lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Hi everyone. I don't know where to post this, but I thought the dating forum would suffice . So my boyfriend of 2 and A half years is the best man in his friends wedding, this fall. Obviously we both hangout with them quite a bit (though I wouldn't if it wasn't for my boyfriend of course), we get along well , etc. Anyways, I was at his house last night and noticed the invitation sitting on the table, unaware they had even sent them out yet. I looked on the envelope and it just said his name, not mine as well. This irked me so I asked my boyfriend about it. He said when the bride gave it to him in person she said "oh, not sure why (my name)'s name isn't on it, my maid of honour made them." Okay, great. I've never met her, but seeing as my bf IS THE BEST MAN, a little more effort would be put in to see if he had a serious girlfriend . Not like our relationship is new and I'm barely known in the group. I know the bride likes me so it's a little insulting she just let her maid of honour overlook that. Moreover, for the bridal shower, my bfs mom and sister were for some reason invited, as was I. But once again I didn't receive my own invitation, and it was mailed to my boyfriend's mom/sister and NOT me (so I haven't even seen the thing yet.... ) What do you think of this? Bad etiquette or...?
Elle1975 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Hi everyone. I don't know where to post this, but I thought the dating forum would suffice . So my boyfriend of 2 and A half years is the best man in his friends wedding, this fall. Obviously we both hangout with them quite a bit (though I wouldn't if it wasn't for my boyfriend of course), we get along well , etc. Anyways, I was at his house last night and noticed the invitation sitting on the table, unaware they had even sent them out yet. I looked on the envelope and it just said his name, not mine as well. This irked me so I asked my boyfriend about it. He said when the bride gave it to him in person she said "oh, not sure why (my name)'s name isn't on it, my maid of honour made them." Okay, great. I've never met her, but seeing as my bf IS THE BEST MAN, a little more effort would be put in to see if he had a serious girlfriend . Not like our relationship is new and I'm barely known in the group. I know the bride likes me so it's a little insulting she just let her maid of honour overlook that. Moreover, for the bridal shower, my bfs mom and sister were for some reason invited, as was I. But once again I didn't receive my own invitation, and it was mailed to my boyfriend's mom/sister and NOT me (so I haven't even seen the thing yet.... ) What do you think of this? Bad etiquette or...? Yeah, so far, bad etiquette.. don't sweat it. Just go, and have fun. Do not make a big deal out of it. 4
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Emily Post says that if someone is not married, it's OK to just put & guest without naming the guest. When I got married I sent "& guest" invites even to my friends / family who had been living with their SOs for years. The only exception I made was for my FI's father & his GF & my uncle & his GF because both of those couples were my elders & had been together for more than 25 years. There are so many moving parts to a wedding. As long as the bride / couple is nice to you, don't get all hung up about how invitations got addressed. People are much more causal. The bride has so many people pulling her in so many directions. If you make a scene it will only look bad on you, like you are trying to steal her thunder or you have sour grapes because the best man (your BF) hasn't proposed to you. I am not saying you feel that way, but if you protest tongues will wag & that is what they will say. 1
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Elle, yeah I won't let it bother me too much. I guess I just feel like they're like "oh ya.... Lemonlegs, yeah she can come too, just... Tell her or something." 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I think you're acting like a spoilt child. Weddings are stressful. Details get overlooked. Does it REALLY matter whether your name was painstakingly written out on the envelope too? Is it still not good enough for you that you got an invite, because it wasn't posted to your own home address? You sound like a bridezilla and it isn't even your wedding! Be careful you don't put your boyfriend in some tough spots with his best friend by causing a fuss and kicking up drama where drama is not necessary, because that is not an attractive or appealing look and you know what they say, bros before...
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Emily Post says that if someone is not married, it's OK to just put & guest without naming the guest. When I got married I sent "& guest" invites even to my friends / family who had been living with their SOs for years. The only exception I made was for my FI's father & his GF & my uncle & his GF because both of those couples were my elders & had been together for more than 25 years. There are so many moving parts to a wedding. As long as the bride / couple is nice to you, don't get all hung up about how invitations got addressed. People are much more causal. The bride has so many people pulling her in so many directions. If you make a scene it will only look bad on you, like you are trying to steal her thunder or you have sour grapes because the best man (your BF) hasn't proposed to you. I am not saying you feel that way, but if you protest tongues will wag & that is what they will say. So you're saying it would've been too much effort to write "and MyName" on the envelope? Funny, when my cousin got married she included my boyfriends name on the invite. FYI I wouldn't make a scene but I'm certainly allowed to thing it's straight up rude. And if you did this too, I bet a lot of people felt the same way I did. I'm not just a "guest", I'm a friend of theirs. Not mentioning it didn't even say plus guest.
Elle1975 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Elle, yeah I won't let it bother me too much. I guess I just feel like they're like "oh ya.... Lemonlegs, yeah she can come too, just... Tell her or something." Oh I know what you mean. It's probably hurtful because you love your boyfriend. You see your relationship as serious, etc.. It's more than just a bruised ego. Really, don't sweat it. And beside, when you get married, just make sure to include the bf's or gf's names of the couples around you. Voila! 1
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 I think you're acting like a spoilt child. Weddings are stressful. Details get overlooked. Does it REALLY matter whether your name was painstakingly written out on the envelope too? Is it still not good enough for you that you got an invite, because it wasn't posted to your own home address? You sound like a bridezilla and it isn't even your wedding! Be careful you don't put your boyfriend in some tough spots with his best friend by causing a fuss and kicking up drama where drama is not necessary, because that is not an attractive or appealing look and you know what they say, bros before... If you expect people to come and buy you gifts, esp for a bridal shower, then yeah you can write a damn invitation to ME. Bridezilla? Please, I don't even want a wedding. Also, relax. I'm not hating on the bride. I'm sure it was an oversight, just a rude one.
Assasda Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Hi everyone. I don't know where to post this, but I thought the dating forum would suffice . So my boyfriend of 2 and A half years is the best man in his friends wedding, this fall. Obviously we both hangout with them quite a bit (though I wouldn't if it wasn't for my boyfriend of course), we get along well , etc. Anyways, I was at his house last night and noticed the invitation sitting on the table, unaware they had even sent them out yet. I looked on the envelope and it just said his name, not mine as well. This irked me so I asked my boyfriend about it. He said when the bride gave it to him in person she said "oh, not sure why (my name)'s name isn't on it, my maid of honour made them." Okay, great. I've never met her, but seeing as my bf IS THE BEST MAN, a little more effort would be put in to see if he had a serious girlfriend . Not like our relationship is new and I'm barely known in the group. I know the bride likes me so it's a little insulting she just let her maid of honour overlook that. Moreover, for the bridal shower, my bfs mom and sister were for some reason invited, as was I. But once again I didn't receive my own invitation, and it was mailed to my boyfriend's mom/sister and NOT me (so I haven't even seen the thing yet.... ) What do you think of this? Bad etiquette or...? Next tiime you see them, you should yell, and tell them that youre not some hussy. Tell them how angry and insulted you are. 1
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Next tiime you see them, you should yell, and tell them that youre not some hussy. Tell them how angry and insulted you are. Wow, you people are bitter. You're making it sound like I called the bride a huge b1tch and that I never want to speak to them again. I'm asking for opinions, not ride sarcastic remarks. Grow up.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 So you're saying it would've been too much effort to write "and MyName" on the envelope? Funny, when my cousin got married she included my boyfriends name on the invite. FYI I wouldn't make a scene but I'm certainly allowed to thing it's straight up rude. And if you did this too, I bet a lot of people felt the same way I did. I'm not just a "guest", I'm a friend of theirs. Not mentioning it didn't even say plus guest. No. I'm agreeing it was a faux pas. I am saying that you should power down about it. However, if your BF's invite didn't say & guest, then I think you need to get him to ask if he is welcome to bring a guest. I would hope so since you have been together for a while & he's the best man & you were at least sort of invited to the shower. Weddings can be very expensive & at 100s of dollars per plate somebody really needs to confirm they ordered you a dinner rather than cut costs in some pretty awful places. If the shower thing annoys you, don't go. Send a gift if you feel like it. Skip it if you want to stand on the principle that if they cared they'd send you your own invite. That's probably what I'd do but then again I hate showers. As for being a friend, do you & the bride do things independently of your guys? if you don't, the term gets a bit dicier. Of all my husband's buddies I would say I am only friends with one of their wives. She & I chat; we FB & e-mail. If we lived closer we'd probably hang out but there's a continent between us. Still she & I drive the guys' time together. As far as I'm concerned the other women are my husband's buddies' wives & I don't have an independent relationship with them nor would I classify any of them as my friends. that isn't to say they aren't lovely people or that I don't enjoy their company when I see them once per year but that doesn't make them my friends. I'm not trying to stir up a hornet's nest here but weddings make people bonkers. If you don't believe me, post your same Q as written on TheKnot & see what kind of feedback you get. 2
rester Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Elle, yeah I won't let it bother me too much. I guess I just feel like they're like "oh ya.... Lemonlegs, yeah she can come too, just... Tell her or something." I can see how this could be bothersome, but it doesn't sound personal to me. It sounds like the people organizing the wedding aren't very organized, nor do they spend the time to be careful with details. 5
Daisydance Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 You can go ahead and think she is rude but I would not say anything, just get on with it. It is perfectly acceptable to address to plus guest. She probably has other priorities 1
J21 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 So you're saying it would've been too much effort to write "and MyName" on the envelope? Funny, when my cousin got married she included my boyfriends name on the invite. FYI I wouldn't make a scene but I'm certainly allowed to thing it's straight up rude. And if you did this too, I bet a lot of people felt the same way I did. I'm not just a "guest", I'm a friend of theirs. Not mentioning it didn't even say plus guest. If you expect people to come and buy you gifts, esp for a bridal shower, then yeah you can write a damn invitation to ME. Bridezilla? Please, I don't even want a wedding. Also, relax. I'm not hating on the bride. I'm sure it was an oversight, just a rude one. Wow, you people are bitter. You're making it sound like I called the bride a huge b1tch and that I never want to speak to them again. I'm asking for opinions, not ride sarcastic remarks. Grow up. Wow. Seriously? Read what you wrote up in bold and see who sounds bitter and needs to grow up. You're the one being all sarcastic and getting upset because your name wasn't written on an invite. You are making a mountain out of a molehill here. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Well, it probably made her feel like she was a girl the best man met two weeks prior. I think that's why her feelings got hurt. I really think she should go. The bride said that she was invited. Don't be resentful, have fun.
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 No. I'm agreeing it was a faux pas. I am saying that you should power down about it. However, if your BF's invite didn't say & guest, then I think you need to get him to ask if he is welcome to bring a guest. I would hope so since you have been together for a while & he's the best man & you were at least sort of invited to the shower. Weddings can be very expensive & at 100s of dollars per plate somebody really needs to confirm they ordered you a dinner rather than cut costs in some pretty awful places. If the shower thing annoys you, don't go. Send a gift if you feel like it. Skip it if you want to stand on the principle that if they cared they'd send you your own invite. That's probably what I'd do but then again I hate showers. As for being a friend, do you & the bride do things independently of your guys? if you don't, the term gets a bit dicier. Of all my husband's buddies I would say I am only friends with one of their wives. She & I chat; we FB & e-mail. If we lived closer we'd probably hang out but there's a continent between us. Still she & I drive the guys' time together. As far as I'm concerned the other women are my husband's buddies' wives & I don't have an independent relationship with them nor would I classify any of them as my friends. that isn't to say they aren't lovely people or that I don't enjoy their company when I see them once per year but that doesn't make them my friends. I'm not trying to stir up a hornet's nest here but weddings make people bonkers. If you don't believe me, post your same Q as written on TheKnot & see what kind of feedback you get. No, we don't hang out independently. I KNOW I'm invited, as I've talked about plans and whatnot with it, which is why I took it Even more personally. I'm not holding the bride responsible, I guess maybe I would just be a little more careful With stuff like that. I appreciate your insight. 1
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 You can go ahead and think she is rude but I would not say anything, just get on with it. It is perfectly acceptable to address to plus guest. She probably has other priorities I would never say anything about it. I know it's not a big deal ultimately, but I was a bit upset. Especially with the shower and the wedding invites. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 lemonlegs, it seemed to me assasda was just being funny. Maybe lighten up a bit? The bride obviously cared enough to mention to your bf that she didn't know why you were left off the invitation and that the maid of honor addressed them. That was very thoughtful of her and shows you she cares about you. Just be glad your bf wants you there. What if he didn't? THEN you'd have a problem. Go to all of the hoopla related to the wedding and have a blast! 3
ain5053 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 You are overreacting! How is this a big deal? Like someone has said, weddings are stressful and there are much bigger things to worry about than remembering everybody's girlfriends' names... Plus invitations are made months prior to the wedding, and you never now what is going to happen in those few months. Not saying that you and your boyfriend may break up in that period, but it COULD happen.... you could break up, or have a fight, or you could have gotten a job somewhere and moved away, who knows.... I think it was just much easier to say Best man + guest than to specify YOU since you two aren't married, no matter how serious your relationship might be. I think we all here have been in a very serious relationship that we thought would never end, and then it happened and that's why we're all here. Don't stress about it and act more mature, this wedding is not about YOU!!! It's about the groom and bride!
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 You are being a drama queen for all the reasons that have been already enumerated. The first year I was married my sister-in-law got married. My husband received the wedding invitation and inside it said his name and guest. These things happen. The event is suppose to revolve around the bride and her groom, don't make it about you and something so trivial.
Smilecharmer Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Somebody dropped the ball, but I don't think it was intentional. I would just laugh about it because weddings can be so overwhelming that mistakes are always made and feelings hurt even with the best Wedding Planner on the planet. 2
2sunny Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Elle, yeah I won't let it bother me too much. I guess I just feel like they're like "oh ya.... Lemonlegs, yeah she can come too, just... Tell her or something." You weren't invited = you shouldn't attend.
deathandtaxes Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 No, we don't hang out independently. I KNOW I'm invited, as I've talked about plans and whatnot with it, which is why I took it Even more personally. I'm not holding the bride responsible, I guess maybe I would just be a little more careful With stuff like that. I appreciate your insight. So what's the deal if you're already invited? This is how stupid problems and bull**** gets started and never stops. Somebody's little ego gets hurt and god forbid they have to have the last word and let everybody know about things. And the whole shower thing? It's not YOUR shower. Chill out. **** happens. And you know what? The sun still rises in the morning. Part of being an adult is just living life and taking things in stride.
Author lemonlegs Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 So what's the deal if you're already invited? This is how stupid problems and bull**** gets started and never stops. Somebody's little ego gets hurt and god forbid they have to have the last word and let everybody know about things. And the whole shower thing? It's not YOUR shower. Chill out. **** happens. And you know what? The sun still rises in the morning. Part of being an adult is just living life and taking things in stride. You're right. I know this is a flaw of mine. It shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. I'm not the type that would ever confront her or act coldly towards her. Ok giving her the benefit of the doubt. 1
TXGuy Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) Never mind. Eta: I just saw the post where you clarified you were invited. Edited June 25, 2014 by TXGuy
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