BlueDude Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 My ex of 7.5 years (17-25) broke up with me close to 5 weeks ago - via a text message (after turning her phone off for 3 days, getting annoyed after taking a txt msg out of context). We eventually met up for closure 2 weeks later - privately talked over a coffee for ~3 hours. Agreed no contact. She said "the script" for her reasons (loves me but not in love, need space to find my needs/wants, were still young need to focus on ourselves) - but eventually she said if I really wanted to really know, "I pissed her off" ... In all honesty, it's quite the truth too... I was a handful near the end; became quite antisocial, depressed, bi-polar tendencies, became unemployed for a year and leeched off her - which is more due to circumstances than anything. She was altruistic as they come, was by me the WHOLE time, till the end. I'm quite confident TO THIS day, there has been nobody else - but you never know, do you. She was adamant the whole time, there has been noone and is no-one. There has been no reason for me to assume so either. Now, that was 3 weeks ago, and just earlier I broke the NC *sigh* I sent her an impulsive inbox via Facebook (I initially blocked/removed her as a friend, but unblocked her a week ago) lol I know.. --- Our love will come back, I know it. I was meant to be with you. Just not right now. Pardon my heart, "Be Cool" --- She read it practically straight away (within 4 minutes), but 30 minutes later, she decided to completely deactivate her Facebook account, instead of just blocking me... Any idea why? I know most of the advice will be to forget, and move on... Tainted love... NC, improve yourself... But it was more or less my fault with this one... She was there by my side the whole time, and I took it for granted. We weren't perfect... few dark moments here and there, but we were fine, honestly. What is the best course of action here, besides get my 'shoot' together? I love her still. There was more to us... I honestly believe that. I apologise about the grammar, it's late night and I just drafted this out...
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Most relationships that start out as adolescents don't make it to adulthood. Yours lasted longer than most but it's time to move on & explore the world as an adult. She will always be your 1st love & that's a beautiful thing but she won't be your last. Take some time to heal then start enjoying your summer. 1
Author BlueDude Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) Most relationships that start out as adolescents don't make it to adulthood. Yours lasted longer than most but it's time to move on & explore the world as an adult. She will always be your 1st love & that's a beautiful thing but she won't be your last. Take some time to heal then start enjoying your summer. I know it's for the best... 1/3 of me knows this... "Ughhhh" Hindsight is gonna eat at me for a while with this one. I f'd up. I'm hoping that in 6 months or so, she might see how I am going and try us out again. I need at least 6 months to get on track. I admit, I wasn't helping myself when she was around... As much as she tried to get my on my feet. Still confused as to why she deactivated her FB account, why not just block me. Any idea? edit: interestingly enough, we share the same birthday too - just a year apart (I'm older). I wonder if she will contact or think of me at all.... That is approx. 3 months away. Edited June 25, 2014 by BlueDude
somecamel Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I know it's for the best... 1/3 of me knows this... "Ughhhh" Hindsight is gonna eat at me for a while with this one. I f'd up. I'm hoping that in 6 months or so, she might see how I am going and try us out again. I need at least 6 months to get on track. I admit, I wasn't helping myself when she was around... As much as she tried to get my on my feet. Still confused as to why she deactivated her FB account, why not just block me. Any idea? edit: interestingly enough, we share the same birthday too - just a year apart (I'm older). I wonder if she will contact or think of me at all.... That is approx. 3 months away. Dude, She's the one that got away, you've got to accept that and move on. Don't improve yourself as a reason to get her back, do it for yourself. As for the FB account, it's obvious she's done something to shut you out of her life, she doesn't want to hear from you. You done yourself no favours with that message. Your relationship is no different and no more special than the thousands of other posters on here, humans tend to work a certain way, back to NC and look after yourself for yourself.
lovebug_5858 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Dude, She's the one that got away, you've got to accept that and move on. Don't improve yourself as a reason to get her back, do it for yourself. As for the FB account, it's obvious she's done something to shut you out of her life, she doesn't want to hear from you. You done yourself no favours with that message. Your relationship is no different and no more special than the thousands of other posters on here, humans tend to work a certain way, back to NC and look after yourself for yourself. I agree, completely... Do it for you. I know that right now you'll still be doing it for her but find it in you to become a better you for yourself, not someone who no longer wants you - new version or not. 1
Author BlueDude Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Dude, She's the one that got away, you've got to accept that and move on. Don't improve yourself as a reason to get her back, do it for yourself. As for the FB account, it's obvious she's done something to shut you out of her life, she doesn't want to hear from you. You done yourself no favours with that message. Your relationship is no different and no more special than the thousands of other posters on here, humans tend to work a certain way, back to NC and look after yourself for yourself. Appreciate it buddy. Too right about the 'no more special than'.. & with the Facebook, I assume she doesn't want to see anything related to me and my family/mutual friends - at least for now. Meh, I'm still a young, virile handsome fella - time to get my mojo and brojo back. No excuses. Or, am I kidding myself here. 1
lovebug_5858 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Appreciate it buddy. Too right about the 'no more special than'.. & with the Facebook, I assume she doesn't want to see anything related to me and my family/mutual friends - at least for now. Meh, I'm still a young, virile handsome fella - time to get my mojo and brojo back. No excuses. Or, am I kidding myself here. In all honesty, you are most likely kidding yourself here. We all do this, we are all equally guilty. We jump on our high horse and repeat all the same affirmations "Time to get back in the game" / " _______ Doesnt deserve me anyways" and it buys time (maybe a day or two at max) but sometimes you just need to sit down and be honest with yourself. Its OKAY to grieve and mourn your loss relationship. I know "guys dont cry" but cry! until you can't cry anymore. Dissect everything, until you truly understand what went wrong and why. You seem to be doing some of this already but do some more. And sometimes we don't and we won't understand why our loved ones leave us behind... but that's okay. Don't jip yourself on time that you need to heal. At the end of this, when you feel is time, pick yourself up again when you know that truly in your heart you are ready to leave it behind you. 1
Author BlueDude Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 In all honesty, you are most likely kidding yourself here. We all do this, we are all equally guilty. We jump on our high horse and repeat all the same affirmations "Time to get back in the game" / " _______ Doesnt deserve me anyways" and it buys time (maybe a day or two at max) but sometimes you just need to sit down and be honest with yourself. Its OKAY to grieve and mourn your loss relationship. I know "guys dont cry" but cry! until you can't cry anymore. Dissect everything, until you truly understand what went wrong and why. You seem to be doing some of this already but do some more. And sometimes we don't and we won't understand why our loved ones leave us behind... but that's okay. Don't jip yourself on time that you need to heal. At the end of this, when you feel is time, pick yourself up again when you know that truly in your heart you are ready to leave it behind you. Well said. I needed that. You guys have been more than helpful already 1
Chi townD Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 She gave you the "ILYBINILWY" speech. That usually means that there's someone else in the picture. She may or may not have been cheating, but there's probably someone she's interested in and he's starting to show signs that he's interested as well. So, she could sit there and tell you that there's no one else. Because there isn't....at the moment, but it's probably in the works and she can say she's single.....for the moment. Because things are still too new. Or she's bold face lying to you about there being no one else. You think that she deactivated you off of her facebook because you think that she doesn't want to see what's going on in your life or your families. I think it's the opposite. I think she doesn't want you to see in HER life, especially when she makes this new relationship public. She doesn't want you to call her out on her sh*t. Sorry dude. Time to move on. 3
Author BlueDude Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) She gave you the "ILYBINILWY" speech. That usually means that there's someone else in the picture. She may or may not have been cheating, but there's probably someone she's interested in and he's starting to show signs that he's interested as well. So, she could sit there and tell you that there's no one else. Because there isn't....at the moment, but it's probably in the works and she can say she's single.....for the moment. Because things are still too new. Or she's bold face lying to you about there being no one else. You think that she deactivated you off of her facebook because you think that she doesn't want to see what's going on in your life or your families. I think it's the opposite. I think she doesn't want you to see in HER life, especially when she makes this new relationship public. She doesn't want you to call her out on her sh*t. Sorry dude. Time to move on. You could be right, man.. It won't be for too long if that's the case - guarantee that. However, I should have noticed if she was getting any peculiar 'attention'.. I'm good like that. There's more to the story (as always), but she became quite miserable herself near the end, I don't blame her for leaving me. It made sense. She was with me literally everyday - never suspect, always transparent with her Facebook/Phone etc. Never made peculiar reasons/excuses to go somewhere, or do things. All she done lately was babysit her nephew or see a few close friends (she would contact me while out, what they're upto, send pictures/videos too)... She doesn't drink alcohol (at all), or go out clubbing. We were quite codependent... And every weekend was pretty much spent with each other. Not healthy. She even resigned from her job (decent role) the exact day we met up for closure. I referred her to the company as I worked there at the time too. Maybe she had a fling with someone at work, who knows.. But I highly doubt it. ... But honestly, she isn't in her 'element' at all right now. Usually you get a little hint of someone else in the picture with their actions, for sure. She started gaining weight, not dressing nice or taking care of herself, started performing bad at work, family issues (mother recently became unemployed, so she has to look after her now - single mom)... she's trying to spend time lately with her close older cousin who had a brain tumor... Worrying about her nephew as her brother is getting into drugs. hence the babysitting... Started seeing someone about anxiety and depression herself. She wasn't an overly active user on social media either. Not many friends, only photos are family photos, never posts statuses or comments or update profile pictures. Doesn't use Snapchat, Whatsapp, Tinder etc. She did need to let me go. We have our own personal things to worry and focus on at the minute - instead of my baggage. If it was another guy, I'd be surprised considering the circumstances. It doesn't always come down to infidelity/monkey-branching. It's possible though, it happens quite often. Edited June 25, 2014 by BlueDude
Chi townD Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Well, then maybe she's hit a patch of depression? Sounding like it from what you've described.
Author BlueDude Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Well, then maybe she's hit a patch of depression? Sounding like it from what you've described. Yeah, I didn't help her much at all either.. (disgusts me) Took her for granted. Was selfish as they come near the end. Ah well, I deserved it. Seriously did. Definitely learned a few things, that's for sure.. Maybe she did have a little fling amongst all this... Never know do ya. Ah well, don't blame her
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