TheyCallMeOx Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 My girlfriend and I have been dating for a month or so and we've had some good moments. I've been talking to a co-worker off and on and he told me yesterday that the attitude I have with relationships is what's going to prevent me from having a successful relationship. I'm basically stone cold. I didn't celebrate our one month anniversary, I don't try to reassure her that I love her, and I'm basically not able to get close to her on an emotional level. If I'm being true to myself, I realize that I'm still torn from my previous relationship, despite how confident I felt I was in good shape, and that it's preventing me from loving her to the best of my abilities. I think that my girlfriend and I are somewhat incompatible. I believe that my girlfriend is a really good person, and I believe that I'm not the guy that she deserves. She deserves a guy who can love her, trust her, and build a connection with, and I feel like I can't be that dude for her. The next time I see her, Thursday, I have to make a decision: break up with her, or give her my 100%. She's probably convinced that I'm about to break up with her, and I've talked to her about how I feel, about how I don't know who I am, or what I feel, and I'm very conflicted. I care about her, but I don't think I care about her as much as I should care about her. I feel very disappointed in myself that I didn't see these thoughts coming, and that I don't know what to do. My heart is rock solid at the moment, protecting whatever it has left, and I don't know if I can get close to any woman. I don't know what I want, or how to figure out what I want, and I only have 2 days to think about it. I don't want to keep dragging her on, and I know that it's gotta be an all or nothing thing. If I don't break up with her, I gotta give her everything to the point that she's convinced I've made my decision. However, if I still don't know the answer and I don't break up with her, I'm leading her on believing there could still be something going on down the road and I'm just prolonging her pain. She doesn't want me toying with her emotions, and I don't either. I've been there. I don't want to hurt her but I believe that, either way, I'm going to. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make sense of everything, either. Help me...please..
Assasda Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Sounds like there's a back story to this. You say youre stone cold, but youre pretty emotional in this post. I really dont understand what any of this is about. I take it that you and her had a confrontation that youre trying to avoid posting for some reason.
Author TheyCallMeOx Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) I can be the same way. I can tell you from experience, that if you are this way most of the time, when you actually do go out of your way to do something affectionate, it will have more meaning. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Interesting way of looking at things, and I see your point. The problem, however, is that when I have done things for her, it wasn't authentic. Doing something affectionate is just giving her re-assurance. I believe that I should do something because I want to; not because I have to in order to give her good thoughts on the relationship. This statement makes me think you care for her greatly. Just the fact that you are saying it makes me think you can be that guy for her. I don't think she's a great person for me, but I think she's a great person for someone out there who is more compatible. When I'm with her, I don't really feel like myself...and that's the problem. I care about her to a certain degree because I've been in her shoes before; it wasn't that long ago where I was in love with someone, and they didn't love me back like I loved them. Ever since I was heart broken, I vowed to support them. Even when I broke it off with my ex-friend with benefits, I always supported her even though she was heartbroken. I care about her enough to the extent that I want her to recover, because I don't want to leave a woman drowning in her own tears feeling like there's no one out there who can help...because I've been there. So I care, but I believe it's mostly from personal experience. I am a sympathetic person because of my experiences. You have to help yourself. I think you are becoming a bit self destructive at the moment by trying to sabotage your relationship with a girl you care about for no reason. I don't know what has happened to you in the past, and really, it doesn't matter. What matters is you have a woman you care about, she seems to care about you, and you're about to blow it with her over some crap with another girl who no longer matters. I know that I would lose a great woman who cared about me, and loved me deeply, so it wouldn't be easy to break up with her. I feel like this woman would support me through anything, which I love about her, but if I'm being true to myself...I'm not confident in our relationship. In her mind, she may be convinced that I'm that guy who's gonna spend the rest of her life with her, but I am at a whole completely different level than she is. When the time comes, I want to be that guy for her but I honestly feel, if I'm true to myself, that I am not capable of giving her what she wants and deserves. Sounds like there's a back story to this. You say youre stone cold, but youre pretty emotional in this post. I really dont understand what any of this is about. I take it that you and her had a confrontation that youre trying to avoid posting for some reason. There is no backstory besides the fact that I got heart broken more than half a year ago, but no more than a year, and I have no ****ing clue on how I feel, or what I'm supposed to feel. There is nothing I'm trying to hide, to my knowledge at least. Edited June 24, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx
Feeorin Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Very similar predicament... I think you answered your own question though. And it's probably best to stay true to yourself and let her go. Maybe you just need some healing time before committing completely to someone. That's what I am doing now too. I'm not in the right frame mind for anything/anyone. I need to fix me. And I've decided that if we are meant to be together, it will happen when it's suppose to happen.
Gaeta Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I didn't celebrate our one month anniversary I don't try to reassure her that I love her, and I'm basically not able to get close to her on an emotional level. If I'm being true to myself, I realize that I'm still torn from my previous relationship Celebrating 1 month anniversary is for pre-teen. No adult woman expects you to celebrate a 1 month anniversary You are not suppose to `love`someone after 1 month dating. You are still in the `getting to know her` phase. Dating her made you realize you are not ready to reinvest yourself, good. Even though it's still early in the relationship and no one should expect you to be in love after one month, dating her was enough to make you see you need more closure from your past. You have 2 choices: 1. You break up 2. You explain to her you are only ready to casually date for now. 3
Emilia Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 My girlfriend and I have been dating for a month or so and we've had some good moments. . I agree with Gaeta. I don't know how long your last relationship was where that woman broke your heart but maybe you've forgotten that a month with someone is nothing. You need 3-6 months to determine whether you are compatible and if you think you can stand each other long term to make a go at things. One month isn't enough to determine whether she is too good for you or whether you can or can't be the man she wants. If you are generally of melancholic disposition, it's probably something to keep in check. 1
CaliGypsy Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 It's hard when you come to certain realizations. I would want the man I'm seeing to be honest. You are right, she sounds like a nice girl, she deserves to be with someone who reciprocates her feelings. You don't sound stone cold. You sound like a nice man who is reluctant to hurt someone he cares about. From reading your post it really sounds like you know what to do . 1
Fondue Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Dude, you've only been dating for ONE month. Calm your tits. There is no need to be "in love," "giving her 100%," or any of that ****. You're still warming up to each other. If I had to make a decision to break up with a woman because I didn't feel I was giving it my all that early, I would never have found any relationships. At all. We are slow to warm people. I am VERY slow. It took me MANY months to tell my girlfriend how I feel. It took many months to develop those feelings. With some people, things go slow. You don't need to be in some sort of crazed emotional high to continue to date a person. Especially that early on. You're over thinking it. Continue to see her and don't be thinking these silly things. P.S. Stressing over not celebrating a 1month anniversary? How old are you? 1
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If you are still hung up on your EX, let your current GF go. As others have said, dating anniversaries, especially monthly ones are juvenille.
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