Red123 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I have been doing pretty good for a few weeks and crashed hard today. My H has been very good with his end if things but I find myself really questioning everything today. This is a vent. I was thinking about time and all of the years we have been together 18 on July 1. I don't want to celebrate our anniversary because I feel the last year has not been worth celebrating. He started the A in august of 2013 but we were so bad as a couple for about six months before that so really this past year has been brutal. I felt like throwing in the towel today. Thinking about running from this pain that I can't believe is still so intense all these months later. As far as time goes is his 3.5 month A worth leaving 18 years of my life in the dust. Some would say yes. He is remorseful And is in no way still with the MOW so it's not about anything going on now but the pain. I think maybe I have crashed because we had to reschedule our MC twice and have to wait until next week to go, and I have been relying on it recently. Anyways just a vent thanks to anyone who reads or comments.
snappytomcat Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 dear red I think its normal,ive felt like this many times,ive been doing great,but on sunday I was feeling really down for some reason,as you know reconciling with someone who cheated on you,has got to be one of the hardest things,sometimes I think leaving would be easier,but we love each other,and have had a very good marriage,for the most part hang in there,im thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers 1
Author Red123 Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Thank you. Thinking of you too and hoping good things for you. 1
Trustnoone Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) Red123 I haven't read about your story I've only read this thread. I have been married to my WW for 19 years (total together 25). Our anniversary was in April, and we did a minor celebration. We are also in MC since September of 2013. Our MC had to cancel two consecutive weeks also. I hope and pray you do better handling this than I did. I became dangerously suicidal and was literally a few hours from taking my life. All aspects of dealing with the affair and R came together for a perfect storm. I remember sitting in the therapists office when the entire 13 months of how I felt came to light. It hit the therapist like a freight train and the shock in her voice was so relieving to me. I had opened up completely and had nothing left to hide. It was this point that began my turnaround. I don't like MC as I thought I should be stronger then this. I came to realize how much I depended on MC to survive each week. That MC was working for us as much as I hated that idea. The pain of infidelity is unmeasurable and is unbearable at times, but we push forward. Truthfully I wonder if there is a pain worse than infidelity. I can only say to you Red to hang in there and stay strong. Bad days happen to all of us yet we will overcome this adversity known as infidelity. Good luck to you. Edited June 25, 2014 by Trustnoone
waterwoman Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Hi red it was our 20th anniversary 4 months after dday. We had planned a bit of a do but finances wouldn't have permitted much anyway. As it happened when it was time to start thinking about it I couldn't face it - I had just begun to face some facts about his feelings for OW and I couldn't celebrate our marriage at that point. In another three years it will be our silver anniversary so maybe then.... if we are still together.
revelations Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Sorry to hear things are not going well for you Red123. Hmm, even a few years out I still have bad days. Thing is that I cannot just throw in the towel, I left my WW. Now yes I will say that it is easier for me to deal with the cheating because I left her. However the point is that either way it will still hurt. I was married for 15yrs, so it was no short term marriage or anything like that. The best thing that I did for myself was to start living a life without the WW. Yes this works for both married and divorced couples. However find a hobby or two and try to focus on that. For me video games was a great help, it forced me to focus on something else other than what I had lost. Oh and before you wonder, I am 43yrs old and yes still like video games. However by taking up a hobby or an activity like Tai Chi or yoga, learn a new language, by doing this it redirects you from thinking about the affair. It also has the benefit of improving your self-esteem which we all know takes a beating from cheating. My main point is to look after and be good to yourself. If you feel like throwing in the towel today, that is okay. Feel that way for now and then give it some time. See if you feel that way for days or weeks in a row back to back. Remember just because you feel like throwing in the towel today does not mean that you have to do that today. If throwing in the towel is a consistent thought then you may want to consider it. For some people cheating is a deal breaker. Now everyone that stays with a WS at one time or another will think they made the wrong choice by staying. This is why I say give it some time. However if you feel that you cannot live with it, their is no shame in leaving. After all you did give it your best shot. I do hope things improve for you. I know what the pain is like. These are just some of my suggestions to trudge through the pain. However if it makes you feel better, get drunk and pee in the drivers seat of his car or in one of his shoes *snicker*. Okay that may be a bit childish. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to treat yourself good. The pain that you feel is very real. However you also have the choice to either hang on to the pain or to let it go. So give yourself a break and be good to yourself. I wish you the best.. 2
gettingstronger Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 We all have bad days-full of doubt and pain and they are awful-it is so unfair to be put in this position due to the selfishness of the one person you loved and trusted more than anyone else- All I can say is that each day is a decision-you can decide at any time that you have had enough and move on or you can decide to get up and try again tomorrow- I wish I had the magic answer-but I don't- all I can offer you is understanding and hope that you heal and feel better about yourself, your marriage and your husband- Thinking of you- 1
Clay Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I am really sorry to hear you are having a difficult day. I hope your feeling better today. Clay
tornapart2002 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Rough week for me. So sorry you are having a rough time.
Spark1111 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 You know what? if you do not want to celebrate it then DON'T. It's not the affair, it is the lying that KILLS the soul. I get it. FBS here....make sure HE DOES. I loved my H enough to let him go if he felt he was better off elsewhere. But the lying about it? Deceiving me for 4 days, 4 months, 4 years? NO WAY. NO HOW. Don't throw 18 years away, but don't hide your feelings either. TELL HIM.
Author Red123 Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 Sorry to hear things are not going well for you Red123. Hmm, even a few years out I still have bad days. Thing is that I cannot just throw in the towel, I left my WW. Now yes I will say that it is easier for me to deal with the cheating because I left her. However the point is that either way it will still hurt. I was married for 15yrs, so it was no short term marriage or anything like that. The best thing that I did for myself was to start living a life without the WW. Yes this works for both married and divorced couples. However find a hobby or two and try to focus on that. For me video games was a great help, it forced me to focus on something else other than what I had lost. Oh and before you wonder, I am 43yrs old and yes still like video games. However by taking up a hobby or an activity like Tai Chi or yoga, learn a new language, by doing this it redirects you from thinking about the affair. It also has the benefit of improving your self-esteem which we all know takes a beating from cheating. My main point is to look after and be good to yourself. If you feel like throwing in the towel today, that is okay. Feel that way for now and then give it some time. See if you feel that way for days or weeks in a row back to back. Remember just because you feel like throwing in the towel today does not mean that you have to do that today. If throwing in the towel is a consistent thought then you may want to consider it. For some people cheating is a deal breaker. Now everyone that stays with a WS at one time or another will think they made the wrong choice by staying. This is why I say give it some time. However if you feel that you cannot live with it, their is no shame in leaving. After all you did give it your best shot. I do hope things improve for you. I know what the pain is like. These are just some of my suggestions to trudge through the pain. However if it makes you feel better, get drunk and pee in the drivers seat of his car or in one of his shoes *snicker*. Okay that may be a bit childish. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to treat yourself good. The pain that you feel is very real. However you also have the choice to either hang on to the pain or to let it go. So give yourself a break and be good to yourself. I wish you the best.. Maybe his shoe lol. We share a car:( 1
Author Red123 Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 Rough week for me. So sorry you are having a rough time. I'm sorry you are having a rough week. It's so hard.
Author Red123 Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 Thanks for all of the thoughtful and compassionate responses I really appreciate the support. I have told my H how i feel, I actually always do good bad and especially ugly as if lately. Sometimes I feel like I only talk to him about this and he is always just trying to make it better so I like to vent on here or ask LS users because I find a lot of different perspectives that I may not think of. So thanks to all of you for responding and I wish you well.
revelations Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Maybe his shoe lol. We share a car:( Oh yes, if you share the car, then the shoe is the best bet. Just remember that he has two of them. So if you fill up one move on to the next. 1
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