oldenoughtodate Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) Hello LS community, I am new to an organization. In my team, I have one co-worker who happens to be very popular in the organization helped me out in several occasions. It is our year end and I decided to take him out for lunch to thank him. To start with, I am nervous around him because he is funny and very popular in the organization. There were a few moments of awkwardness as we walked to the restaurant. I don't want him to see me as an uptight and boring person, so I relaxed and be myself. Lunch went on okay. He was courteous and attentive, made appropriate comments on my responses to his questions. At one point, I asked about his family, he was vague about it, didn't mention of his daughter. I know for a fact that he has a daughter and he is single. I wonder if he ever thought of what if I found out through others in the office. I did mention about my son and kind of hint that we all have history at our age (in our 40s). He did talk about other personal stuff though. Later on, I sent him a short e-mail, he replied with something equivalent to the next one will be on him and I replied that I like the idea. The odd thing was the next day at work, I felt that we were trying to avoid each other. We tried to avoid making eye contacts, or I didn't remember acknowledging each other (the first thing you do when you see someone). It was the year end celebration, so there were many people in the room. There were a few occasions that we could see each other across from the room and none of us made any attempt to connect. Even when we were left to do the clean up, we just exchanged very minimal conversation. I would feel much more comfortable if he was as friendly as usual, which means that he is a normal friendly guy, didn't think anything at all about the lunch. ( I think in some ways, it felt like a lunch date...) Later on, we went to a co-worker's house to chill out. I happened sitting next to him. We didn't talk about the restaurant, the food nor the jokes that we made on our e-mails. I think we were acting cool. He was being his normal self, not shy at all, funny and easy going. I was semi-quiet, making lots of eye contacts with other co-workers. I did look at him when he spoke but he never made any eye contact with me. He wasn't in my radar till some time ago. On day as I was working at my desk, I looked up and our eyes locked. As a reflex, I smiled and he smiled. My heart dropped a beat. From his expression, I could tell that he had been looking at my direction for some time till I looked up. From then onwards, I found that he would stare at me from time to time. He would respond to my expressions when I see something interesting from him (not towards me). A few occasions he asked about my personal stuff, but I never asked any of his personal stuff till the lunch thing. I did initiate all the e-mails (work related, with some humor, four or five in total). Any hint on how to break this ice? Thanks. Edited June 25, 2014 by oldenoughtodate spelling, additional info.
PegNosePete Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 It seems to me that you're both (rightfully) nervous about mixing your work and personal lives. You don't want to draw attention to your shared experience, that would cause co-workers to talk... so you're both ignoring each other at work and when co-workers are around. How about drop him an e-mail saying when are you going to take me out for that lunch you promised?
Author oldenoughtodate Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) Thanks for taking the time to reply. That's interesting. I would think that he thought I have a crush on him and he is avoiding me. You could be right. What do you think of the fact that he didn't mention about his daughter when I asked of his family. I am more concern about why he chose not to disclose it. What if down the road, I found out? What was he thinking? Actually, now the situation really sucks. Today is the last day at the organization. We had some free time and since I wasn't sure if I would have a chance to pick his brain anymore, I asked him to give me some more training on a piece of equipment which he did. Later on, the group went out for lunch. We sat far apart and make no eye contact nor interaction. Then we went back to the office and as I was waiting at the lobby for another co-worker, he walked through the door. We looked at each other. No "hello", no "have a good summer", just like I didn't exist. Why would someone act like that? I am too afraid to send him any e-mail. What do you think? Edited June 25, 2014 by oldenoughtodate
Assasda Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I dont think its that serious that he didnt mention his daughter. It might be something, that he only discusses with people that are closer to him than you are. Its always very strange when working with someone you like, because you simply spend too much time seeing them, and then some of the mystery goes away, then some of the attraction is gone. My advice is to try to go out with him after work, but keep it business-like when you 2 are at work. you can give him the odd smile here and there, but leve him be at work
Author oldenoughtodate Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 Thanks, Assasda. You are probably right. He might just want to share with people close to him. I assume that since he is quite open telling about himself to other people, I would think that it shouldn't be that big of a deal to mention about the family. You know, sometimes co-workers talks about their families. Anyway, I shouldn't think of it too much. I feel sad that somehow all of a sudden we have become uptight in the presence of each other...don't even think of going out after work or date. It would be nice to understand this whole thing from a male perspective so that I would know what to say (do) or what not to say (do) to remove the awkwardness. Thanks.
Assasda Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 You can do something to break the awkwardness. Bring some donuts in to work, give them out. - Give him one and say "We still friends?" Just dont be shy around him, and communicate as usual. That might break it down
PegNosePete Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I think my original opinion stands. He doesn't want to talk to you at work for fear of letting co-workers know something is going on. Drop him an email asking for that lunch. You can just say to him "I hear you have a daughter, what's her name?" etc to break that awkwardness.
Author oldenoughtodate Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) Thanks Assasda and PegNosePete for the advice. PegNosePete, I think visiting the dentist has suddenly become a better idea than writing to him again. ^.^ I am curious but way too embarrassed to find out the truth (won't be on the exam anyway...) I know, I asked for what to say or do. Thanks for the time to help me out. I think when the new assignment begins, I will bring in a box of chocolate/donuts to the office to clear the air and have a new start. Actually I am a bit confused myself: if I really like him or just misread the signals and got stirred a bit. Right now, I will let it cool off a bit, wait to see if he would follow up on the lunch he promised. I have learned a bit here that "actions speak louder that words". Will let you two know if it happens. Thanks. Edited June 27, 2014 by oldenoughtodate add info
Recommended Posts