boyfriend has sex the night he breaks up with me... 2 days later he wants me back

[flwrz]

6 days ago, I suggested to my boyfriend of a year and a half that we should take a break (mainly because he was being kind of mean and going out every night, not really speaking to me the same way, etc.) He convinced me that we didn't need one and he was just being young (he's 21, i'm 20) and all kinds of stuff, I don't know, lately he's been acting like a different person. I have been working 10 hour days/ 5 days a week for the past month and a half and he's been kind of chillin around. Anyways, he told me he knows he has it good and all kinds of nice stuff so i was like, ok, we wont take a break, whatever.

 

THE VERY NEXT DAY, he calls me in tears saying we should break up because he doesn't want to be in a relationship and he's so young and he still loves me but basically, he wanted to live a faster life. This was a 5 minute long phone call.

 

So, i was heartbroken, really sad, he's my bestfriend, so it hurt. i was up all night, calling him, he wasnt picking up. The next day, he was supposed to go out of town, so i was calling him that day, trying to get him to sit down and talk to me. The only time he replied to me was to say he had already left.

 

the next day goes by, and at like 2 am i get a phone call from him, crying and telling me he's sorry and he had sex with a girl he had had sex with a few years back, the night we broke up. he told me her name, he tells me "we were just talking about life and it just happened" i'm sittin there like, how does having sex with a person 8 hours after you break up with your girlfriend of a year and a half JUST HAPPEN. But anyways. he says he wants to make things work with me still and says he really was just trying to convince himself he could be this "player" because he's young, but really thats not who he is, he wants me and a family someday and he really doesnt love himself and all kinds of weird stuff, but i was in an emotional spot so i was crying right there with him.

 

that happened two days ago and today we've been talking like buddies and all that and i feel stupid because i told him we could make it work out, it would just take a while. he's still out of town till next week, but i want to sit down with him and discuss what happened. i've already asked a few questions, but i cant get the image of him and this girl having sex out of my head. like i really didnt think he would do that to me, i gave him alot of space and trust before because i'm not very clingy, but now, idk if i can trust him like that anymore. And i dont want to be clingy/dependent so this is a delimma.

 

idk, i'm having a hard time deciding what to do about this. I really do love him, I wish he hadn't done it, and i know he wishes he hadn't either, but its been a 5 day period where he's changed his mind about our relationship 3 times and i dont know if he'll feel any sort of way about me tomorrow even. i know it's in the past and i wanna move on from it, but i just feel so sad that he even had the ability to have sex with someone the day we broke up.

 

sorry this is so long, i just need to be thourough with this because i need help. i dont know how this relationship will work if everytime i look at him, i get sick bc he had sex with someone else. what rules should i set? how long should i wait before we have sex again (he used a condom with her, but still, its so gross that it even happened ew ) he said he hasnt spoken to her since, but he has alot of other female friends and idk if i can even trust him around them anymore.

[orangetree]

Dump his sorry ass and go NC. That's the only way to go, believe me.

 

This guy is not only 21, he's even saying himself that he's a player and that he wants a faster life. Only because he seemed to have changed his mind 2(!) days later doesn't mean he really did. He misses you and feels lonely and confused and that's why he comes back to you crying. He doesn't know at all what he wants and slept with another girl hours(!!!) after your break up. What does that say about him? A lot. He doesn't care about your feelings and he's not as attached to you as you would like him to be. Furthermore, he already didn't treat you really nice before you broke up. I see huge red flags everywhere. He's not going to change. Please let him go, go NC and find someone who's more mature.

[Elle1975]

Waste of time. He's right about one thing, you're young. Enjoy your summer single.

[Smarty Pants]

Kick him to the curb

[Omei]

You were heartbroken because he gave thought about the idea of your proposal to break up orginally? You told him this is what you wanted.

 

One of the best tips you can know in a relationship is do not start the breakup game those words should never leave your mouth unless you're dead serious.

 

When you leave someone they are NO LONGER bound to you in any way and people can have sex with who they like, it may hurt its so soon but that's unfortunate for you, you left he was free at that time to do and go as he pleases you have no right to hold that against him.

 

This is exactly why you shouldn't break up with someone unless you know its what you want.

Edited June 25, 2014 by Omei

[Omei]

Ps people that usually have sex right after break ups are hurting and looking for a rebound to fill in the rejection after they get dumped.

 

Don't play the dumping game.