume (4 agreements - Ruiz)
Els Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I wouldn't care personally. I honestly don't see the slight - it's THEIR wedding and weddings are often a huge pain in the arse to plan. It's understandable that people might overlook a few things IMO. So if you know you were invited I'd let it go if I were you. On the other hand if you knew you were explicitly NOT invited (as in, they said he couldn't bring you) while your bf is the best man, then you have a right to be pissed.
Diezel Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 For all they know, you two could break up by the day of the wedding. Or maybe it's a conspiracy created by your boyfriend to end the relationship before then!? GASP. Seriously, this is a thread in the Dating forum?
sweetjasmine Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 The first year I was married my sister-in-law got married. My husband received the wedding invitation and inside it said his name and guest. These things happen. The event is suppose to revolve around the bride and her groom, don't make it about you and something so trivial. OP clarified that it didn't even say "and guest": FYI I wouldn't make a scene but I'm certainly allowed to thing it's straight up rude. And if you did this too, I bet a lot of people felt the same way I did. I'm not just a "guest", I'm a friend of theirs. Not mentioning it didn't even say plus guest. People take their cues as to who is invited based on what's on the actual formal invitation, and when I did mine for my wedding, I was extra careful and made sure I didn't miss anything. It's not hard. Just make a freaking spreadsheet. "Oh yeah, by the way, I guess you're invited" is pretty tacky, IMO. I think OP has the right to be a little upset, since she's known these people for a long time and since her boyfriend is the best man. There's no point in bringing it up or talking about it, but it is crappy to be overlooked like that.
serial muse Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I think the oversights were definitely tacky - when we got married, we worked hard to get up-to-date addresses for everyone! - but they don't sound at all personal. So, OP, I'm glad you're going to drop it. That's the best gift you can give a stressed-out bride.
Versacehottie Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 oh gosh, here it goes. Engaged couple are being jerks to not invite you, either as your bf's presumed "plus one" or with your own invite. That said, a lot of people's true colors come out with wedding guests lists and you are able to see where you rank in terms of friendships, priorities and what they think they can get away with. Had they given your bf an invite with his name plus guest, I would say you are way overreacting--because he is the connection to them and it's fine to invite like that. That he is not invited with a guest (especially as member of wedding party), is in poor taste on their part--not to mention the two years that you have spent doing stuff as couples. HOWEVER, and it's a big one, you really cannot bring it up to the wedding couple, bride or maid of honor. That would be poor taste on your part. Only your bf can really do that and it's up to him to do that and it's a very touchy subject at that. Unless they are total amateurs, it was a slight that was deliberate. My advice is not to go to the shower. Decline with vague reason. Whole point is that it is in VERY poor taste to have you do anything shower related if you are not also invited to the wedding, which at this point you are most definitely not. It's going to be hard but my recommendation is to RISE ABOVE. Tacky, tacky but careful not to stoop to their level because of your anger or caring about being left out. I think if you just believed they were soooo airheady, bubble-brained and scattered that it was just a mistake, you wouldn't have created this post. I feel for you--some people are totally lame when it comes to weddings. Sometimes it's the bride and groom and sometimes it's the guests/friends of bride and groom. Don't be one of those.
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 No, we don't hang out independently. I KNOW I'm invited, as I've talked about plans and whatnot with it, which is why I took it Even more personally. I'm not holding the bride responsible, I guess maybe I would just be a little more careful With stuff like that. I appreciate your insight. As long as you know for a fact that you are invited then it's really nothing to be upset about. It wasn't intended to be rude. You do know that it's unlikely you'll be seated with your man though, yes? The gf or wife of the best man isn't usually on the top table. Same for the bridesmaid/maid of honour's partner too. You'll both be on another table with other guests.
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 life is too short. dont take it personal and dont assume (4 agreements - Ruiz) Great book!
TigerLilly78 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 OP im not trying to be rude here but if the wedding is in the fall a few month's away yet have you ever considered since you two are only BF/GF that maybe the thinking is you might not even be together at the time of the wedding? its not like you two are married im not saying your going to break up or anything but yeah that's just one way of looking at it..I think they should have sent you your own invite especially since it sounds like a small group of friends but I wouldn't over stress on it its prob just like others said a accidental over look among wedding stress..
preraph Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Forget about this. Planning a wedding is a horrible mess and like anything else, if you don't do it all yourself, something gets messed up, but you can't possibly do it all yourself, so she didn't, and something got messed up, but she apparently said you were invited, so as long as he's sure of that, go and forget about it. She has much bigger fish to fry than if a minor mistake was made on an invitation.
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 If you expect people to come and buy you gifts, esp for a bridal shower, then yeah you can write a damn invitation to ME. Seriously.. if she's known you any time at all, and this attitude comes across in your offline life as well as online, is it possible she's done this on purpose, knowing you'd take offence and therefore remove yourself from the wedding? She probably doesn't want any drama surrounding her big day. And as for being pissed that you're off to the shower and buying a gift but your name wasn't on the invite, grow up. I buy gifts because I want the receiver to feel special, not because it's in exchange for something I want (an invite to the wedding). If I was getting married or my best friend was, and either of us couldn't buy a gift for whatever reason (too poor etc.) then it wouldn't be an issue, all I could ask for and expect of someone I care about is their presence during a special time of my life.
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