Should I go into this relationship when I am not sure I have sown enough wild oats

[fiftyeight]

The story is as follows:

 

I am 24, I have been seeing a 20 year old girl for 3 months and we seems to be quite compatible in terms of personality, we make each other laugh a lot, we are both quite easy going, we like similar activities like dancing and hiking. So I am thinking we could get along quite well in the long run, and I do like her a lot. Also the physical side of the relationship is good.

 

My problem is that I am quite inexperienced in terms of relationships and sex. I have kissed and made out with a lot of girls in my life, but only had sex with 2 girls. This girl I am talking about, and a past girlfriend with whom I've been together for 8 months.

This is a problem for two reasons:

1. I have a desire to experience sex with more women, it is both just a desire for variety and experiencing new things, but also a desire to have some comparison so I can be more confident that sex with this girl is really good.

2. I have a desire to experience more reltionships, so I get a better understanding of what I want in a woman, and which things make me happy.

 

I am not that concerned about number 2, as if I want relationship experience, then getting into a relationship with this girl seems the logical thing to do.

So it is mosdtly number 1, I am quite fearful of having sex with the same woman all my life and fear that after some time in this relationship the desire to experience sex with new women will grow. Also, I am in a stage in my life where it is very easy for me to meet new, intelligent women, since I am at university.

So if I reach the conclusion that this desire is too strong, I might as well not enter into the relationship, and use the remaining years in university to satiate these desires so I am then ready for a long term relationship, and I do want a long term relationship eventually.

If I had to guess, if I have sex with about 5 more women, I would be good. If after 5 women I see I am still not satisfied, I will understand that this is a desire which is there to stay and I don't have much to do about it, and should just live with it.

The main reason I didn't have sex with more girls in my life is that I was preoccupied with other things, girls in general are quite attracted to me and I imagine I could be having sex with new women if I put effort into it.

 

A bit about our relationship so far:

Since I knew about these desires, I had an idea of trying an open relationship, so far when we were going out I told her she can see other people and I can see other people and she was fine with it. She has actually slept with 2 other guys in the first one or two months, and I hadn't slept with anyone else. I actually didn't feel that comfortable doing it before she does it. She seemed to feel quite guilty after both sexual encounters she had, even though it was allowed. She actually doesn't sleep with many guys in general, she only slept with 4 people in her life, including those 2 guys. She has just started university and I think she is enjoying the "party life". But OTOH she recently told me she does want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and in the last month or so has rejected advances from other guys. It seems the main reason she wants us to have this title of boyfriend and girlfriend is that her parents and friends know we are seeing each other and she is starting to get uncomfortable about having no label to our relationship.

 

I have several questions.

1. Should I tell her about all this, I am a scared she'll view me as a "male pig" for wanting to sleep with other women. Although while we were seeing each other so far, she has been with other men.

2. What should I do in terms of the relationship. One thing I thought of is suggesting an open relationship, this can be a temporary thing, and not forever. We can limit it to a cerain number of people we each can sleep with, or how many times we can do it, or whatever. My feeling is that she won't like it, even if she will agree with it, I don't think it is what she really wants. If an open relationship is out of the question, should I go into an exclusive relatioship while I have these desires in me?

 

Thank you very much for reading this!

[Assasda]

This is such a long drawn out post about one thing.

You should definitely make a shorter next time.

 

Seems like you dont value your girlfriend, or respect her very much. So why be in a relationship with her?

 

What you probably need is more life experience, you probably need to travel.

Because believe me, sex stays the same, and if youve just been with the girl for 3 months, you probably have not experienced all that she can offer you sexually.

 

The post seems really immature. Seems like you probably have other insecurity issues that you are probably dealing with, that you the sex will solve. Sex wont solve them.

Let your GF down easy

[Yamaha]

Any guy/girl who doesn't have a problem having sex with others when in a relationship are people who shouldn't be in said relationship.

Why bother with this girl when you want to experience other women?

You are not ready for any relationship and having more partners will not make you more ready. Grow up and decide what it is you want and make the commitment!

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Why do you want to have more girlfriends to " compare" ? If you loved your girlfriend comparison wouldn't be an issue because shed be the most important girl in your life. I've come to realise that most people don't care about " numbers or experience " because you can have loads of sexual chemistry with someone and not have had even made out. Sexual chemistry is when there's a spark. A spark can ignite and facilitate room to have wonderful sex. Having loads of woman on an invisible track record isn't gonna make you AMMAAAAAAZING in bed

If she had 20 partners before you would you think your girlfriend was " experienced" or a slut?

[acrosstheuniverse]

OP you're not ready to settle down and that's okay at your age. It's normal to want to experience all there is life has to offer.

 

I have to say though that the feeling I got from your post is that as nice as this girl is, as much as you have in common on paper, you just don't feel that 'spark'. On paper she seems like a viable candidate for a relationship which is why you're agonising, but you just don't feel strongly enough about her.

 

I was in a committed relationship from 19-23 right through university, and during that entire time I never once felt the need to be with anybody else, date-wise or physically, because I was crazy about my boyfriend at the time. I was happy with the idea of being with him for good because the chemistry both in and out of the bedroom blew me away and I knew I had it good, even though he was only my fourth sexual partner, I would have been happy to stop there (we split in the end but that's irrelevant to the story).

 

My point is, when it's good enough to exclude all other options, you just know. You would know in your gut that for the near future, this girl is all you want and you couldn't do any better. You'd know the sex was incredible and always developing and that the spark blew your mind. You wouldn't necessarily be thinking longterm like living together or marriage, but you'd know you were happy to be exclusive and call her your girlfriend. Maybe later down the line you might suddenly wake up five years later and realise you need to experience what's out there (I did, after four years of volatility and being taken for granted and being on different pages in terms of pushing the relationship forward I left him to explore things sexually with somebody else) but right now, after three months, being with her would consume you.

 

So if you don't feel that spark with this girl that's okay, you're within your rights to let her know you don't see this turning into a relationship and end things with her so you can be footloose and see where it takes you. Eventually you'll meet a girl who is so amazing you commit because you're scared if you don't, someone else will come along and snatch her away from you. And until then, have fun. Just be honest with her. You can't rationalise yourself into a relationship with somebody while you have these doubts, you will end up breaking her heart by leaving her, or even worse by cracking and cheating on her.

[Andy_K]

Be careful what you wish for.

 

I've got plenty of experience with different girls now, but felt much the same in my early twenties. I'd trade it all to meet the right one, where the physical attraction, interests, and compatibility all fit.

[giblesp]

If you and her were meant to be, she wouldn't have been with other men and you wouldn't be thinking about sleeping with other women.