Ordinaryday Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 to NEVER EVER hear from the dumper again after they dump you.... or for them to contact you every now and then with breadcrumbs, which you can choose to respond to? by never ever I mean NEVER, nothing, they may have died one day after they dumped you for all you know cos you HEARD NOTHING from them.... or would you prefer them to pester you every now and then with breadcrumbs... it is so tough because if you NEVER hear from them again you don't know if it is cos you meant NOTHING to them and they never gave you another thought or because you meant something to them so they are respecting your need to heal by leaving you alone... I know it really doesn't matter but to feel that you meant NOTHING to them is a terrible feeling.... or would you prefer to get a breadcrumb every now and then (that you dont necessarily have to respond to). as much I advocate 100% NC I can honestly say I would prefer to get a breadcrumb every now and then... I NEVER respond to them, I am aware they are worthless, but getting them at least shows me I meant something to her and she feels a little guilty about hurting me (not enough to want me back but at least she feels SOMETHING, however small). so honestly... which would you prefer and why?
elseaacych Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Uh. Uhmmm..... As much as I say I want the breadcrumbs, I honestly want what's best for my mental health, so that's probably a no contact ever.
No Limit Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Breadcrumbs. Treats for my ego. Would never respond or react though. 3
Musing Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If this were asked of me back in February, I'd adamantly say I'd want breadcrumbs. To never hear from my dumper again was unfathomable. It's funny how life works though, because technically I never did really hear from him and I don't think I'd change that. I did call him once to notify him of something. We took 20 minutes to catch up, and even then I was kind of "meh". I never heard from him again and it never bothered me. If anything, it makes it easier for me with my current boyfriend because I don't have my past pestering me. I never do aggree with this statement when I'm actually in the midst of a breakup, but exes are best left in the past (unless there are kids involved of course). I don't speak to my exes anymore. I use to, there's no bad blood with any of them really and I was even friends with one of them. But once everyone's moved on, it's pretty easy to let go of that friendship. At least in my cases, YMMV. So I'd say it's just easy to never hear from them again.
Author Ordinaryday Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 If this were asked of me back in February, I'd adamantly say I'd want breadcrumbs. To never hear from my dumper again was unfathomable. It's funny how life works though, because technically I never did really hear from him and I don't think I'd change that. I did call him once to notify him of something. We took 20 minutes to catch up, and even then I was kind of "meh". I never heard from him again and it never bothered me. If anything, it makes it easier for me with my current boyfriend because I don't have my past pestering me. I never do aggree with this statement when I'm actually in the midst of a breakup, but exes are best left in the past (unless there are kids involved of course). I don't speak to my exes anymore. I use to, there's no bad blood with any of them really and I was even friends with one of them. But once everyone's moved on, it's pretty easy to let go of that friendship. At least in my cases, YMMV. So I'd say it's just easy to never hear from them again. I NEVER respond to the breadcrumbs (unless they were exes from LOOOONNNNGG ago and I am 100% over them) but sometimes just getting one is a small ego boost because it means I am still occasionally on their mind and I must have meant something to them. I don't respond to them though because for one, I dont want to ease their guilt, and for two, it is pointless. if they email me a "happy birthday, hope you are well" and I email back "thanks for that, hope you are well too" and then they ignore me after that.... precisely what is the point of a conversation like that????
Smarty Pants Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I would never want to hear from someone who broke up with me. Then again, I've contacted exes I've broken up with many times and I am friends with all of them
H245 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Initially I wanted breadcrumbs...but after a few weeks NC and spending more time than I care to admit thinking about it, I wish to never see or hear from her again after everything I went through with her. Sadly that will never be possible unless I move since she decided to be friends with almost every single one of my friends.
Always Pondering Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I'd have to agree with No Limit. I don't know if it's wrong but receiving some breadcrumbs (or even just one) would boost my ego. I wouldn't respond of course. I believe mostly because the last time I contacted my ex, I sounded very ridiculous so it would sort of "balance" things out. That's just what I think though. I don't know honestly for sure. It's been about 8 months since I've gotten one so I can't say.
ponchsox Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 To give me space and time and to never contact me. If any contact were made I would be the initiator.
me85 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I'd prefer neither. I'd prefer my ex to AT LEAST feel sincere remorse for hurting me so badly so many times and for him to tell me how sorry he is. Whether he wanted to get back with me or not, he AT LEAST owes me that because I certainly deserve it. 2
carrie_o Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I'd prefer no contact. I've done this with most of my past relationships. I don't really care what happened to them and I'm able to move on.
erklat Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 it is so tough because if you NEVER hear from them again you don't know if it is cos you meant NOTHING to them and they never gave you another thought or because you meant something to them so they are respecting your need to heal by leaving you alone... I know it really doesn't matter but to feel that you meant NOTHING to them is a terrible feeling.... I don't think that not hearing from them ever again has anything to do with them caring for your needs. Otherwise you would be together and she would not inflict on you pain that arm break looks pale compared to. I can't say I'd choose breadcrumbs because couple of months ago I would choose them but because of the hope we could still get together. Now since the fact we will communicate never again feels so natural, I prefer never hearing a word from or about her.
Author Ordinaryday Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 I'd have to agree with No Limit. I don't know if it's wrong but receiving some breadcrumbs (or even just one) would boost my ego. I wouldn't respond of course. I believe mostly because the last time I contacted my ex, I sounded very ridiculous so it would sort of "balance" things out. That's just what I think though. I don't know honestly for sure. It's been about 8 months since I've gotten one so I can't say. I know EXACTLY what you mean about things 'balancing' out. there is a great seinfeld episode where elaine talks to one of george's exgirlfriends and offhandedly she says to her 'george says hi' when george never said that. she tells george that she told the ex 'hi from george' and george is FURIOUS because his ex was the last person who initiated the contact between them, and by saying 'george says hi' george effectively loses the 'upper hand'! it is a very funny episode, I could totally relate to it
gj13 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 bread crumb, not sure if i'd respond but at least i'd feel so much better for breaking NC 3 weeks ago...ha!
Tally123 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Tough one! All I wanted was a breadcrumb at the beginning, just anything to show he cared. Then wheni started getting them I felt terrible! It got to the point where every rubbish breadcrumb of "hi how are you" would hammer it home even more that he didn't want me. Now even though a miniscule part of me wants it, I know that if it ever did come again, it would hurt as much as it did before. T
Always Pondering Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I know EXACTLY what you mean about things 'balancing' out. there is a great seinfeld episode where elaine talks to one of george's exgirlfriends and offhandedly she says to her 'george says hi' when george never said that. she tells george that she told the ex 'hi from george' and george is FURIOUS because his ex was the last person who initiated the contact between them, and by saying 'george says hi' george effectively loses the 'upper hand'! it is a very funny episode, I could totally relate to it Haha! Yes, that is exactly what I mean by "balancing it out". It feels totally wrong though because I think it shouldn't matter to me. I suppose once I'm able to tell myself that a breadcrumb has no effect on me, it'd be another milestone.
Griesfootball Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 It's like saying I just want to be friends that doesn't work so unless the person seriously wanted me back, them being non existent is what I want
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