lavenderlove Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) I know I shouldn't complain, but I do. I met this sweet sweet guy recently and we have been dating for two months now. everything is amazing, we are on the same wavelength in terms of interests, life, general approach to people, socialising, music books you name it. we sometimes sit on a rock just watching the mist in a forest not talking for two hours, because that's exactly what we would do if the other wasn't there...we are both creative people, in case you think this is a weird way to pass time:-) So you know it's just effortless and easy. He is the best kisser ever. He initiated everything and I encourage him, I am so sweet to him, and even so I began to feel that we are a little bit stuck with the progress. Such as, I have fallen for him big time, and he is not the kind of guy who flatters me, like he doesn't tell me everyday that I am beautiful, which is something I am used to from guys, or he doesn't actually SAY anything about us. But he is always there, always ready to see me, holds my hand, and when we are out we are like a real couple. He makes me feel very secure. BUT: I am getting a little bit impatient with him in regards to expressing how he feels. For instance I wrote him a poem, his birthday is coming up and this poem is very subtle but it does contain that I am basically in love with him. I want to give it to him, but I am the kind of girl who likes to be told first, and I also don't want to make him feel pressured that he needs to step up up and spill his heart for me. I want that to happen when he is ready for it. He did have one emotional outburst a few weeks ago, when he told me some amazing lines I never though I would hear in my life addressed to me, which is why I am certain, that we are good, but that was a little while ago, and according to my emotional clock it's time for the: 'you are amazing, I just want you so badly, you are the one and only, be mine forever' kind of talk...or just a simple: 'will you be my girlfriend?' The reason why I am writing now is because I keep thinking about this non stop, and it's a driving me a little crazy. Should I give the poem to push the cart a little bit or not? what do you think? Edited June 25, 2014 by lavenderlove
central Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Subtlety is usually wasted on most men. Asking a direct question, or making a direct statement is usually better. Perhaps he's sufficiently subtle and creative to be one of the exceptions, but if so, it hasn't worked so far! He sounds like most men when it comes to expressing emotions, especially any of the softer, gentler sort that could make him vulnerable to being hurt if not reciprocated. That's not to say he's not feeling them! But, you may have to just ask. You can try the poem, but do NOT be surprised if it's too subtle for him.
Author lavenderlove Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Oh, he is super sensitive, which is why I worry about the poem, plus he is a writer, so he will totally get it. This is why I am not sure if I should give it to him, because even though it is subtle it will be fully understood. The question is should I actually make a step or not? I guess what I am pondering is should I poke and prod or just let it be and give him the time he obviously needs....it's not like he gives me any doubts about us any any other way And I am also thinking if i let him choose his time, space and way he goes about this it might just be the sweetest experience but then maybe some encouragement via the poem may be exactly what he needs
Assasda Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 This guy sounds like a real MAN. He doesnt blow smoke up your ass and lie to you. -When he tells you how he feels, he MEANS it. - This should mean a lot to you. lol this seems juvenile. Just give him the poem 3
Fondue Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 This guy sounds like a real MAN. He doesnt blow smoke up your ass and lie to you. -When he tells you how he feels, he MEANS it. - This should mean a lot to you. lol this seems juvenile. Just give him the poem I have to agree with this post, for the most part. I probably wouldn't give him the poem though. You have only been dating for TWO months. That's nothing in actual time. You don't really know how "deep" you feel for someone at that stage. Many men also take time to process everything, take it all in, and evaluate where they are emotionally and how they perceive the person their with in regards to those emotions. For a quick example, I didn't tell my GF how I felt about her until after 6months. It didn't feel right. THen one morning she pleasantly wakes me up and it just CAME OUT. My body and mind told me it was the time to say something then. It felt right. Give him time. If he's showing you he cares, then be happy with that. Again, two months is no time at all. EDIT: I forgot to add. That guy sounds very much like me. I never felt the need to flatter my gf, be all lovey-dovey and cutesy, or anything of that. I simply enjoyed her company and she enjoyed mine. Him not flattering you like "everyone else" is not a bad thing. It's probably a good thing, actually. Most people use flattering comments because tehy're easy and an easy way to get into your pants. Girls drool over that ****. Most of the time it is meaningless. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Oh, he is super sensitive, which is why I worry about the poem, plus he is a writer, so he will totally get it. This is why I am not sure if I should give it to him, because even though it is subtle it will be fully understood. The question is should I actually make a step or not? I guess what I am pondering is should I poke and prod or just let it be and give him the time he obviously needs....it's not like he gives me any doubts about us any any other way And I am also thinking if i let him choose his time, space and way he goes about this it might just be the sweetest experience but then maybe some encouragement via the poem may be exactly what he needs two creative people together...give him the poem......you sound like you have a very blissful deep relationship i am creative and can sit and watch ripples forever....i do it alone.....i meet people that way....i help people that way.its respite for me.....if i cant dance it out i sit where the water meets me.......if i were to meet a guy who could just sit in silence and be thanking god for the beauty around us in gods green and blue earth...i would be a happy girl......be happy share your creativity and dont be concerned i think he will love it..... trust him by trusting what your heart writes......deb 1
Author lavenderlove Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Thanks so much for sharing your opinion on this, I really appreciate all your thoughts. I really like how he is in terms of showing how he feels by action rather than talk. The thing is, that we were both in long term relationships before, which finished well over a year ago for the both of us, and we went through very very similar breakups. His GF broke up with him, when he booked a mini holiday just to be able to focus properly on planning out their wedding, and I walked out on my ex, when he kept putting off the proposal around the eight year mark. So we are both hurt in a similar way, but I think we are dealing with this differently. He creates a shell, which he admitted, and I am still not allowed "in", and I crave confirmation of love to put me at ease. So this is why it's a little tricky. I thought about this and decided not to allow my insecurities to interfere with our happiness. He is great. And I am very impulsive. His bday is in two weeks, I really don't know what I will do with the poem. I may get him something else, but have the poem with me too(it's in a handmade envelope-even just as an object it is so beautiful), so if I feel it's right, I may give it to him. I mean being with someone is not just about gauging where they are at, and how one should respond to accommodate that. I am in this too, and I am an impulsive expressive person, and I am pretty sure that he would want me to allow myself to do what I feel like as well. He told me before how much he likes that I am so honest and direct. Oh, I don't know:love:, the thing is that I feel so free to do whatever I feel, knowing that it's going to be ok either way 1
Author lavenderlove Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 He's emotionally unavailable What makes you think that?
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I don't know about the poem. To me poems are like scrapbooks -- women always want to do these loving things for their guys but the guys don't really care, don't react with enough appreciation & then upset the women. The women really want to receive these things. You know your BF. I don't. If you think he'll be receptive, go ahead but prepare yourself for disappointment.
todreaminblue Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Thanks so much for sharing your opinion on this, I really appreciate all your thoughts. I really like how he is in terms of showing how he feels by action rather than talk. The thing is, that we were both in long term relationships before, which finished well over a year ago for the both of us, and we went through very very similar breakups. His GF broke up with him, when he booked a mini holiday just to be able to focus properly on planning out their wedding, and I walked out on my ex, when he kept putting off the proposal around the eight year mark. So we are both hurt in a similar way, but I think we are dealing with this differently. He creates a shell, which he admitted, and I am still not allowed "in", and I crave confirmation of love to put me at ease. So this is why it's a little tricky. I thought about this and decided not to allow my insecurities to interfere with our happiness. He is great. And I am very impulsive. His bday is in two weeks, I really don't know what I will do with the poem. I may get him something else, but have the poem with me too(it's in a handmade envelope-even just as an object it is so beautiful), so if I feel it's right, I may give it to him. I mean being with someone is not just about gauging where they are at, and how one should respond to accommodate that. I am in this too, and I am an impulsive expressive person, and I am pretty sure that he would want me to allow myself to do what I feel like as well. He told me before how much he likes that I am so honest and direct. Oh, I don't know:love:, the thing is that I feel so free to do whatever I feel, knowing that it's going to be ok either way its diificult to trust our own instincts as artists or creative people and its a lot easier to follow someone else than to branch out and trust what we feel...but if all artists did this....there would never be art.......or the cisterne chapel for one would not be what it is now...i now its grandiose but if you break it down it takes one stroke of paint to start something beautiful and it took four years for michelangelo to create art at the cisterne chapel i am sure if he followed advice from others he would have given up or never started in the first place........as an artist create use your brush and give a lick of paint where you want a lick of paint to be........dont let others tell you not to...do what is in your heart miss michelangelo and good luck..love is art...so paint your poem and give it to who you want to give it too.....my ex loved my poems and hated poetry so there you go....love is art art is love....cannot be denied bar by you................smilin.....deb
Author lavenderlove Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 His behavior. Thank you for your kind words of wisdom.
Author lavenderlove Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Well, ninjainpijamas, you were right. I just got dumped.
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