ughgeez Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I don't have a problem with my girlfriend of almost two years going out for girls night, as a matter of fact I've even gave her cash to go before. My problem is I've only met one of her friends the entire time we've been together, and on the rare occasion that friend of hers comes around the two of them seclude themselves in conversation. Now any other time I would be fine with that, but her and my girlfriend plan girls nights with other friends that I've yet to meet, and they go out all night until the last bar closes. To my gf's defense most of her friends do live in the next town (hour away) over, but they do come to town obviously. What's bothering me is: A) She'll only make plans with her friends for girls night and never integrate me or my friends. She's been out many times with my friends. If I had met her friends and spent time around them I wouldn't care I promise you. B) When she goes out she'll stay out until the early morning, but when we go out she's wanting to go home before midnight. C) If her and I do go out I have to make all the arrangements and remind her repeatedly to find a babysitter. Basically I have to pull teeth to make it happen. I've made suggestions for more inclusive plans, and again not that I'm trying to derail her fun, I'm just trying to solve something that I find odd. Also, When I confronted her about it she pretty much ripped my tongue out. By confronting her I was kinda seeking something along the lines of "yeah we should try and find a more inclusive thing next time" or some kind of reassurance. I confronted her using the same tone and script that I put above. What can I do better? Am I wrong? Her and I have a pretty open relationship to where I've encouraged her to do naughty things while I'm not around that would make most people freak out.....sexual things, so I'm not the jealous type. Don't try me with any of that. To her defense again, her and I have very busy schedules with kids and jobs etc. I just can't seem to understand why she won't bring her friends around, and why she only makes exclusive plans with them. It makes me wonder if drugs are involved, but that doesn't seem like something she would do anymore.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 It does seem a bit unequal. As part of one more effort -- perhaps a last ditch effort -- to meet her friends, suggest that you two throw a party where all the friends are invited.
Zahara Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 She's a mom but stays out till early morning partying? 1
Author ughgeez Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 She's a mom but stays out till early morning partying? I wouldn't find this an issue if she did it with me on occasion as well. The kids are older and with a sitter.
Author ughgeez Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 It does seem a bit unequal. As part of one more effort -- perhaps a last ditch effort -- to meet her friends, suggest that you two throw a party where all the friends are invited. Yeah I've mentioned it before, I'll try again more adamantly. 1
Zahara Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I wouldn't find this an issue if she did it with me on occasion as well. The kids are older and with a sitter. To each his own so I won't touch on that. It doesn't seem right that she is hiding that aspect of her life. I'd love to hang out with my partner and have a balance with my friends. Seeing that she went on the defense when you confronted and behaves this way 1) she doesn't want you to have access to the people or information into what she does at the outings 2) she's doing things that are inappropriate 3) she doesn't enjoy you or your company and just invests the bare minimum when it comes to spending time with you. Regardless of chomping off your tongue, maybe it would be good to sit her down again and lay some boundaries and tell her that her behavior is jeopardizing the healthy balance of this relationship.
Zahara Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Also OP, noting that you mentioned drugs. I have a male friend and his ex-wife exhibited the same behavior. Night out, wouldn't let him meet her friends, she'd stumble into the house in the morning drunk -- he hired a PI and she was doing drugs and sleeping with a few guys. Your gut maybe telling you something.
Author ughgeez Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 To each his own so I won't touch on that. It doesn't seem right that she is hiding that aspect of her life. I'd love to hang out with my partner and have a balance with my friends. Seeing that she went on the defense when you confronted and behaves this way 1) she doesn't want you to have access to the people or information into what she does at the outings 2) she's doing things that are inappropriate 3) she doesn't enjoy you or your company and just invests the bare minimum when it comes to spending time with you. Regardless of chomping off your tongue, maybe it would be good to sit her down again and lay some boundaries and tell her that her behavior is jeopardizing the healthy balance of this relationship. Good point, I should be able to talk to her without an aggressive reaction. The other stuff is what I'm trying not to let in my head, but it's becoming tougher to ignore.
Friskyone4u Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 What does encouraging her to do naughty things when you are not around mean? Does she have the green light to sleep with other people . If not , Her needing to be constantly going out all night into an environment filled with horny guys will eventually greatly increase her odds of cheating if you have not ok 'd that. She doesn't want you around her friends because of the things she is doing when with them and if you are around someone may all and tell you something she does not want you to know
Author ughgeez Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) What does encouraging her to do naughty things when you are not around mean? Does she have the green light to sleep with other people . If not , Her needing to be constantly going out all night into an environment filled with horny guys will eventually greatly increase her odds of cheating if you have not ok 'd that. She doesn't want you around her friends because of the things she is doing when with them and if you are around someone may all and tell you something she does not want you to know No there is absolutely no green light and she is clear on that. It's actually just "accidental flashing" which she never acts on. I onlt mentioned that to avoid the jealousy comments, I was expecting those. Also she isn't constantly going out , its just every few months or so. My issue is the aforementioned lack of inclusion. Edited June 25, 2014 by ughgeez
Mr. Lucky Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I'd be tempted to just show up late one night to find out what's going on. If it's all on the up-and-up, no reason why she and her friends wouldn't be happy to see you... Mr. Lucky
oldshirt Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Also OP, noting that you mentioned drugs. I have a male friend and his ex-wife exhibited the same behavior. Night out, wouldn't let him meet her friends, she'd stumble into the house in the morning drunk -- he hired a PI and she was doing drugs and sleeping with a few guys. Your gut maybe telling you something. This post took the words right out of my bandwidth. I was just going to suggest doing the same. stop asking her about it and talking to her about it. all that will do is make her go underground and cover her tracks. Instead start doing some serious investigating and find out what is really going on during these GNOs. Hire someone to follow her and document what is going on. go through her computer, emails, Facebook, phone etc. put a voice-activated recorder in her car (people often make phone calls and make plans while in the car. and her case if her friends are in the car with her, they'll make plans or discuss what took place at the bar) Find out for yourself what is actually going on for real and not just what she says is going on. You are going to find out some things you don't like :-( She is keeping you away from these people and keeping you out of their business for a reason.
Author ughgeez Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 After a little more thought I doubt it's anything serious. I'm just going to ignore it and play as if I don't care. That'll drive her crazy if she isn't up to something and she'll come around. I just had to let a friend remind me of the basics on how to deal with women.
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