joekablo Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hey everybody, So my gf and I went on a vacation just last week. On the third day of our (up untill this point lovely) vacation I noticed her recieving a text message and her acting shady. In all these years I have NEVER allowed myself to be jealous. She has never given me a reason to do oterhwise. She did however started working at a new place, just last month. New guys who she needs to text with (promoting and stuff). No big deal, I thought, I trust her. Then I strangely had a dream of her texting some guy and me NOT liking it. I told her about the dream and only then had she told me that there was a guy from the new place texting her. She told me she wouldn't respond, kept it professional and that was that. Our vacation was 3 week later. Her whatsapp conversation showed otherwise though. On our vacation I went through her phone. She sent this same guy a video of her room and her dog playing around in it. I continued to read on. He cracked a joke at me. She just laughed and responded with banter. She told him she waved at him so ''nicely'', she asked him what she thought of her, told him that the pic he sent her of some food made her feel hungry, that she could hold her drink and he told her he couldn't, that they would go on a businesstrip, party and have a good time (will happen in a month). Not COMPLETELY flirty, but hey, not exactly professional now is it? And that's all just the tip of the iceberg; I stopped reading as I got sick just knowing these things were said. Worst thing is; the conversations started at 11:30 and went on untill 1 and 1:30 in the morning. Multiple times. A whole month long! All at times when I was in a ROUGH patch; getting fired from parttime job, deceased family member, not getting into the marines and more. After finding out I asked her (she didn't knew I read the messages) if the guy and her were still texting. She told me no. She only texted him professionaly. I asked her again. Repeat. I then told her to read her messages to him herself. She reassured me; their conversations were purely business. I then asked her to let me look at her phone. She told me she didn't want to and even struggled with me. I grabbed the phone from her hands. She had deleted the texts to the guy. Some confronting and cussing later, she exclaimed she was only texting him for the attention and that she didn't tell me because she was afraid to hurt my feelings (yeah right) and that there was nothing happening and that there was never going to happen anything with the POS. She'll never do it again and she's so so sorry, she told me. She has NEVER done anything like this (or well I never found out), our relationship was seemingly AMAZING. This very sudden, strange, deceitful, unexplained behaviour of hers proved enough for me to break up with her. I kicked her to the curb for being disrespectful to me, herself and our relationship and misusing my trust. Thing is I loved her so very much. She was awesome. Betraying me without ANY reason whatsoever is something that really isn't justifiable with any amount of love. If I let my women walk over me, how will she respect me? How will I respect me? She acuses me of ''just giving up'', and reminds me of the times that she has forgiven me. That we're made for eachother, that they REALLY weren't flirting etc. etc. The burden of breaking up is a hell to carry and the thing is, because it was so awesome being in a relationship with her, I'm having second thoughts. Did I make the right decision? Was she really not planning to cheat? Was this not disrespectful? All the amount of rational thinking in my head tells me I did right, standing up as a self respecting person. Every ounch of my mind tells me her behaviour was wrong, and if I forgave her she'd betray me again. My heart however, wants to forgive her. I won't ever listen to that voice in this situation however, not for a long time. Can someone tell me if I made the right decicion? Am I right, trusting reason over love? Or do you think it IS possible that this wasn't disrespectful, she wasn't planning on monkeybranching etc. Excuse the language, not a native speaker. Thank you!
OwMyEyeball Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I don't know ... That all seems fairly innocent. Especially if the bits you detailed were the edgiest. My personal opinion: Overreaction, especially given the relationship was otherwise amazing. For all the reasoning provided, it would seem it's your pride that got the best of you. Sorry to hear about your woes. Tough break
mickleb Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I feel for you. It's important to trust our gut feelings on things like this, which is what you did. Your careful investigation of that revealed what you suspected: she was lying. It's hard if there's a lot right in a relationship to accept that it can be so wrong but I think you did completely the right thing. You know this but it'll take some time for your emotions to catch up with your sense. Trust takes such a long time to build. Those who don't appreciate this need to learn not to be so flippant. It's unlikely you'd regain the trust in this relationship very easily, even if she is as sorry as hell. Try to move on and find someone who doesn't make you want to check their phone. Good luck. 2
April Moon Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 IMO, you made the right decsion. I say trust your gut and your instinct. I know the break-up is hard but eventually it will get better. Best of luck to you! 1
LostOnes05 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Bro, what you did takes courage. I applaud you! What you should have done was screenshot the messages and send them to your phone. That way she would have to read and explain the situation, line by line. Why did she let someone joke on you and not say anything? It was a way of emasculating you, that's why! Boo-freaking who, she wanted attention! So does my dog. She was emotionally cheating on you because she sought validation outside of the relationship. Next thing you know, they go on a "business trip" and then you get to hear her explain about how they went out for drinks and one thing led to another. You don't need that. Trust your gut...the heart is used to comfort and love. Your gut won't let you down if you take a step back and use your brain to make the final decision. Respect is everything in a relationship! Now, I'll say this. If you love this woman and she loves you, take her back only if she agrees to discontinue further contact with this guy unless it is strictly work. No whatsapp, no Facebook, no KIK, nothing. Best of luck and well wishes! 1
LostOnes05 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Bro, what you did takes courage. I applaud you! What you should have done was screenshot the messages and send them to your phone. That way she would have to read and explain the situation, line by line. Why did she let someone joke on you and not say anything? It was a way of emasculating you, that's why! Boo-freaking who, she wanted attention! So does my dog. She was emotionally cheating on you because she sought validation outside of the relationship. Next thing you know, they go on a "business trip" and then you get to hear her explain about how they went out for drinks and one thing led to another. You don't need that. Trust your gut...the heart is used to comfort and love. Your gut won't let you down if you take a step back and use your brain to make the final decision. Respect is everything in a relationship! Now, I'll say this. If you love this woman and she loves you, take her back only if she agrees to discontinue further contact with this guy unless it is strictly work. No whatsapp, no Facebook, no KIK, nothing. Best of luck and well wishes! 2
Mr.Pine Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Worst thing is; the conversations started at 11:30 and went on untill 1 and 1:30 in the morning. Multiple times. A whole month long! Before I begin to comment, let me first say that for a non-native speaker, your English is pretty damn good. Now, anyone who is receiving texts that late at night, your radar should be up and doing double time. She keeps on saying it's professional...for me, professional means texting of a professional nature, which hers and his were not. And texts arriving after working hours, or even the dinner hour, are extremely suspect. You caught her before things got hot and heavy. You dumped her at just the right time. Feel proud you got rid of her before she came home with a "professional" STD. Forget her. Don't take her back. Don't even think of taking her back. Go No Contact and hold your head up high. 3
yajiuma Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 It's funny that you had no concerns until you had the dream about her texting the guy. I also had a dream about a a relative's fiancé cheating. When I told her about it she laughed it off, but a week later they were dunzo when all the details about his affair came out. I would always trust my gut instinct. Just the fact that she lied to you about texting him suggests she was "at least" in the beginning stages of some sort of emotional affair. The continued late hours of contact also reveal a less than strictly professional contact mode. It may hurt now after 2.5 years but it's a lot worse after more shared history/ possible marriage/kids etc. 2
Chi townD Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Seemed like friendly banter with the possibility of becoming something more. So, you might have ended things prematurely in my opinion. But, if you thought you were being disrespected. Then, that's your call. Are you trying to get into the US Marines or your own country's Marine Corps? If it's the US Marines, I can tell you how to get in with them. 1
Author joekablo Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Thank you SO much everybody. I really do feel better about my decision now. Hopefully me and her will be able to clear the air (she hates my guts right now lol), because she still is a person I deeply care for. Just wouldn't be able to love and respect her and even worse myself knowing all this. And as you all say, my reason and feelings probably will synchronize in time. Thanks again, everyone! 1
Author joekablo Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Seemed like friendly banter with the possibility of becoming something more. So, you might have ended things prematurely in my opinion. But, if you thought you were being disrespected. Then, that's your call. Are you trying to get into the US Marines or your own country's Marine Corps? If it's the US Marines, I can tell you how to get in with them. Thanks! Going for the Dutch marines man, well was doing so. I passed all the physical tests, went on a 3 day bootcamp where my capacities were tested (and approved), but then followed a ''job interview'', involving 5 naval officers. They didn't approve of me because they thought I wasn't ''leader'' enough (was going for luitenant position). I will be trying to get into the army as they advised me; I absolutely NEED to get in! Going for the Cav Scout luitenant starting position.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Honestly, you did the right thing. Those kinds of text messages are the kinds that more people WISH they had seen their partner sending well after they had begun a full blown affair when it was too late. They are the first signs of impropriety. That type of flirtation should be strictly off limits to someone in a committed relationship and you had every right to be suspicious, especially given that she was due to go on a business trip with this guy in a month. I mean lets break things down, shall we? 1) she lied about texting a guy and/or the nature of their conversations. 2) The guy takes a crack at you, yet she laughs it off and says nothing. 3) She lets him know she's a big drinker and can hold her liquor, he claims he cannot. This then creates the perfect storm and a built in excuse for anything that may happen on said trip. They were giving each other a tacit green light. She would've drank a lot, he would've "tried to keep up" then whoops, suddenly they're drunk, laughing and just soooooo out of it they end up in bed. Uh oh, a drunken mistake that nobody would've ever seen coming . You did the right thing. Remember, you're not obligated to sit around and wait until your partner takes the final steps and has sex with someone else. Her behavior was shady and should not be tolerated at all. I have no doubt things would've turned physical then and she would've come crying to you about how she got drunk and accidentally slept with the guy. 1
David87 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 She lied to you and by doing that she broke your trust, imo you did the right thing but it's up to you what you'll do from now on. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 If it were me i would have given them a chance and for that reason alone i feel guys take advantage of my good nature and think me simple......and i wont pick up betrayal....i cant say that i wouldnt give chances again but i would hope it wasnt to any guy who deserved less than that chance with me...if you followed your heart you did the right thing it is your life ...i wish you well....deb
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