TankStar Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hey, I've never taken to the internet for relationship advice but why not. I'm new to the site and read through the "NC guide" (never even knew what "NC" was before today) as well as some other threads in the forums, looking for answers. I figured since I'm in pain and lost I might as well give posting a shot. Background. Its a "She dumped me". I'm 26 and we've been together since 19. We dated for 3 years before I decided I wanted to take a break. During that time, we went NC for the summer (3 months) before she reached out and "wanted to talk". We had dinner, had sex, and I was hooked again. She didn't want to get back together though, and on a drunken night about 2 months later I OD'd on painkillers and woke up in the hospital. 2 months later we got back together. Fast forward to the present day (3+ years of being back together). I had been away on holidays for 2 weeks and was very excited about coming back to see her again, and she seemed the same. Picks me up from the airport, dinner, sex, smiles.... the lot of it (everything is good right?) 2 days later her texts are short, phone conversations are cold, and she "needs to talk". Proceed to breakup. (BOOM out of nowhere.) Her reasons are that she feels we don't share the same passions and she wants time to be alone and explore on her own. We had made all sorts of travelling plans to explore the world together. Now she wants to do it "alone" (not with me, at least) and doesn't want me to be a part of her future. "I fell in love with the wrong person" - just the nicest thing to say to someone.... Breakdown- I'm lost. This girl who I love and care about, rips my heart out without warning and doesn't want me to be a part of her future. I've done No Contact since she dropped the bomb on me, but she's contacted me twice. 1. A letter reiterating why she did (break it off) and how she needs time to explore and be herself 2. Texted me saying how she doesn't want me to think that she's not in pain and missing me... bla bla bla bla I haven't broken No Contact, yet. I packed up a box with anything I had from her (letters, pictures, clothes) and gave it back. Not because of what I read online, but just because it was so difficult the first time around. Bottom line is, I want her back and feel like I have the determination to do so (I already did once before). The problem is after my "incident" the first time around, everyone is "worried" about me and it feels like everyone (including her) wants to hold hands and get through this together. **** that. Right now, I've gone NC with everyone in my life with the exception of 2 family members. I deleted all of my social media and haven't responded to my friends calls or texts because my-ex is friends with all of them on some level as well. People are worried about me, but worrying changes nothing and I don't need people asking me if I'm okay - because I'm not. My plan: I'm leaving the country - planning on going away for a few months at least to work and be alone and isolate myself from all the pain. On my way to the airport, I'm planning on dropping off a letter. Something along the lines of "I'm leaving because there is too much pain for me to stay and I need to isolate myself and be alone for a while. You are my motivation to be better - smarter, faster, stronger - and even though you ripped my heart out, whatever is left is yours. I promised you that I would fight til the end for us, this is not the end for me. Even if this all turns out to be some sad, failed lovestory for me, I don't care - worse things have happened to better people. The hope or prospect of ever being with you again is enough to keep me going, even if that day never comes. No matter where you end up, know that somewhere out there, there's a man who lives and breathes for you. A guy who would drop everything and fly across the world to help you. You might not be mine anymore but I will always be yours." ... And fade into No contact. I idea is to win her back, which goes against most of what experts suggest anyways. Unfortunately this is how I feel and I can't change that, not now at least. I don't want to regret not trying to win her back for the rest of my life... well at least until I'm fully over it. Worst case scenario, I never hear from her again anyways, right?
Yamaha Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I would follow through with your plans except giving her that letter. Write it, read it but never send it. She probably knows how you feel and she ended things anyway to be by herself. Give her what she desires. Life without you! Sounds you did fall for the wrong person. You can't "win" someone back. If she wants to find you let her look. Otherwise I would go NC, grieve and go on without her. 1
David87 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I would follow through with your plans except giving her that letter. Write it, read it but never send it. She probably knows how you feel and she ended things anyway to be by herself. Give her what she desires. Life without you! Sounds you did fall for the wrong person. You can't "win" someone back. If she wants to find you let her look. Otherwise I would go NC, grieve and go on without her. Yamaha makes perfect sense, by sending her that letter you only give her another reason to know she did the right thing to dumping you. Keep it and read it after enough time has passed.
emotionalMess Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 You will regret it. Do not do it. Believe me, been there, done that. Wrong move. Read this. This is what is going on. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/481730-what-dumper-thinking-feeling-after-break-up
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