Monopoly Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hi guys, My ex and I met on a forum about our favourite band. Unfortunately, we still both are there. I mean, I blocked her from FB and other networks but obviously I can't make her stop being on this website. And every time she writes something, unfortunately I see it and I suppose it's the same for her. Every time I see a sentence from her, it makes me angry (I'm the dumpee). What should I do? Should I stop writing on this website even if I enjoy it? I'm NC for about more than 5 months.
CarrieT Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Is this particular band's website your ONLY hobby and interest? If so, sounds like a pretty limited life... Yeah, I'd stop posting there unit you are 100% over her and find another outlet for your interests.
carhill Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Does the forum have an ignore list like LS does? There are also browser scripts which can totally obliterate an ignored username from visibility so you won't see her at all, except in quoted posts if you happen to read them. My exW and I had similar issues, though we didn't meet in such a manner and I found by shifting gears to other interests for awhile, the 'sting' of the memory reminders lessened and over time it became a non-issue. What changed was how I processed things.
Author Monopoly Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Is this particular band's website your ONLY hobby and interest? If so, sounds like a pretty limited life... Yeah, I'd stop posting there unit you are 100% over her and find another outlet for your interests. It's not my only hobby or interest, I just find myself going there when I'm on the internet, it has different sections, not just about the band so I can write about different things I can stay for only 5 minutes there, it's not so much about limited life or spending a whole day. Does the forum have an ignore list like LS does? There are also browser scripts which can totally obliterate an ignored username from visibility so you won't see her at all, except in quoted posts if you happen to read them. My exW and I had similar issues, though we didn't meet in such a manner and I found by shifting gears to other interests for awhile, the 'sting' of the memory reminders lessened and over time it became a non-issue. What changed was how I processed things. I'll check if there is an ignore list, I never had to use it so I never cared actually. Deep inside, I feel I have to leave this place though, it triggers the memories of where we talked first etc.
carhill Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I'll check if there is an ignore list, I never had to use it so I never cared actually. Deep inside, I feel I have to leave this place though, it triggers the memories of where we talked first etc. IMO, go with what works for you. You can change your mind at any time. Things will settle out and you'll be able to enjoy this hobby interaction as before again, even with the ex being 'around'. If you feel you'll get triggered, and considering you're the dumpee here, I'd suggest using the ignore list and/or cutting off PM notifications in e-mail simply to prevent her from ever reaching out or doing the 'breadcrumb' acts of either manipulation or 'second thoughts'. Stay firm in your choices and move forward.
Author Monopoly Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 IMO, go with what works for you. You can change your mind at any time. Things will settle out and you'll be able to enjoy this hobby interaction as before again, even with the ex being 'around'. If you feel you'll get triggered, and considering you're the dumpee here, I'd suggest using the ignore list and/or cutting off PM notifications in e-mail simply to prevent her from ever reaching out or doing the 'breadcrumb' acts of either manipulation or 'second thoughts'. Stay firm in your choices and move forward. I will definitely give the ignore list a try. And if I feel it's not enough, I'll take a break from this place. Thank you carhill.
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