irresolute Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 I've gone in circles for more than a year. I'm sick and broken. He dumped me. I dumped him. I went no contact more than 10 times. He contacted me. I contacted him. He lied to me, I lied to him. He didn't want to see me, I got mad. All this, repeated multiplied by 10. I wanted a relationship. I loved him. He didn't want a relationship. He didn't love me. I've been 10 days no contact this last time. The most I've been is almost 4 months... PLEASE...I need to let this one go. PLEASE, I need to break this sick circle. I don't want to have hopes anymore, I want to be indifferent, I want to stop caring. PLEASE, how can I do this? Each time no contact is broken and the circle begins, I get more broken and sick. And he gets more broken and sick as well. I guess we're both tired and sick, and this "relationship" has been over long ago. Help me please. 2
OwMyEyeball Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Any way to remove the physical means of contact (i.e. delete contact info, block phone & email, so that you couldn't contact each other)?
Author irresolute Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 thank you. I need to remove my internal need to contact him though. I'm having a hard time right now, for that reason I'm writing here. I'll never find someone I feel as attracted as with him. I'll never feel butterflies again in my entire life because I'm not with him anymore. my life is empty, and sad, and miserable, and I'm struggling right now.
Mr.Pine Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 thank you. I need to remove my internal need to contact him though. I'm having a hard time right now, for that reason I'm writing here. I'll never find someone I feel as attracted as with him. I'll never feel butterflies again in my entire life because I'm not with him anymore. my life is empty, and sad, and miserable, and I'm struggling right now. Stop struggling. If you're anywhere near Los Angeles in your "somewhere in California" location, I'll help you forget about him. You need a friend. I'll help you cope. We've all been there. We just need some comfort.
Zahara Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) thank you. I need to remove my internal need to contact him though. I'm having a hard time right now, for that reason I'm writing here. I'll never find someone I feel as attracted as with him. I'll never feel butterflies again in my entire life because I'm not with him anymore. my life is empty, and sad, and miserable, and I'm struggling right now. Irrational thinking. Never? Unless you've lived your whole life, on your death bed and about to breathe your last breath of air, then you can say never. It's deluded thinking. You've placed the future of your lifetime in the hands of a scumbag. Make sense? No. When you are thinking this way, step back and try to rationalize. Most times it's easier to stay in your bleak dark hole. It takes effort and work to fight the negative patterns. Climb out. What you just said...never -- makes no sense whatsoever. You didn't even have a relationship with him. Yet you base the outlook of your future, the decades you have left on some who guy who didn't even know your name. Edited June 24, 2014 by Zahara
Glinda.Good Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Get a hold of yourself. I know you are hurt, but it's up to you to quit this total immersion in the sick drama. How about spending the major part of your waking hours doing something that is important to you, with other people, and far away from Internet dating and social media sites? 1
OwMyEyeball Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Love - romantic love - is a drug and you're in withdrawal. That's not just a metaphor, it's an actual biochemical response that you're experiencing. You are exhibiting withdrawal symptoms that manifest themselves in the way you feel in both body and mind. And right now I imagine that feeling is often misery. That will pass with time. Proper self-care can greatly expedite the process. Your relationship is clearly broken. In tatters. There's almost no hope of reconciliation unless you both go through a very extended period of no contact, personal growth and acceptance. You both need to reach a point where you feel indifferent to each other and then somehow reconnect. The chances of that are very, very slim, because one of you will get there first and by then have already moved on. You need to move on. And NC is only one tool in your kit for moving on. You need to identify and develop other healthy coping mechanisms. Reach out for support from family, friends and supportive forums. Slowly get yourself back into hobbies; explore some new ones when you find the strength. Don't put pressure on yourself or create any kind of schedule. Just keep carrying on. It's not now, when you're at your worst that's the most dangerous, but when you're feeling better yet still vulnerable that you'll want to get back in touch. Find ways to prevent that. And when you do start to feel a bit better, give yourself a bit of a break. These absolutes - "never going to this or that" - are emotional punches to the gut. They carry a lot of weight and are entirely baseless. That you'll want to argue them is not based in reason, but in the overpowering sensation of despair that your rational mind is battling to understand. The greatest gift you can give to yourself is to learn how to truly love and cherish yourself. To feel free, loved and valuable without the need for someone else to provide validation. It's a lifelong journey and whether or not you believe it now, you've been on that path before. Focus yourself on rediscovering it. You will get there again. You may feel lonely, but you're not alone. You will feel love and loved again. Best wishes. 2
haribogumsnickers Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Try to see from his perspective as bad as that may sound but try it. What kind of a guy is he? Like qualities, values, beliefs all that bs. He's just a tool that looks hawt. When I felt like this with what's her face, I just sex'd the pain away. Either with someone or solo.
Luua Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I agree with all said above. And some external help is always good. Seek therapy (it worked for me, at least to feel better and live instead of just survive) or meditate, which helps you control your thoughts and stop spinning your mind in circles.
love1336x Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Wow... I feel so connected to you. That's exactly what's going on with me... It's tough, but you will get through it! What I am doing is blocking him off Facebook, and my phone. I called at&t and paying five dollars a month to avoid being an idiot. So, even if i text him. It won't go through. I work with him, but he's leaving for a month for a road trip, and is already talking to a slutty girl at the job... who is prettier and everything better than me... I am being replaced... it's tough, but in a month if i don't take advance of that... I'll be an idiot.
Reels Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 It is one of the real test of your life, you have to pass it, and you will become very strong.
AnyaNova Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 This only works if you are an empath, or at least, it did for me, so it is not a one size fits all solution. If you are an empath, and particularly if the emotional bond was a strong one, it is possible that your empathy is still connected somehow. I'm not even going to try to speculate on precisely how or what is happening with it, what I will say is that if your empathy is still tangled up with your ex, then finding the right and appropriate way for yourself to sever that empathic link (I think, thinking of it more as some sort of a cord helps because you don't want to be erecting shields and walls and keeping a bunch of other stuff that could be good for you, out) might be a way to jump start your healing process. I know it really has helped me in my progress of getting over him, and I find myself a lot more open to possibilities with other men. But again, this is a particular circumstance for particular people, rather than a good cure all for most or everyone.
me85 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Giiiiirrrrrl, don't I know what you're going through! You guys have what is called a codependent RS. My ex and I have one as well. Or we did, I recently broke all ties with him because I'm just done. (It helps when they are in a new RS) For the past few months I've been allowing him to contact me while he's been with someone else for the past 6 months but I've gotten so disgusted with myself to the point where I just hate myself for being fu cking STUPID for an entire year! I used to think getting mad at my ex was the only way to get over him now I realize the only way to get over him and our BS is to get mad at MYSELF. Best wishes, J 1
me85 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Love - romantic love - is a drug and you're in withdrawal. That's not just a metaphor, it's an actual biochemical response that you're experiencing. You are exhibiting withdrawal symptoms that manifest themselves in the way you feel in both body and mind. And right now I imagine that feeling is often misery. That will pass with time. Proper self-care can greatly expedite the process. Your relationship is clearly broken. In tatters. There's almost no hope of reconciliation unless you both go through a very extended period of no contact, personal growth and acceptance. You both need to reach a point where you feel indifferent to each other and then somehow reconnect. The chances of that are very, very slim, because one of you will get there first and by then have already moved on. You need to move on. And NC is only one tool in your kit for moving on. You need to identify and develop other healthy coping mechanisms. Reach out for support from family, friends and supportive forums. Slowly get yourself back into hobbies; explore some new ones when you find the strength. Don't put pressure on yourself or create any kind of schedule. Just keep carrying on. It's not now, when you're at your worst that's the most dangerous, but when you're feeling better yet still vulnerable that you'll want to get back in touch. Find ways to prevent that. And when you do start to feel a bit better, give yourself a bit of a break. These absolutes - "never going to this or that" - are emotional punches to the gut. They carry a lot of weight and are entirely baseless. That you'll want to argue them is not based in reason, but in the overpowering sensation of despair that your rational mind is battling to understand. The greatest gift you can give to yourself is to learn how to truly love and cherish yourself. To feel free, loved and valuable without the need for someone else to provide validation. It's a lifelong journey and whether or not you believe it now, you've been on that path before. Focus yourself on rediscovering it. You will get there again. You may feel lonely, but you're not alone. You will feel love and loved again. Best wishes. This is absolutely WONDERFUL. Seriously, what a great read. I agree. I need no one to fill any sort of void nor do I seek comfort from people. I hardly ever reach out in that manner. It's definitely NOT a good strategy at all. I know happiness is produced and only found from within. I went through a very tumultuous time after my BU. I was severely depressed and lost weight I had no business losing, because I'm so small already. I couldn't eat or sleep, had nightmares...I had a full on nervous breakdown. It was one of the most desperate moments of my life. I held on to memories so tight that I was consumed by them to the point of unhealthy obsession. That's precisely what we do to ourselves. We completely ignore the reality of the situation and only remember when we were with our former. We fantasize. We hope. We rememeber. When I finally started focusing on REALITY...you know, telling myself, "HELLO!!!! MCFLY!!!! That's the past. We're not together anymore." that's when I started to really move on and move on fast.
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