jcs0521 Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 I don't know if you'll read this, but I have a few things I want to say, I suppose it doesn't even matter if you do read this, just that I wrote it to try and gain some sort of closure. I accept that it's over between us and I have done for a while now. I didn't deserve the cruel way it ended tho, you should have handled it alot better than you did. We had the chemistry and compatibility but I guess the commitment wasn't there. I'm sorry I kept sending letters at a time when I should have left things alone, but I hope you can appreciate that I was very upset at the time. I always thought if there were problems you would talk to me about it and make it clear they were serious, but I understand those kinds of talks are never easy. I guess I just wish it hadn't ended so badly. To close, I know we'll never be friends, but I'll always have a kind attitude and kind words for you, should we ever bump into each other. Goodbye
loved up lady Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Thats a really lovely letter! Be happy
alphamale Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 this letter is pathetic in my opinion. burn it until it is ashes. write as many letters as u like but don't send any of 'em. that's may advice.
Author jcs0521 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Alpha Male, thanks so much for calling my letter pathetic, I've seen your replies to other peoples' posts and sometimes I think you can be very insensitive. I just wanted to put it on here so I could vent, these are my feelings, I know the worst thing I could do would be to actually send it. If anyone else has unsent letters to their ex, please feel free to post them on here, that's the intention I had when starting this thread. Much better than sending them
Pocky Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 I have once posted a goodbye letter - months ago. I can understand how it soothes the heart. I think it's good that people have an outlet.
Author jcs0521 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Thanks Pocky and loved up lady x I have added to the letter since posting it on here, it is right that you need to have an outlet at times of grief. Get everything out and give it clarity. I may even do as alpha male suggests, write it out properly on paper and then burn it, kinda like a ritual or something. I'm going to clean out my room tomoro and put all reminders of him in a box and put it out of sight. I know when things are better I'll be able to look at them without so much emotion. I don't think I'll be indifferent towards him for a while yet......but I'm ready to start moving on, put this behind me and concentrate on loving myself.
alphamale Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by jcs0521 Alpha Male, thanks so much for calling my letter pathetic, I've seen your replies to other peoples' posts and sometimes I think you can be very insensitive. oh, sorry, i was just looking at it from the point of view of the person who would be reading it. I still would not send it, however. Just writing it will make u feel better.
DinNJ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Gonna have to agree with Alpha on this one.... don't send it... cause anyone on the receiving end of this letter could read right through it. Translates to this... "I'm NOT over you... YOU were wrong, wrong, then wrong s'more... Feel bad for me... I'm bitter... But I still love you and will take you back" You have to put yourself in 'their' shoes.... cause they're not thinkin' like you. Sorry, but that's the way it is... You'll get more of a reaction out of em'... if you don't send anything.
Author jcs0521 Posted February 17, 2005 Author Posted February 17, 2005 Thanks for your honest replies..........again, my intention isn't to send it. I'm not going to humiliate myself to him again.
ttjames Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 I don't get it. So basically you're never supposed to express your true feelings for your ex because it will show that you're either .. a wuss want them back pathetic needy etc... It's all bad stuff. I don't get it. Why doesn't expressing the fact that you still love this person mean anything? Why is it that as soon as you break up you're supposed hide all of your feelings you ever felt for this person????? Like they now mean nothing to you.. I don't know... it's just hard to suddenly close up to the person that you were the most close to and probably shared everything to. This stuff is crap. No wonder everyone gets hardened and mean and takes so long to open up to someone else again.. Relationships suck!
No Foolin Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Nothing wrong with expressing your feelings WHILE YOUR IN THE RELATIONSHIP; however, outside the realtionship whats the point. Lets be real, when your heart is broken and you feel like you've been beaten with heavy clubs and left bleeding in the moonlight, the last thing you need is another form of rejection. Any contact past the break is in my opinion either and honest attempt, or a passive aggressive attempt to get back with your ex. This is letter is just going to hurt you, "no such thing as closure" you'll always have a soft spot. Your dignity at this point is far more important than some letter he will use as a coaster. You also will be let down when he (a) doesn't respond, or, (b) tells you to "F*** off". Then your really gonna feel like you've been duct tapped to a hospital gurney, and whipped with a car antenna. Save that letter for you, only you. looks back in a year or two and laugh. No Foolin
North Shore Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 I, for one, have come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with expressing kind and positive feelings after the reltionship has ended. I think that trying to ignore the need to say some things is far more detrimental to one's emotional and mental health than trying to shut it all down. We're all so concerned with appearing weak that we forget how to express the good things. As if pride must be preserved at all costs. There is a big difference between pride and self-respect. If pride is such a wonderful thing the why is it a sin? And one of the seven deadly one's to boot! I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing how you feel - before or after the "relationship". I think it makes you brave. I think, if it's done honestly and sincerely, it's better to put the goodwill out there. It ceretainly couldn't be worse than all the spiteful things people are willing to toss at each other during and after the relationship. I say be brave. I say be the one who further down the road is proud that they took the high one. There is no indignity in honesty. No indignity in peace with oneself. Who cares how they interpret it? It's how it's intended that counts. "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena....who strives...who spends himself....and, at the worst, if he fails, he fails while daring, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt
MassiveAtom Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 [Name] It's funny sometimes I look back on our 8 years and the good moments start flooding in. Your face is so clear and your smiles are so present. It's as if all the turmoil hasn't happened and we're back where we were when things were new. My heart sinks and my soul shakes, and I wonder "How can this be? How is it over? WHy has it ended? " Then creeping, silently, stealthy like a fox clarity begins to overtake the confusion. I realize that all those memories were made because of MY giving nature. That first vacation, MY idea. the electric excitement in you when I asked, Well >I< asked. I gave you so much joy. All those times you lay in a lump, heaving from a panic attack, THAT was ME who pulled you through! And when your mother tried to force her passive agressive vitriol down your throat, it was ME who shielded you and gave you the options you needed to dodge those attacks. When your friends cut you down, I bandaged and held you up. WHen they said you couldn't do it, It was I who said you could. And when you felt unattractive, MY kind words gave you smiles, When you hurt, MY arms were comfort. When I gave you everything ,when I sacrificed my life for us and our family and you left, well, that hurt. It hurt so deeply that I closed up. Sad , angry, and confused, I could barely keep my senses straight. I wrstled with the idea that you didn't love me, until you told it was true. All those times I felt diminished, devalued, disrespected -your face is there too. When I felt abandoned, discarded, and useless, it your face looking back at me in that way. But I see now. What joy there was in our time together, came from me. It sucks you felt you had to leave, but it's clear. It's your loss. Get well soon. me
DinNJ Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Now that unsent letter... I'm ok with. It sounds exactly like one that should be unsent, and read over and over by the writer. Sorry, you had to go through that situation MA.... and everyone else who is in a situation where that have to write unsendable letters to get their frustrations out. UGH! Sometimes relationships just plain suck don't they?
DinNJ Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Here's mine... Dear blah blah... You're his problem now, and he's yours and I'm happy.
theone44 Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Originally posted by ttjames I don't get it. So basically you're never supposed to express your true feelings for your ex because it will show that you're either .. a wuss want them back pathetic needy etc... It's all bad stuff. I don't get it. Why doesn't expressing the fact that you still love this person mean anything? Why is it that as soon as you break up you're supposed hide all of your feelings you ever felt for this person????? Like they now mean nothing to you.. I don't know... it's just hard to suddenly close up to the person that you were the most close to and probably shared everything to. This stuff is crap. No wonder everyone gets hardened and mean and takes so long to open up to someone else again.. Relationships suck! Being a wuss,needing and clingy,after a woman break up with u is just pain pathetic and an embrassment to yourself.
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