sppk33 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I found out with a 1 day notice that I would have to cover someones night shift the next day. I let my gf know ASAP and she got MADLY PISSED and threatens me to leave or tells me to leave because she is irate. I am a nurse and sometimes each month I have to work 3-5 night shifts per month. This is part of my job, I dont even have one year of experience yet because I just finished school almost a year ago. Once I get more experience I wont have to work nights any more and will get a day shift job that she wants. She works days, and I usually work more evening shifts than day shifts. She always gives me total hell when I let her know my schedule about the night shifts. This is what she did previously in the many fights she had with me working nights: she will lock me out of our room, lock me out of the house, ignore me for a week,threaten suicide, break up with me. We been together for 1 year and known each other for about 10 years. She wanted me to marry her. The thing she cant stand about me is when I have to work nights because she is needy and scared to be home alone at night. She has a kid who calls me dad sometimes even though her daughter has a dad who she sees more than me and my g/f. Her kid loves me and always asks about me. I think it is not acceptable to do this to me. Is this not acceptable to you also? She is being selfish, and not understanding. Who would throw away a relationship with a kid involved because you have to work some night shifts. This is just temporary and I told her that but she is impatient. She even told me to quit my job or she would leave me once and actually broke up with me once for working nights. Someone told me this; "You are a true man because you raised and took in a kid who is not even biologically yours." You shouldnt be treated like this, Your girlfriend should be down for you like you are for her" 1
central Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Her behavior is selfish, immature, unreasonable, and unacceptable. Tell her so, and tell her that you expect better, else she's history. 6
PegNosePete Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 How long have you been working nights? Is it a new thing, or was she aware of this when the relationship started? threaten suicide Oh hang on just spotted this. What?!?!? That is totally wrong. She is unstable dude. You need to get her some help.
Zahara Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I think it is not acceptable to do this to me. Is this not acceptable to you also? Emotional and mental abuse is never acceptable. I'm not sure why you stand for this but it has to speak highly of your level of self-esteem and respect for yourself. She is abusive, emotionally manipulative, toxic and mentally unhealthy. Who would throw away a relationship with a kid involved because you have to work some night shifts. Leave the child out of this. You are not her father. She has a father that is present in her life. The child doesn't bear weight in terms of you deciding if abuse should be tolerated. You've done a noble thing by caring for her, but at the end of the day, it shouldn't be what keeps you in a relationship that diminishes and emasculates you. 1
Keenly Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Just wait until this childish behavior bleeds over into other aspects of your relationship. That should be a real FUN time. 1
SoleMate Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 G/F giving me hell for working nights, is this is unacceptable? It is totally up to you what you choose to accept, or not accept.
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If her irrational behavior stems from her fear of being home alone at night invest in an alarm system or get a dog.
StumpyNB Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Dude.. Seriously? Run far... Run Fast... Don't look back, she'll probably be holding a knife. GTFO! 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If her irrational behavior stems from her fear of being home alone at night invest in an alarm system or get a dog. It's one thing to be afraid; she should simply express it, and, as you said, get an alarm. Her reaction is over the top. Locking him out of the house? OP, does she gets this upset about other things? Pull the same threatening act? If so, read up on BPD, you're a nurse, you know the drill. Your intention is right at the moment (eventually getting off nights) but I'll tell you, later in life, if push comes to shove, you could be back on them (I am, thru no fault of my own). You need to nip this behavior in the bud. Next time she kicks you out, go and don't come back. 1
Assasda Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 OP why are you whining about this? You are the one that's the doormat. If you didnt allow yourself to be treated this way, then she simply wouldnt teat you think way. I take it that you came here for the "victim sympathy" posts. Being a man means standing up for youself, and if you have no respect for yourself, you GF will have no respect for you. If that means that you have to leave her to get your respect. So be it. But stop whining, and take control 1
Author sppk33 Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 OP why are you whining about this? You are the one that's the doormat. If you didnt allow yourself to be treated this way, then she simply wouldnt teat you think way. I take it that you came here for the "victim sympathy" posts. Being a man means standing up for youself, and if you have no respect for yourself, you GF will have no respect for you. If that means that you have to leave her to get your respect. So be it. But stop whining, and take control Assada- I came here to ask if this was acceptable or not. I really didnt know if this was acceptable or not for her to act like this because I heard of marriages getting in divorce due to the significant other working a different shift. I also seen many online websites about failed marriages and relationships due to someone having different shifts and not seeing someone enough. My rationale was this; if you truly love someone then you would put up with there shift because it was only temporary. I wanted to ask that to see what your opinions were.
Elle1975 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I found out with a 1 day notice that I would have to cover someones night shift the next day. I let my gf know ASAP and she got MADLY PISSED and threatens me to leave or tells me to leave because she is irate. I am a nurse and sometimes each month I have to work 3-5 night shifts per month. This is part of my job, I dont even have one year of experience yet because I just finished school almost a year ago. Once I get more experience I wont have to work nights any more and will get a day shift job that she wants. She works days, and I usually work more evening shifts than day shifts. She always gives me total hell when I let her know my schedule about the night shifts. This is what she did previously in the many fights she had with me working nights: she will lock me out of our room, lock me out of the house, ignore me for a week,threaten suicide, break up with me. We been together for 1 year and known each other for about 10 years. She wanted me to marry her. The thing she cant stand about me is when I have to work nights because she is needy and scared to be home alone at night. She has a kid who calls me dad sometimes even though her daughter has a dad who she sees more than me and my g/f. Her kid loves me and always asks about me. I think it is not acceptable to do this to me. Is this not acceptable to you also? She is being selfish, and not understanding. Who would throw away a relationship with a kid involved because you have to work some night shifts. This is just temporary and I told her that but she is impatient. She even told me to quit my job or she would leave me once and actually broke up with me once for working nights. Someone told me this; "You are a true man because you raised and took in a kid who is not even biologically yours." You shouldnt be treated like this, Your girlfriend should be down for you like you are for her" No, it's not acceptable. I would have no problem dating someone who might be on call at times or called into work to cover someone's shift. She really need to grow the hell up, and count her blessings..
Zahara Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) Assada- I came here to ask if this was acceptable or not. I really didnt know if this was acceptable or not for her to act like this because I heard of marriages getting in divorce due to the significant other working a different shift. I also seen many online websites about failed marriages and relationships due to someone having different shifts and not seeing someone enough. My rationale was this; if you truly love someone then you would put up with there shift because it was only temporary. I wanted to ask that to see what your opinions were. Two separate issues. Two people going through the stress of work and it affecting their marriage VERSUS YOU being emotionally and mentally abused and manipulated. Regardless of your work shift, no one should treat you this way for any reason. Edited June 24, 2014 by Zahara 1
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I re-read the orginal post. If she is just scared of being alone, my original advice stands: An alarm or a dog. Her behavior indicates that it's more than just fear. Her hystrionics are ridiculous. She threatened suicide because you work over time? You are in healthcare, right? Have her involuntarily committed as being a danger to herself or others next time she pulls this nonesense. Loving somebody does mean putting up with their idiosyncrasies. Mine include preferring pepsi to coke & having a preferred side of the bed. Her tantrums are over the top & you have the right -- maybe even the obligation to her children's safety -- to help her calm down & behave like a sane person. 1
Madman81 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Unacceptable. She's asking you to make a ridiculous choice between your career (which she knew you had before she got into a relationship with you, and in which you invested a lot of time, effort and money) and her. It's not as though you're spending these night out drinking with friends (which, BTW, should be perfectly acceptable from time to time); you're doing this in order to put food on the table. She needs counseling to deal with HER PROBLEM. You need to tell her to get that counseling. Oh, and as to her threat to leave you if you work nights? Tell her simply that you are not going to have an ultimatum put to you. It won't solve the problem, but it will categorically reject what's basically an emotional terrorist tactic.
carhill Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I think it is not acceptable to do this to me. Is this not acceptable to you also? "I feel unappreciated and this is unacceptable to me" Then listen to how your vulnerability is processed and decide next steps after listening. Nursing is a tough career, especially the ever-changing and odd hours. An understanding and supportive partner is paramount. Is this the one? See how it goes.
BlueIris Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) Assada- I came here to ask if this was acceptable or not. I really didnt know if this was acceptable or not for her to act like this because I heard of marriages getting in divorce due to the significant other working a different shift. I also seen many online websites about failed marriages and relationships due to someone having different shifts and not seeing someone enough. My rationale was this; if you truly love someone then you would put up with there shift because it was only temporary. I wanted to ask that to see what your opinions were. It's unacceptable. Destructive, actually. Good partners support and facilitate your growth and success. Without apology or equivocation, tell her that this is your career, and if she can't tolerate that, you'd completely understand it if she decided to leave. I would not discuss it with her and if she gets fussy about it, I'd tell her that she can think it through. Really, you have to protect your own life and success in or out of a relationship. Edited June 24, 2014 by BlueIris 3
regine_phalange Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 You seem like a very nice boyfriend. I can't believe she wants to breakup with you because you are just going to work! That's unheard of. She is very selfish and unstable. You don't know how to get out. There is only one way to get out, and it's done by getting out.
carhill Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 thanks i dont know how to get out That part's easy. Look at Craigslist. Contact landlord. Bla, bla, back U-haul up. Load. Leave. Done. Save any other machinations for later. Worried about his and hers? Don't be. Seen enough houses cleaned out by women before any divorce papers were served to understand how that works. Do what you want to do. She can't legally kill you so just do what you want to do. That's it. The turning point for me was launching the lawn mower out the back of the pickup. That was when I started to care less. After that, it was easy. You'll figure it out. 1
thekid36 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 thanks i dont know how to get out Feet seem to work just fine. You do realize that you deserve more than this, yes?
MoreCoffee Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 How about, "I've just spoken with 300+ strangers and they all agree you treat me like dirt, so I've decided we're done. How much time do you need to get your ****?" 1
Author sppk33 Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) Im afraid if i leave i will regret it and she will manipulate me and if i want her back she will give me hell and not take me back. She told me if i walk out on her she will never take me back. I did once already and she took me back after a week of trying. She told me awhile back shes going through tough times and she wont be like this after a year or so ( shes in school and works full time ) She sincerely apologized to me a couple weeks ago when she had a moodswing over nothing with me and said shes trying to work on this and she will change and shes lucky to have me and i dont deserve to be treated like that Edited June 24, 2014 by sppk33
BlueIris Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Like Carhill said. But being an optimist, I don’t see why you have to get out YET. Tell her that it’s your career, there is no choice about whether you’re going to meet the requirements of the job for the rest of your life, and the choice is hers. It gives her a chance to grow up a whole lot.
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