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I am NOT crazy

longjourney

By longjourney
in Infidelity

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longjourney Established Member

longjourney

Posted
Posted

The below is a quoted reply from a previous post of mine. It SCREAMED to me.

"No, you aren't married to a simpleton, you are married to a man. Okay, we can debate that little(LARGE) issue, but men like nice looking women who are good in bed. It is no secret.

 

At some point you are going to have to wrap your head around the FACT that you aren't his dream girl. You never will be... ever. He's found someone that gets his game on and it isn't you.

 

Why are you clinging to this? He has told you she is prettier, she rocks him in bed. WTF are you hoping to salvage? Those feeling from your husband are NEVER EVER going to go away. He landed his catch... on the side.

 

Stop torturing yourself. It is never going to work."

END QUOTE

 

 

I copied the above from a response to my previous post. That is exactly it. I do know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I am not my WH's "dream girl", obviously I never was since I was his second choice on our wedding day. Little did I know OW would ever become an option for him again. I was in a competition I didn't know I signed up for. But honestly was it ever a competition??? She has his mind, body and heart.

 

 

Yes he would stay if I allowed him. He would make it work, but it would be ONLY for our family, for our child, to keep our family in tact. How can ANYONE on this forum even possibly believe for even one single second that anyone who has had an LTA FOR YEARS!!!, especially with my WH's circumstances of having had feelings for her even before he knew me EVER think that his feelings for her would just cease to exist and I would suddenly MAGICALLY be the girl of his dreams. That is simply DILLUSIONAL thinking. Anyone who does believe that is CRAZY. I refuse to live in denial, not even for our child.

  • Like 3
Appreciate Established Member

Appreciate

Posted
Posted

Sounds like progress, if a bit manic.

 

Have you seen a lawyer yet?

jnel921 Established Member

jnel921

Posted
Posted

At some point you will have to let this go. He said hurtful things and his heart was not in the right place apparently when you both married. Staying together will only make it worse.

 

You deserve happiness with someone who will inspire you to rock their world in the bedroom. This man doesn't deserve that nor should you care.

 

I beleive the man upstairs has someone that is right for all of us. Once you let it go and slam that door, the new one may just open up.

 

Keep positive.

  • Like 1
gettingstronger Established Member

gettingstronger

Posted
Posted

I am sorry that someone with such a warped sense of reality is making you feel badly- affairs are not about looks and sex-they are about selfishness and the ability to betray-

 

For our situation- our OW just felt she was so much better than me in the looks and sex departments- and maybe on those days when she was willing to look at her kids and lie to say she was going away for a few days to meet with clients and then was able to get all done up in a hotel room away from family life she did look better than me- who on those days was doing right by my family by being honest and taking care of them-yes, on those days I would shower quick and get ready to go- not like I could be "date ready" every time my husband sees me-

 

You can not compare the two- one is honest and real and the other is built on lies and does not take in to account what you "should" be doing- yeah, hotel room sex without the threat of the kids waking up, hearing you or needing something can be a lot more freeing BUT- it takes a whole lot of letting your integrity slip to be able to do that-

 

You are not crazy-your husband is in denial-he is not treating you well or looking at the situation fairly-

 

I hope you are getting stronger and feeling a little better each day-

 

Perspective is everything-remember the context of affair relationships compared to marriages-if you can live without integrity than yes, affairs look pretty darn good, but really- I'd rather have my integrity- warts and all-

  • Like 3
fellini Established Member

fellini

Posted
Posted

Okay but I think there is a huge difference between that response and yours.

I think yours is more accurate.

 

The poster was imagining that he found a dream girl and you are not it. This is absurd. The issue is obviously that your man was always and never stopped being interested in this OW. In fact, like you, I would say it is a LTR not an affair. Yes, you could have been his "dream girl", perhaps, if he had resolved and found closure on his previous relationship, which it seems (I haven't read beyond what you put here) he has not done. He has probably been pining for this woman since go, and you are the victim of his bad choices on how to resolve his own relationship issues.

 

It has nothing to do with LOOKS and it certainly has NOTHING TO DO WITH "Rocking you in bed". I have had many relationships, and what I do not do is compare past and present in either of these ways: that is the sign of immaturity. It is our love for another person that makes them beautiful in our eyes, and our desire to be with them is what rocks our world.

 

If he is comparing you to another, it's because he CAN. It's because he is a total dick. He is treating BOTH of you as objects. HIS OBJECTS.

 

He sees one of you as his Ferrari and the other as a Family minivan. This is not your problem, unless you make continue to make it yours.

 

 

 

The below is a quoted reply from a previous post of mine. It SCREAMED to me.

"No, you aren't married to a simpleton, you are married to a man. Okay, we can debate that little(LARGE) issue, but men like nice looking women who are good in bed. It is no secret.

 

At some point you are going to have to wrap your head around the FACT that you aren't his dream girl. You never will be... ever. He's found someone that gets his game on and it isn't you.

 

Why are you clinging to this? He has told you she is prettier, she rocks him in bed. WTF are you hoping to salvage? Those feeling from your husband are NEVER EVER going to go away. He landed his catch... on the side.

 

Stop torturing yourself. It is never going to work."

END QUOTE

 

 

I copied the above from a response to my previous post. That is exactly it. I do know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I am not my WH's "dream girl", obviously I never was since I was his second choice on our wedding day. Little did I know OW would ever become an option for him again. I was in a competition I didn't know I signed up for. But honestly was it ever a competition??? She has his mind, body and heart.

 

 

Yes he would stay if I allowed him. He would make it work, but it would be ONLY for our family, for our child, to keep our family in tact. How can ANYONE on this forum even possibly believe for even one single second that anyone who has had an LTA FOR YEARS!!!, especially with my WH's circumstances of having had feelings for her even before he knew me EVER think that his feelings for her would just cease to exist and I would suddenly MAGICALLY be the girl of his dreams. That is simply DILLUSIONAL thinking. Anyone who does believe that is CRAZY. I refuse to live in denial, not even for our child.

  • Like 6
violet1 Established Member

violet1

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't always agree with Fellini, but I think he's right. Your H should have never married you if he had unresolved feelings for another woman. You need to stop comparing yourself to the MOW. It's not healthy. His cheating had nothing to do with your looks. He's a broken individual and YOU deserve better. Let him have her because after the wreckage the two of them have caused, I can guarantee that their relationship will NOT be rainbows and roses. You never had the chance to be his "dream girl". This is not your fault and nothing to do with you. Keep your head up high and file for divorce. Your H is a complete A hole for putting you through a false marriage.

Edited by violet1
  • Like 3
Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted (edited)

Those comments were based on all of the information longjourney has posted over the past several months. While obviously not the most eloquently stated, I stand by them in her case. Her husband had a relationship with this woman before their marriage, and continued this relationship throughout her marriage. After getting busted he still continued it. Could still be going on today.

 

My bottom line was that she needs to get out of this situation.

 

There are many men out there for longjourney who will treat her far better than the current occupant who calls himself her husband.

Edited by Realist3
  • Like 1
William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted (edited)

We'll close this pending an alert with a correctly linked citation, per policy, in the starting post, for attribution and context, and then process the thread, as it's possible that it belongs in a different thread, per our rules on similar topics. Thanks for the responses!

Edited by William
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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