Twiglet Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Hi, this story's a little complicated. I'll try and stick to the most important facts. About a year and 3 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend, Keith. We'd been living together for about four years. He moved in to my place when he fell on hard times. During our time together, I pretty much supported him financially as he was unemployed on and off; and when he was working, I was still the higher earner. He was a kind man, but we were very different people wanting very different things from life, and over time this became more and more apparent. As well, his lack of financial contribution began to grate ... he had several opportunities to contribute more financially, but he chose not to. We were both part of a close knit group of friends who played sports together, ate and drank together, travelled together etc. as well as girls, there were a couple of guys in the group who I was good friends with. Around the time I broke up with Keith, it was becoming apparent one of them had deep feelings for me. Apparently this had been clear to others in our group for a while. One evening this person, Geoff, told me his true feelings and said he would have to distance himself from the group as it want healthy, he needed to move on and find someone else. Later that week, I broke off with Keith. It was really tough. Keith left straight away even though I suggested he stay and talk things through. It was an amicable break up, and we stayed in touch over the next few weeks. Keith agreed our break up was for the best, that we were too different... Geoff and I began to hang out. I had always got on well with him, as we had a lot of things in common. It was very easy to be with him. At the time I broke up with Keith, I had no idea if Geoff and I could make a go of things. We had rarely spent any time alone, and I wasn't sure if we would have any chemistry. It turned out we did, and quickly I realized there was way more to G than I had ever imagined. We were incredibly in tune with each other's thoughts, and we liked doing the same things - it was a very different experience than I'd had with me and Keith. When Keith found out G and I were more than friends, he went nuts. Called us all the names under the sun. Sent threatening emails. Said G had betrayed him. (Even though G and K had been part of the same group of friends, they had not been close. They rarely hung out together except when playing sports. They did not talk on the phone.) But what was worse, was my two best girlfriends decided to shun Geoff - who they had been good friends with up until then. They were fine with me, except they pretended G did not exist. They would never ask me any questions about him, or even ask me how I was doing or what I had been up to at the weekend as my answer might lead me to talk about G. We just talked about "safe" topics like work, sports and food. I accepted it because of our history: we have been through a lot together and, up until then they, had been there for me in both good times and bad times. But I found it really hard to deal with. I'd often cry once back home. I felt so judged. G handled it much better, and was a great source of comfort to me. He didn't ask me to not be friends with them although I could tell he was super disappointed with their behaviour, especially when he saw how much it was hurting me. (And of course, G was hurt as well.) My friends just say to "give it time". But it has been a year, and if anything the situation is becoming more strained. They see quite a bit of Keith, and I think they have been far more supportive of him than they have of me - presumably because they view him as the victim. Keith has since come after me for money under the new BC common law act, and I have no choice but to settle with him. It feels like he is double dipping. Many other friends of mine and Geoff's are furious with Keith; and some also feel quite strongly I should end my friendship with the two girlfriends. It has caused a huge rift as our group is split in two, and people are feeling they are having to take sides (or look like they are taking sides even when they don't intend to). I'm at my wits end. These were two of the best girlfriends I ever had - we saw each other 3-5 times a week and talked about everything. Now, when I see them, much less frequently, we still have some good times but of course it's not the same. I recently broke my leg, and they brought me flowers and home made food etc. They were forced to speak to Geoff, but it seemed like it was an Herculean effort for them, and it just made me more upset than ever. I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle - no one seems to be able to provide a satisfactory explanation for why they are "shunning" Geoff. One possible explanation is they feel they can't be friends with both Keith and Geoff. Another explanation may be they feel G was the reason K and I broke up. But K and I broke up over a long time because of our differences. I'd appreciate the thoughts and wisdom of strangers. Should I remain friends with these two girls? My head says no, but my heart is finding it hard to walk away. And more recently, a third supposedly good friend of mine in the group has suggested excluding Geoff from a regular sports practice of ours in the hope the two girls may come. I doubt they will, but this upset me no end as well.
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