BurnedAndLost Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 About two years ago I found out my partner was cheating. It was with an 18 year old girl. He had unprotected sex with her several times. After a few months she found out she was pregnant ( not his ) and according to my partner she never said anything about having any diseases or anything. She was also in a long term committed relationship at the time of the cheating... I know I should have gotten tested a long time ago, but I honestly didn't really think about it until now... I'm too afraid to get tested, and honestly, I think I would rather die that live with a chronic disease like HIV/Aids...
drifter777 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If you won't get tested then you just have to live with the fear. 2
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 About two years ago I found out my partner was cheating. It was with an 18 year old girl. He had unprotected sex with her several times. After a few months she found out she was pregnant ( not his ) and according to my partner she never said anything about having any diseases or anything. She was also in a long term committed relationship at the time of the cheating... I know I should have gotten tested a long time ago, but I honestly didn't really think about it until now... I'm too afraid to get tested, and honestly, I think I would rather die that live with a chronic disease like HIV/Aids... There's a small chance, just like there's a chance you have another type of STD. Please go get checked, not knowing for sure will always be in the back of mind.
CarrieT Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I'm too afraid to get tested. I'm sorry but that is just stupid. I think I would rather die that live with a chronic disease like HIV/Aids... And so is this sort of thinking... Don't you realize that HIV/AIDS is completely survivable and not the death-sentence it was 30-years ago? Why so dramatic about "would rather die" etc...??? :rolleyes: 4
Author BurnedAndLost Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 I'm sorry but that is just stupid. And so is this sort of thinking... Don't you realize that HIV/AIDS is completely survivable and not the death-sentence it was 30-years ago? Why so dramatic about "would rather die" etc...??? :rolleyes: I never said its a death sentence. I don't want do live with a chronic illness nor with the stigma of it...
Author BurnedAndLost Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) I never said its a death sentence. I don't want do live with a chronic illness nor with the stigma of it... He Is also refusing to get tested with me. He thinks I am being paranoid over nothing ( I do suffer from health anxiety ). It's really putting A strain on things again, and we have been doing good since my last post... until this thought popped into my head. Edited June 25, 2014 by BurnedAndLost
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 He Is also refusing to get tested with me. He thinks I am being paranoid over nothing ( I do suffer from health anxiety ). It's really putting A strain on things again, and we have been doing good since my last post... until this thought popped into my head. You both should have been tested from the get go! Especially him. Why is he refusing? If he is clean, then he should just take the test anyway to ease your mind. 1
TiredFamilyGuy Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Absent specific symptoms you are likely healthy. Of course, of course you must get tested. Of course your anxiety is playing you. Doesn't matter - get tested. Then, afterwards, consider the source of anxiety. Are you angry and wanting to remind yourself and your H? Are you afraid he will do it again? Did you rug sweep at the time and not fully process the affair? Consider. 1
carhill Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 OP, my sympathies regarding your circumstances; IMO, the sooner you have full knowledge of your STD status, the sooner you can move on, whether that be knowing you're clear or receiving any appropriate treatments. Regarding BF not getting tested, IMO no person, no one, is as important as your personal health. Face your anxiety, get help with it if necessary, and do what you need to do to preserve your life and health. If he's not on board with that, then you have a decision to make about him as a healthy partner. 2
CarrieT Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I never said its a death sentence. I don't want do live with a chronic illness nor with the stigma of it... But death is preferable? I don't get that kind of logic. And what stigma is there with having a life-threatening disease that is so bad to prefer non-existence?
oldshirt Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Your partner is correct you are paranoid. And you are also correct in that you have some kind of anxiety disorder in regards to health. There are so many things wrong with this it's too long to list them all. Let's just say you are way off base here and not looking at things realistically at all. If you have concerns about STDs, get tested and find out. Then get treated for your disorders. It's gotta be easier to live with properly treated and managed HIV than it is to live with an irrational and dysfunctional fear of it. 4
violet1 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 About two years ago I found out my partner was cheating. It was with an 18 year old girl. He had unprotected sex with her several times. After a few months she found out she was pregnant ( not his ) and according to my partner she never said anything about having any diseases or anything. She was also in a long term committed relationship at the time of the cheating... I know I should have gotten tested a long time ago, but I honestly didn't really think about it until now... I'm too afraid to get tested, and honestly, I think I would rather die that live with a chronic disease like HIV/Aids... Has there been rumors that she has HIV? What's brought on this sudden fear? It's a given, if your partner cheats go get tested. There's nothing to be ashamed about. There's free std clinics that are anonymous. I used to get tested twice per year when I was single. I also got tested before and after my affair.
KathyM Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Get tested, and have your partner get tested, and that should put your mind at ease if the tests come back negative. Only one way to find out for sure, and that is to get tested. Some people with an anxiety disorder do avoid necessary doctors appointments and necessary medical tests and procedures because they are afraid of what might be discovered, and they prefer to live with not knowing. Somehow, to them, not knowing is better than finding out something negative, as if not knowing will make it not there. But this means that if there is something, it is not getting treated and could become worse. Some STDs don't have symptoms and can go undetected until the disease has progressed. Don't let your fear to prevent you from getting necessary tests done and necessary medical check ups and procedures. By getting tested and getting the necessary medical checkups/procedures, you will be easing your fears by taking good care of your physical health. If taking these tests don't ease your fears, then seek counseling to work on your anxiety issues. I know a woman who hasn't been to see a doctor for 20 years because she would prefer to not know if something was wrong. She has an anxiety disorder. If you have this pattern of thinking, you should be getting therapy to overcome this. In the meantime, go to get tested for STDs and have your partner do the same. 1
Clay Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I hope you get tested. I think if you are still with him I would consider leaving. I personally never recommend for staying with a cheater. The chances they will stop there behavior are very slim. Even if you fix things your always going to wonder what there doing and when things are down again it really puts a serious strain on the relationship wondering who they are with now. Sorry you are going through this. Clay 1
Author BurnedAndLost Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Has there been rumors that she has HIV? What's brought on this sudden fear? It's a given, if your partner cheats go get tested. There's nothing to be ashamed about. There's free std clinics that are anonymous. I used to get tested twice per year when I was single. I also got tested before and after my affair. There has been no rumors of her having HIV. She was young... 18 or 19 so she might have not even had many partners at that point. Plus she had been in a long term relationship then. My fear come out of nowhere. I suffer from health anxiety and there is always something I am afraid of having something and usually there is no reason behind it... I actually had this fear for years when I first started dating him... I finally got tested when I got pregnant and of course, I was negative.
sidney2718 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I never said its a death sentence. I don't want do live with a chronic illness nor with the stigma of it... I understand that. But think: if you have it, you have it. And others will eventually find out. So you will be living with it and the stigma of it anyway. But if you don't have it, you can breathe freely and spend some time thinking about how this situation came about and what you might do about it.
Miss Awesome Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I never said its a death sentence. I don't want do live with a chronic illness nor with the stigma of it... First of all, if you have a chronic illness, you have to live with it whether you know about it or not. Chronic illness doesn't just go away because we choose to remain ignorant to it. In fact, it becomes harder to live with when one ignores it instead of treating it. Second, which would you rather do - live with the stigma of a chronic illness or live with the guilt that will come from knowing that you may have passed this along to someone else because you chose not to be tested? The reality is that it's very unlikely you have HIV/AIDS. My ex cheated on me with literally any female who would have him, and he didn't give me HIV/AIDS. But the bottom line is that it's irresponsible of you not to get tested. 1
painfullyobvious Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 You can usually get tested annonamously at public health or human services. The earlier you get tested the better in case you have something treatable. I went through this myself after my ex cheated. I waited for awhile to get tested but glad I did. I have told this story before but I got tested waited for the results only to learn I the sticker on my cheeck swab had fallen off my vial. What are the chances of this happening? I had to get retested and was clean. The peace of mind was worth the anxiety. My ex hated thatI got tested because it insinuated she was dirty. Yeah if the shoe fits. It was important to me to know if I was healthy. After I was tested and given a clean bill of health I was able to really reflect on the relationship. She not only cheated but put my health at risk. It sounds stupid but I was upset at the affair and livid that she cheated and had unprotected sex.
MadJackBird Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Get tested for your piece of mind. I agree with the poster that HIV is not what it once was. Modern Medicines mean people can live a long and full life. The stigma behind it is much of the problem, but other STDs are just as much of a problem if not more.
redtail Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 He Is also refusing to get tested with me. He thinks I am being paranoid over nothing ( I do suffer from health anxiety ). It's really putting A strain on things again, and we have been doing good since my last post... until this thought popped into my head. I got tested years ago when my (ex)wife was cheating, the other guy was a bisexual and (in my opinion) a dirt bag. So it wasn't for anybody else, it was for my own peace of mind. I was clean and then, of course, my wife and I divorced immediately. I hope your plans are similar.
amaysngrace Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Who waits two years to think about STDs? Not somebody with paranoia...that's for sure.... That'd be the first thing I'd be thinking about as soon as he tried to stick his dick in me. And I'd make sure he got tested before he'd ever be able to again.
peaksandvalleys Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Sadly, I understand how you feel. Please take care of yourself.
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