Ryan R. Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 One of my friends said this the other day. That I need to compete for girls with other guys. He has a really gorgeous girlfriend and he said that he needed to compete in order to get her. He needed to be the best man out of all the other guys she was talking to. He says there's two forms of competition: direct and indirect. Direct is when guys are actively courting her, indirect is when she's being talked to and bantered to with guys that are on the radar yet not flirting with her. He just basically said that's all it comes down to: being the best man. I realize I need to be the best man when it comes to sexual experience, relational experience. I plan on seeing a specialist multiple times when I go to Europe later this summer with my gang. Then, I'll just work my way up. I need to develop that acuity that will help me compete. If not, I'll just be pulling straws. I know it's like a job application and I have to be the best applicant. How have you been able to help yourself compete for girls? Did you improve physically? Mentally?
carhill Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 How have you been able to help yourself compete for girls? Did you improve physically? Mentally? Logistically, by placing oneself in an environment where one is exposed to and interacts with a large number of otherwise unattached women, then let nature take its course. I did all the physical and mental gymnastics, to no avail, but it was getting out of my comfort zone and getting out in the world (the big world, not out of the house) which made the difference. Being somewhere were there were actually single women and they noticed men and responded to normal male flirtation. It was wonderful. In the end, I think the only person one competes with is oneself. We own our choices. 4
ascendotum Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 said that he needed to compete in order to get her v said that's all it comes down to: being the best man I agree, you need to put bids in to win, unless you blessed with handsome looks and can just cruise and do your thing and still garner attention from women, but, being the best man out of her suitors, that's another thing. You're keen if you are you going to EU just to see a Casanova instructor?
PegNosePete Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Practice is all it takes. You won't "win" the first woman you talk to, or the second, or the third. But as long as you improve your confidence and flirtations with each one, eventually you will be the best. And at that point, you will see that it's the other way around. They need to be the best to attract YOU.
Assasda Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 You dont need looks AT ALL you dont need money - although that could help you on dates All you need is Confidences, and sense of self. Dont be too Dirty - and you probably can go out with any woman As far as being the best man, Your friend may have a point. Most guys say too much bullcrap, if they just kept quiet and keep their needy feelings to themselves, it would all work out. But have a strong sense of self worth -Because no female is better than you And know what you stand for as a man, its a piece of cake
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 he said that he needed to compete in order to get her. He needed to be the best man out of all the other guys she was talking to. He says there's two forms of competition: direct and indirect. Direct is when guys are actively courting her, indirect is when she's being talked to and bantered to with guys that are on the radar yet not flirting with her. He just basically said that's all it comes down to: being the best man. I realize I need to be the best man when it comes to sexual experience, relational experience. I plan on seeing a specialist multiple times when I go to Europe later this summer with my gang. Then, I'll just work my way up. I need to develop that acuity that will help me compete. If not, I'll just be pulling straws. I know it's like a job application and I have to be the best applicant. How have you been able to help yourself compete for girls? Did you improve physically? Mentally? I am a female and I completely disagree 100% with this. You don't need to be the best at anything. You need to be yourself. You want experience then date, you want to be on top shape then hit the gym, you want to be interesting then read and keep on top of current affairs. You don't need any specialist to teach you this. I was married twice and then dated a whole lot. NONE of the men that came in my life were the best at anything! The only thing they were best at was at giving me attention and making me feel important and special. You guys are looking for answers in all the wrong places.
joeLove Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Different women are looking for different things. Some want the looks, or the money or some combination of both. Other women just want to be with someone who cares and give them attention. Men are the same way ... Some men just want a good looking "bimbo", others want someone who will "follow their orders" ... and so on. I think as a man, one just needs to be honest, sincere.
musemaj11 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I am a female and I completely disagree 100% with this. You don't need to be the best at anything. You need to be yourself. You want experience then date, you want to be on top shape then hit the gym, you want to be interesting then read and keep on top of current affairs. You don't need any specialist to teach you this. I was married twice and then dated a whole lot. NONE of the men that came in my life were the best at anything! The only thing they were best at was at giving me attention and making me feel important and special. You guys are looking for answers in all the wrong places. I think Ryan is saying that he needs to be the best man to compete for a GORGEOUS woman, not just any woman. Different women are looking for different things. Some want the looks, or the money or some combination of both. Other women just want to be with someone who cares and give them attention. Men are the same way ... Some men just want a good looking "bimbo", others want someone who will "follow their orders" ... and so on. I think as a man, one just needs to be honest, sincere. All men and women are the same. We want the best deal for ourselves. 2
Fondue Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I would NEVER compete for a woman who expected it. I've had girls get upset with me in the past for not trying to woo them over the other guys that might be after her. I've had girls get upset for me not giving them more attention than the other guys that might be after her. For not trying "hard enough" as the other men. I don't compete with other men for women who want it. I don't stroke egos like that. 3
Author Ryan R. Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 said that he needed to compete in order to get her v said that's all it comes down to: being the best man I agree, you need to put bids in to win, unless you blessed with handsome looks and can just cruise and do your thing and still garner attention from women, but, being the best man out of her suitors, that's another thing. You're keen if you are you going to EU just to see a Casanova instructor? No, I'm not seeing a dating coach. I'm seeing someone who specializes in the instruction of the ancient dance.
Strength in Healing Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Here's the key. Get over the fear of approaching women. So many guys fear rejection and/or are awkward. Women don't get approached by normal guys a whole lot. They get creepy comments most of the time, or nothing at all. That's the master key. And don't even try online (unless it's match or eharmony) -- guys try to circumvent their fear of rejection by using online mediums, resulting in any decent girl getting 1000 messages a day. THEN you're REALLY competing.
Revolver Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Well duh. If you want a "georgous" and in many cases simply above average GF you're going to have to steal her from another dude 1
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I think Ryan is saying that he needs to be the best man to compete for a GORGEOUS woman, not just any woman. All men and women are the same. We want the best deal for ourselves. Definition of gorgeous is personal to everyone. Some like then tall and blond, some like them short and brunette. When you come across a woman of your liking you approach her simple as that. Good looking women have insecurities just like any other women and most of good looking women don't even know they are good looking. They don't need any special approach. If you associate gorgeous women with being a vain woman then ...well it's your problem. I would not be interested in a vain man no matter how good looking he is. By the way a lot of beautiful women are single because men fear approaching them. It's all in your heads gentlemen. Just freakin approach them! 1
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Paying a "pro" money isn't going to help you compete for or win real women. Many will run for the hills once they have found our what you have done. Also the skills needed to attract a real woman -- flirting, listening, being a godd BF -- are not required for this so called "specialist". All that person wants is money. I think your buddy may be on to something. Are you even talking to women at this point -- not just the supermodel gorgeous ones you think you want but claim you can't have but actual women. There are beautiful women everywhere if you bother to look somewhere other than a magazine cover.
GravityMan Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 One of my friends said this the other day. That I need to compete for girls with other guys. He has a really gorgeous girlfriend and he said that he needed to compete in order to get her. He needed to be the best man out of all the other guys she was talking to. He says there's two forms of competition: direct and indirect. Direct is when guys are actively courting her, indirect is when she's being talked to and bantered to with guys that are on the radar yet not flirting with her. He just basically said that's all it comes down to: being the best man. I realize I need to be the best man when it comes to sexual experience, relational experience. I plan on seeing a specialist multiple times when I go to Europe later this summer with my gang. Then, I'll just work my way up. I need to develop that acuity that will help me compete. If not, I'll just be pulling straws. I know it's like a job application and I have to be the best applicant. How have you been able to help yourself compete for girls? Did you improve physically? Mentally? Maybe this "compete to win" mindset was true specifically for your friend's girlfriend. But his GF is just one woman out of several billion (in which millions would be considered physically attractive by a lot of men). Don't paint 'em all with the same brush. Assuming that was true for his GF, your friend shouldn't rest on his laurels now that he's seeing her. Because sooner or later his girlfriend is going to encounter some other guy whom she considers to be "better" and more attractive than your friend and has strong chemistry. And she just might want to be with that guy, and act on her desires. The whole "grass is greener" thing. Even if your friend does put in the work to maintain the relationship...it may not matter in the end. The points I'm making are twofold: (a) that there's a good chance your friend's GF may not be the right woman for him...and (b) when it comes to attraction there are powers at work outside your control which can influence how things go. Back on topic...let's say there was some other woman at some lounge one evening. She's in her late 20s. Assume she's very attractive (although that hardly matters). She's not really scoping out the "scene", she's just chatting with her friend and enjoying a drink. Five men (all late 20s to early 30s) come chat with her throughout the evening. Two of them are obvious creeps so she shoos them away quick. A third guy seems normal enough but is just...boring (nothing in common, intellectual differences too big, etc.). The fourth guy is dressed to the nines without being overdressed, an excellent charmer, a natural gentleman, very funny, confident, well-traveled, physically fit, looks like Ryan Gosling, speaks three different languages fluently, works as a senior director at a Fortune 500 company, is quite good at basketball and soccer, has many friends, and got out of a 4-year relationship six months ago. She and her friend enjoy his company in a non-romantic way and shares great laughs with him...but when he asks her out, she politely turns him down because she just wasn't feeling that spark. The last guy is just an average Joe in many ways. Decent looking but not a knockout. Conservative-looking shirt and jeans. Works as a mid-level hardware engineer. Decent but not masterful in social situations. But when he opened his mouth, they just connected, and chemistry was there. Occasionally, something he said was delivered a bit awkwardly...that's OK, she didn't care. They had some things in common; it was easy to relate to each other. He wasn't trying to "compete" with other men in order to "win". He didn't give a damn about other guys. He was just being himself, and was comfortable with that. The woman accepted when he asked her out after 30 minutes of chitchat and humorous flirting. They clicked in a way that makes the idea of "competing to win" utterly irrelevant. Strength in Healing's got it right...get over your fear of women and just talk to them like a normal civilized human being. You might be surprised how far that can take you. I think it's sad that some guys have this irrational fear of women in the first place. I suspect for many of them it stems from childhood...whoever or whatever "educated" them (parents, friends, society, the media, etc.) likely put women on a pedestal. 6
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Maybe this "compete to win" mindset was true specifically for your friend's girlfriend. But his GF is just one woman out of several billion (in which millions would be considered physically attractive by a lot of men). Don't paint 'em all with the same brush. Assuming that was true for his GF, your friend shouldn't rest on his laurels now that he's seeing her. Because sooner or later his girlfriend is going to encounter some other guy whom she considers to be "better" and more attractive than your friend and has strong chemistry. And she just might want to be with that guy, and act on her desires. The whole "grass is greener" thing. Even if your friend does put in the work to maintain the relationship...it may not matter in the end. The points I'm making are twofold: (a) that there's a good chance your friend's GF may not be the right woman for him...and (b) when it comes to attraction there are powers at work outside your control which can influence how things go. Back on topic...let's say there was some other woman at some lounge one evening. She's in her late 20s. Assume she's very attractive (although that hardly matters). She's not really scoping out the "scene", she's just chatting with her friend and enjoying a drink. Five men (all late 20s to early 30s) come chat with her throughout the evening. Two of them are obvious creeps so she shoos them away quick. A third guy seems normal enough but is just...boring (nothing in common, intellectual differences too big, etc.). The fourth guy is dressed to the nines without being overdressed, an excellent charmer, a natural gentleman, very funny, confident, well-traveled, physically fit, looks like Ryan Gosling, speaks three different languages fluently, works as a senior director at a Fortune 500 company, is quite good at basketball and soccer, has many friends, and got out of a 4-year relationship six months ago. She and her friend enjoy his company in a non-romantic way and shares great laughs with him...but when he asks her out, she politely turns him down because she just wasn't feeling that spark. The last guy is just an average Joe in many ways. Decent looking but not a knockout. Conservative-looking shirt and jeans. Works as a mid-level hardware engineer. Decent but not masterful in social situations. But when he opened his mouth, they just connected, and chemistry was there. Occasionally, something he said was delivered a bit awkwardly...that's OK, she didn't care. They had some things in common; it was easy to relate to each other. He wasn't trying to "compete" with other men in order to "win". He didn't give a damn about other guys. He was just being himself, and was comfortable with that. The woman accepted when he asked her out after 30 minutes of chitchat and humorous flirting. They clicked in a way that makes the idea of "competing to win" utterly irrelevant. Strength in Healing's got it right...get over your fear of women and just talk to them like a normal civilized human being. You might be surprised how far that can take you. I think it's sad that some guys have this irrational fear of women in the first place. I suspect for many of them it stems from childhood...whoever or whatever "educated" them (parents, friends, society, the media, etc.) likely put women on a pedestal. Love it ! Great post ! 1
Emilia Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 The last guy is just an average Joe in many ways. Decent looking but not a knockout. Conservative-looking shirt and jeans. Works as a mid-level hardware engineer. Decent but not masterful in social situations. But when he opened his mouth, they just connected, and chemistry was there. Occasionally, something he said was delivered a bit awkwardly...that's OK, she didn't care. They had some things in common; it was easy to relate to each other. He wasn't trying to "compete" with other men in order to "win". He didn't give a damn about other guys. He was just being himself, and was comfortable with that. The woman accepted when he asked her out after 30 minutes of chitchat and humorous flirting. They clicked in a way that makes the idea of "competing to win" utterly irrelevant. Strength in Healing's got it right...get over your fear of women and just talk to them like a normal civilized human being. You might be surprised how far that can take you. I think it's sad that some guys have this irrational fear of women in the first place. I suspect for many of them it stems from childhood...whoever or whatever "educated" them (parents, friends, society, the media, etc.) likely put women on a pedestal. excellent post indeed!
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Your friend is right in a way, OP. You don't need to be the "best man", but you do need to be better than the alternatives. It's like the old joke about two men in the forest trying to outrun a bear; you don't need to outrun the bear, you need outrun the other guy. I was given the same advice once from a girl I worked with. Good, church-going type of girl too, not someone who's into bad boys or whatever. Unfortunately, not everyone can be that guy. I can't. It's just not in my nature. Hopefully you can though.
Strength in Healing Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Unfortunately, not everyone can be that guy. I can't. It's just not in my nature. Hopefully you can though. When I was a kid, I was an introverted nerd who played video games. Now I am the opposite. Any of us can achieve anything.
preraph Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Your friend is full of crap. He's had a little success and was probably born good looking and has gotten cocky, and he'll probably alienate a lot of women who are smart enough to sense this in him. Every woman is different and put you and him in a room with 20 women and not all of them will like EITHER of you. It's good to work on yourself to become your best self, but you have to be yourself to attract someone who really likes you for who you are.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 When I was a kid, I was an introverted nerd who played video games. Now I am the opposite. Any of us can achieve anything. I'm not a nerd. I don't play video games. I read books, play sports, and go to the gym. I can compete. Just not for women. Been that way my whole life. All 26 years of it.
Author Ryan R. Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 I am a female and I completely disagree 100% with this. You don't need to be the best at anything. You need to be yourself. You want experience then date, you want to be on top shape then hit the gym, you want to be interesting then read and keep on top of current affairs. You don't need any specialist to teach you this. I was married twice and then dated a whole lot. NONE of the men that came in my life were the best at anything! The only thing they were best at was at giving me attention and making me feel important and special. You guys are looking for answers in all the wrong places. So in other words, they were the best man. I think Ryan is saying that he needs to be the best man to compete for a GORGEOUS woman, not just any woman. Not necessarily. To get ANY woman that's worth her salt, you need to be the best man. Women have multiple guys competing, why should she choose you. I don't compete with other men for women who want it. I don't stroke egos like that. It's not ego stroking if the woman doesn't know that she's being competed for. A job that has many applicants knows it's a good job, no ego stroking necessary. I have found that life is a man-to-man competitive cooperation. We subconsciously compete for everything. Getting in line at a game launch, buying limited edition of certain items, even groceries at the store. You should have seen what the stores looked like when Hurricane Sandy was approaching. I believe that at our core, we compete. We also help others too (as long as it's in our best interest). That is what is meant by competitive cooperation. Here's the key. Get over the fear of approaching women. So many guys fear rejection and/or are awkward. Women don't get approached by normal guys a whole lot. They get creepy comments most of the time, or nothing at all. That's the master key. And don't even try online (unless it's match or eharmony) -- guys try to circumvent their fear of rejection by using online mediums, resulting in any decent girl getting 1000 messages a day. THEN you're REALLY competing. I have approached women in the past. And failed. See here. How and where are you going to approach women without it looking awkward? In the grocery store? At the gym? Come on. There's no way to approach girls where they won't give you some type of rejection, unless you're extraordinarily good looking. For the rest of the time, you must rely on your social circle and/or bars to introduce you to new women. I believe lots of girls get approached, just not by guys they like/want. I already know online dating is a dead-zone so that's out of the water. Paying a "pro" money isn't going to help you compete for or win real women. Many will run for the hills once they have found our what you have done. Also the skills needed to attract a real woman -- flirting, listening, being a godd BF -- are not required for this so called "specialist". All that person wants is money. I think your buddy may be on to something. Are you even talking to women at this point -- not just the supermodel gorgeous ones you think you want but claim you can't have but actual women. There are beautiful women everywhere if you bother to look somewhere other than a magazine cover. I personally find your post quite offensive in not only saying that a specialist won't help me and that I only pay attention to the most attractive girls. Both of these are false. I am going to a specialist because I have no sexual experience. I need the sexual experience in order to get one night stands. I have no other means of getting sexually active. One night stands will increase my sexual prowess, which is one facet of a relationship. I can't go into doing one night stands without some degree of sexual experience. I will get better at talking to women by seducing them into one night stands. I have also had many crushes on girls in college but I knew I wasn't good enough because I was only seen as a friend. I was seen as a friend to a lot of girls but I wasn't good enough for a sexual relationship. These girls weren't goddesses either. I stood alone in a sea of sexual and relationship activity and I often withdrew into depression to hide away from the tidal wave of feelings. Now that college is over, I missed my chance to have the easiest sex and/or relationships of my life. Girls aren't affected by guys as much anymore. I need to take matters into my own hands. This isn't the path I want to be on, but none of us choose our paths in life. Even when we do, there are forks in the road and twists and turns that throw us off. If a girl asks about me seeing a specialist, I would just tell her that I have had one night stands with several women. Because seeing a specialist - that's all it is.
musemaj11 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) Definition of gorgeous is personal to everyone. Some like then tall and blond, some like them short and brunette. When you come across a woman of your liking you approach her simple as that. Good looking women have insecurities just like any other women and most of good looking women don't even know they are good looking. They don't need any special approach. If you associate gorgeous women with being a vain woman then ...well it's your problem. I would not be interested in a vain man no matter how good looking he is. Men have a rather universal physical standard of women because men are very visual beings. A woman whom I think is very hot may not be that hot for the next guy, but chances are he and other guys still find her very attractive also even if not as much as I do. So in other words, yeah men do need to compete for an attractive woman because she is in demand just like women need to compete for a successful man because he is also sought after by a lot of women. Simple supply and demand really. By the way a lot of beautiful women are single because men fear approaching them. It's all in your heads gentlemen. Just freakin approach them! Easier said than done, especially coming from a woman ... Edited June 25, 2014 by musemaj11
Author Ryan R. Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Maybe this "compete to win" mindset was true specifically for your friend's girlfriend. But his GF is just one woman out of several billion (in which millions would be considered physically attractive by a lot of men). Don't paint 'em all with the same brush. Haha! This post was actually pretty funny with the description of that Ryan Gosling type guy. However, even though it was a bit funny, it is not true. I don't believe a lot of women won't fall for that type of guy. You should see women when they post on Facebook and Instagram pages of different guys they find attractive. I doubt that they wouldn't go for him. I do have a lot of female friends, but women are a tough nut to crack. Some guys have really good nutcrackers, other guys have defective but still workable nutcrackers, other guys have none. Talking to women on a platonic level is easy. Getting them sexually attracted enough to sleep or go into a relationship requires some cheat codes (for me at least). That's why I'm cheating and circumventing the system by sleeping with specialists. They are outlawed and looked down upon because they are in a way, cheat codes for this thing. You gain sexual experience without even having to "work" for it.
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I am going to a specialist because I have no sexual experience. I need the sexual experience in order to get one night stands. I have no other means of getting sexually active. One night stands will increase my sexual prowess, which is one facet of a relationship. I can't go into doing one night stands without some degree of sexual experience. I will get better at talking to women by seducing them into one night stands. I have also had many crushes on girls in college but I knew I wasn't good enough because I was only seen as a friend. I was seen as a friend to a lot of girls but I wasn't good enough for a sexual relationship. These girls weren't goddesses either. I stood alone in a sea of sexual and relationship activity and I often withdrew into depression to hide away from the tidal wave of feelings. Now that college is over, I missed my chance to have the easiest sex and/or relationships of my life. Girls aren't affected by guys as much anymore. I need to take matters into my own hands. This isn't the path I want to be on, but none of us choose our paths in life. Even when we do, there are forks in the road and twists and turns that throw us off. If a girl asks about me seeing a specialist, I would just tell her that I have had one night stands with several women. Because seeing a specialist - that's all it is. There are so many misconceptions in this post it's making me dizzy. First, if you want sex go online and make a profile saying you are looking for sex, you will get plenty of offers. You think women are idiot? You think we can't tell when a man approaches us that he just want sex? About you start by approaching women to date them before approaching them for sex. AND, if you got the vibe you aren't good enough for sex then change it! Hit the gym and change what ever is the problem. I have lost a **** load of weight to be sexy again why can't you hit the gym to be sexy!! Second, there is no good time or best time to be having casual sex. I have more wild sex today at 48 then in my 20s. Third, this thread is about approaching good looking woman to date them, not to have ONS with them. Fourth, it's a myth that good looking woman are hit on from left and right. Yes online because they ad themselves as being single, in real life rarely because men think a good looking woman like her must be taken.
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