jesha Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 I've been in an on and off relationship for three years. About a month ago we broke up for good. I've had a few of his things and some jewelry he gave me that I'd like to give him back and he has a few of my things. I've held off on asking him about exchanging the stuff because it made everything seem more permanent and I wasn't ready to admit that it was truly over. This morning he texted me and asked me about a shirt of his I have. I'd like to be cordial to him and return what I still have of his, but I'm worried that seeing him at all or dropping them off in front of his door will upset me too much and ruin the good progress I've made post break up. My friend offered to give him his stuff and get mine from him, but I'm not sure. What do you think is the best way to return/get back items from your ex. Face to face? Or a no contact exchange? Or would returning them in person bring me acceptance and peace over the break-up?
H245 Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Let your friend do it for you. You don't want to risk losing all the progress you made so far. Keep up the no contact ~H
Zahara Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 What do you think is the best way to return/get back items from your ex. Face to face? Or a no contact exchange? Or would returning them in person bring me acceptance and peace over the break-up? Please have your friend make the exchange. There is no need for you to do this face to face. And considering how he treated you, it would be best for you to stay away from him. Peace and acceptance comes with healing and moving forward. The break-up is your closure. 1
carhill Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 What do you think is the best way to return/get back items from your ex. Face to face? Or a no contact exchange? Or would returning them in person bring me acceptance and peace over the break-up? Depends on the people, IMO. Some folks re-open old wounds, others don't care, others get on fine and such interactions are neutral events. I had no problem dropping stuff off at my exW's new home while/after divorcing and sometimes she would gather up stuff she had found that she felt it better for me to have custody of and I'd pick it up when in town. We both had moved on, well before the ink was dry on the divorce decree. In fact, the last 'big' thing I got back from her, a nice day bed I had had since childhood, I picked up and her new BF helped me load it. No issues, except a minor one from myself about his anal methods in securing loads Another ex-couple could have had WW3. Everyone is different. You know yourself and your situation best. If personal interaction would be painful, use a neutral drop location or a friend/neutral family member as intermediary. Or, as I did, count all that 'stuff' as tuition at relationship U and whatever worked out worked out. I didn't really care, and exW basically emptied our entire home. To me, it was downsizing
Author jesha Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 Its crazy how you think you're doing okay and then one little text brings you back to where you started
Zahara Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Its crazy how you think you're doing okay and then one little text brings you back to where you started Then imagine what a face to face would do to you. Let your friend take care of it.
Author jesha Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 It hit me hard because he is the one who initiates the break up every time, and he is the one who wants to get back together within a month or two. In the back of my mind I always expect that he would come around again. I guess him asking for his stuff was like saying "It's over for good" Oh well, just a step in the healing process
Zahara Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 It hit me hard because he is the one who initiates the break up every time, and he is the one who wants to get back together within a month or two. In the back of my mind I always expect that he would come around again. I guess him asking for his stuff was like saying "It's over for good" Oh well, just a step in the healing process Maybe it's time for you to be empowered and make a decision that it's the end because you desire it to be the end. Even if he came around, you should not be going back to him. It's over for good should be a resolution that you want for yourself because you are done being treated this way. 1
Mondmellonw Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Let your friend do it for you. Me and my ex had a mutual friend, and after the BU he returned a book to me by him. I returned all of his gifts to him by this same friend. I was sure that if I returned them personally, he would have said that he "really wanted me to have them" or whatever... But I didn't wanted to have those things, and I didn't wanted to sell them or trash them, so I just returned em' to him. You'll be fine. Things will get better. I now know they do.
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 It depends on the people & the stuff. Getting help from friends as intermediaries is fine so is mailing it. If you are sending jewelry get it insured & get a delivery receipt.
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