BluFish Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I’ve recently starting online dating. Last weekend I had dinner with a guy who seems really nice and we had a genuinely good time. When we parted ways he said he’d text me and I said that was fine. There were no initial sparks for me, but I figured a second date couldn’t hurt. Later that night, I realized I can’t see myself dating him. I’m just not physically attracted to him, but we do get along well. Now he’s asking me what I’d like to do on our next date. And here’s where I’m not totally sure what to do. I don’t want to lead him on, but at the same time, I’d like to somehow maintain the friendship. I was thinking of suggesting a group event where I can bring my friends and he can bring his (he mentioned he has a bunch of male friends). That way it’s not a formal date and I can get to know some other guys in the area. But I can’t shake the feeling that may look a little trashy – inviting him and his friends with the intention of seeing if I hit it off with one of them - all the while knowing I’m not interested in him. And if I do have a connection with one of them, it may not look good if I start flirting – especially if he’s told them we’re ‘dating’... Or is that just the way it is? What do you guys think?* It’s only been one date, but would that be selfish of me?
TXGuy Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I think it would be a pretty crappy thing to do without disclosure. It would be fine if you told him up front he wasn't your type and you wanted to sample his friends. In return, you would supply him with a sample of your girlfriends. Well, that sounds sketchy too, but not nearly as bad as your 'surprise' hijacking of his social circle. 6
stillafool Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 How would you like it if a guy you were interested in just used you to meet your friends that he might want to date? Tacky, really, really tacky. Can't you and your girlfriends meet men on your own? 4
Author BluFish Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 So I'm guessing my best course of action is a "thanks, but no thanks?".
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 So I'm guessing my best course of action is a "thanks, but no thanks?". Bingo. Don't lead this guy on. Go out on your own and meet men; don't use him and play games with his head. What would make you think this is a good idea?
Miss Awesome Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Yes, it would be selfish of you. And speaking from experience, even if he agrees to simply be your friend, he will secretly be hoping something more will come of it. He obviously wants to go on another date with you, meaning he has some kind of romantic interest in you, and that's not going to go away just because you tell him you're not interested.
HappyLove Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Anytime you can't decide if something is right just turn it around and imagine him doing it to you. Say you went on a date with a great guy, you can't wait until the next date and he suggests meeting you and your friends so he can hopefully hook up with one of your gf's, while you were there just looking stupid. Not nice.
Author BluFish Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 So what's the kindest way to let him know I'm not interested? I'm thinking going on the date would be hurtful and misleading.
Keenly Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If you tell him and he is okay with it, sure. If you do it right under his nose without knowing, that would make you, and any friend who would steal a friends date, terrible people. 2
HappyLove Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 So what's the kindest way to let him know I'm not interested? I'm thinking going on the date would be hurtful and misleading. Call him up and say something like, 'hey I think you're a great guy but I don't feel we are a match and don't want to lead you on'. I would personally like to receive a message like that so there could be some type of closure. If you can't bare to call at the very least text it. It doesn't need to be a long and dragged out thing.
Assasda Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I’ve recently starting online dating. Last weekend I had dinner with a guy who seems really nice and we had a genuinely good time. When we parted ways he said he’d text me and I said that was fine. There were no initial sparks for me, but I figured a second date couldn’t hurt. Later that night, I realized I can’t see myself dating him. I’m just not physically attracted to him, but we do get along well. Now he’s asking me what I’d like to do on our next date. And here’s where I’m not totally sure what to do. I don’t want to lead him on, but at the same time, I’d like to somehow maintain the friendship. I was thinking of suggesting a group event where I can bring my friends and he can bring his (he mentioned he has a bunch of male friends). That way it’s not a formal date and I can get to know some other guys in the area. But I can’t shake the feeling that may look a little trashy – inviting him and his friends with the intention of seeing if I hit it off with one of them - all the while knowing I’m not interested in him. And if I do have a connection with one of them, it may not look good if I start flirting – especially if he’s told them we’re ‘dating’... Or is that just the way it is? What do you guys think?* It’s only been one date, but would that be selfish of me? I say you do it. Gotta look out for A- number 1. Its a dog eat dog world, and all the rest. You'll go out with this guy, he'll get to know what type of girl you truely are, instead of you just blowin ghim off, then he'll feel much better about the situation when he kicks you to the curb - in the long run
PegNosePete Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Don't do it. Likely he will tell his friends that you're his date. Then when you start cracking onto them, they will think you're a... you know what. And if they accept your advances, what will he think of them as friends, stealing his date? Either way, it doesn't end well for you. This is exactly what people mean when they say they hate drama! Don't be the cause of drama. So what's the kindest way to let him know I'm not interested? After just one date, a simple text message. "Thanks for a good time, but I don't feel we are a good romantic match. Good luck in your search"
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I think you can tell him you'd like to be friends (but realize that sounds like a line) but that you see no romantic interest. However, if you pitch it right you can mention the potential for a group get together especially if you have a female friend who might be good for him. I'd ask . . . throw the idea out there, after you disclose to him that you have no romantic interests. The worst he can do is say no thank you.
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