mohhoss213 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Hi, just to give some background information, I'm on the Autism scale. I'm not using this as an excuse, but it does help give an explanation as to why I prefer to keep to myself and why I seem so aloof. I usually felt disconnected from the world and never felt like anyone truly understood me, so I never returned the same courtesy. I'm sure in relationship this isn't a good thing to bring. I guess I'm asking from this community your perspectives and opinions on how becoming close and connected with someone brings fulfillment in your life rather than trying to find that fulfillment all on your own?
littleplanet Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Seeking fulfilment with a significant other is a natural way of going about things for many people. It is a way of addressing a certain kind of lonliness that we feel - one that for many, almost universally - is understood and accepted as a given. We tend to grow up with it, get used to it, accept it as a given. When this leads to a successful completion, traditionally many things follow. A solid relationship, partnership, marriage, kids, family home.....and a whole life comprised of all that follows. For some, this agenda just doesn't work. The primary ingredient comprises learning how to focus on others outside oneself. Giving. For many people, this is a very powerful need. (The need to be needed?) If that need is not present, then one can learn how to fulfil themselves in other ways. In a sense I suppose - having a relationship with oneself. It's a curious thing. Since I was in my 20's, my best friend has always been the one who lives inside. That is between me and myself. Yet......I have many best friends (from their side of the equation.) So what does all that really mean? I like my own company. Yet.....I'm also a very gregarious person. I dig people. So something gets balanced between the two. When I was a kid, from time to time I did the loner thing. Not from rejecting social gatherings.....as much as wanting to experience the world through the wonders of my own eyes. Yet I always wanted to bring back those experiences and share with others - later. Independence yes.......but dependence also, where and as appropriate. When I was still rather young, I came up with what for me, was a powerful personal philosophy: Success, alone......was the biggest failure of all. I could have it all - and rattle around with it in the echoes of solitude. Or......I could share it. With people who mattered. I chose the latter. Because that's how I'm built. I suppose I learned that from my grandfather. He came from the old country - where family was everything. He loved women and children, good music, good food, good weather and all the passions of human existence. His dining table was often the scene of boisterous celebration of life. He resided like a humble King. He was a lucky man. One truly worthy of looking up to. He used to tell me I was his vision, young in life. That is one of the greatest compliments I've ever received. So how to start? Knowing oneself. Knowing what your dreams are, what you aspire to. And where does that come from? Curiously........good time spent alone. Then you bring that story back to someone............... and tell them all about it.
iiiii Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I guess I'm asking from this community your perspectives and opinions on how becoming close and connected with someone brings fulfillment in your life rather than trying to find that fulfillment all on your own? When you are fulfilled on your own, then I think that's the perfect time to get into a relationship. Two happy and fulfilled people are only going to add value to each others lives. Whereas people who feel like they need a relationship to be happy will often poison their relationships by smothering their partner or by expecting their partner to "make them" happy.
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