spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I wondered how FWB has really worked in practice for both sexes. If you've had a friend with benefits, have you ended up falling in love with them? Do women fall in love more often than guys? There is a lot of discussion about the merits or otherwise of this kind of relationship but what has it been like in practice for you?
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Ive got a few. One of them has a boyfriend, im crazy about her but i can deal. Another im dating but she knows im seeing other people, ditto for the third. The feelings come and go. The one with the boyfriend loves me, id get with her in a flash if she dumps him and moves back to town. Not a good idea to start up if your fresh out of a relationship, the urge to rebound can take over. Multi date for a while until you get your wings.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Sounds the the other two are keeping you company while the girl you really want has a boyfriend. But, do I understand this correctly, she is still a FWB? What does her boyfriend think about that?
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Sounds the the other two are keeping you company while the girl you really want has a boyfriend. But, do I understand this correctly, she is still a FWB? What does her boyfriend think about that? Yeah, you could read it that way. Boyfriend doesnt know. I was dating her before she moved away and got with him, i didnt know about him until a couple months ago and the 6 month anniversary of our first date is just around the corner. But when i met her she was multi dating and so was i so to me it makes little difference. Im still lining up new dates and getting more girls numbers on a regular basis. They all know this. If i find a super duper girl worthy of going exclusive with i doubt there will be drama.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Does her boyfriend know she's multi-dating? Well, I guess it shows that it really doesn't matter how a girl behaves - if a guy falls for her, he falls regardless. Doesn't it bother you that she's prepared to sleep with another guy while she has a boyfriend?
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Does her boyfriend know she's multi-dating? Well, I guess it shows that it really doesn't matter how a girl behaves - if a guy falls for her, he falls regardless. Doesn't it bother you that she's prepared to sleep with another guy while she has a boyfriend? No, the boyfriend knows nothing. But im pretty sure hes cheating on her. Doesnt really bother me. Would have a few years ago but these days i have a different perspective on sex and relationships. Sex is sex and love is love and fun is fun now, if that makes any sense. If she dumped him and moved back for example, i would keep seeing her whether she wanted to start multi dating again or if she got into a relationship with me. If it was the latter, there would be a talk about ground rules and exclusivity. If she wanted an open relationship id seriously consider it, or an exclusive one. She loves me yet knows i am going out on dates. Asks to see pictures of them, if she stayed the night and woke up here tells me what not to wear. Its a bit bizarre and im surprised how cool with it we both are but meh, 17 years of back to back monogamous relationships that all ended miserably for me, never hurts to try something different if it makes me happy. So technically we right now are just "really good friends". The other girls refer to me the same way. Only the one with the boyfriend talks with me about the others, the other two dont want to know.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 It sounds like you have been 'constant' in each others' lives for a while, despite all the multi-dating and infidelities.
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Yup. Nearly six months with that one. Six months with another and 3 months with the third. Talk to the one with the boyfriend daily, the other ones not so much but pretty regular.
central Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I've had a few. The most recent lasted about 2 years until she met someone with whom she wished to pursue a relationship. We've remained friends. Another lasted intermittently for about 5 years until I moved away. We've also remained good friends. I these and other cases we were clearly not well suited to a long term romantic relationship. We liked each other greatly as friends and certainly enjoyed the sex. The sex would stop when we were in relationships - except a few times where the new relationship was actually okay with it, as some were poly and some were open relationships. Many of my former FWB became friends with my now-wife, too. No drama, no jealousy, just honesty and many mutual attitudes and interests.
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Wow. Cool wife, congrats. All of my ex girlfriends went nutbar when i so much as mentioned a former FWBs name. Theyd even peak when i made mention of something sexual with a previous ex i lived with. Im not talking carrying on but having a buddy over and she overhears the story about breaking the bed im telling him from another room its just turned me off of girlfriends. I dont want to hit the delete key on 17 years worth of experiences. She knows these girls were your FWBs?
rdons1 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Ive had 2 friends with benefits. One I didn't have any feelings for her and she didn't really have any for me so no one got hurt. The second one started as friends with benefits and we ended up dating. The way I look at it if you guys are right for each other all being FWB will do is create more chemistry and will speed up the process
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 I've had a few. The most recent lasted about 2 years until she met someone with whom she wished to pursue a relationship. We've remained friends. Another lasted intermittently for about 5 years until I moved away. We've also remained good friends. I these and other cases we were clearly not well suited to a long term romantic relationship. We liked each other greatly as friends and certainly enjoyed the sex. The sex would stop when we were in relationships - except a few times where the new relationship was actually okay with it, as some were poly and some were open relationships. Many of my former FWB became friends with my now-wife, too. No drama, no jealousy, just honesty and many mutual attitudes and interests. It can work sometimes then. Sounds like you all cared for each other. 1
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 I did start a casual relationship which was meant to be a kind of FWB arrangement as we got on well with each other. Within three weeks he was saying he thought of me as his girlfriend. I'd mentally shut off any chance of that being the case because of how we'd started so then I had to rethink it. I didn't feel we were suited long term so left it a bit vague. He told me he loved me. I got pretty confused at this stage and started to think maybe something could come of this relationship. However, he got more uncomfortable with my non-committal responses, we had a disagreement over something petty and he upped and left. It really hurt because I had tried to avoid feelings and then he'd convinced me he genuinely cared. I still don't really understand what happened. I don't think guys can handle a FWB relationship unless they think it's on their terms.
Lipitor11 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I had originally gone on a date with my current fwb, then after awhile, he didn't want anything serious. So, we continued to see each other. And its been almost a year. I don't think every thing is about sex. We do catch up and talk about life, etc,etc. So its nice. I do see potential and whatever happens happens, but I don't keep my hopes up. He's a great lover and I'm attracted to him.
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I dont think it has to be on the guys terms. My fwb with the boyfriend its almost exclusively on her terms. I only get to bang her when she comes to town and comes to my house, i cant visit her in her town because id have to stay at her place and her boyfriend randomly stops by all the time. Its about being clear and sticking to your word. That girl sure i have feelings for her but i keep them in check. I make sure she knows how i feel but if i got upset about something i wouldnt have a leg to stand on because what we have is what we have. Shes moving in with him and i dont like it one bit, but none of my business what she does i dont own her. Did you communicate and define your relationship with him in the beginning? Sounds like he was on the relationship track and you werent... Then by the time you decided to give him a try he was fed up.
central Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 It can work sometimes then. Sounds like you all cared for each other. That's very true. Some started as friends, and some started as lovers, but they all became friends - lasting friends. ktya, yes, my wife knows they were FWB. It's not at all a problem for her.
aprilisi Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 I've had 3. The first one went well, it ended when he got a girlfriend. The second one wasn't a good lover, felt nothing. I think he did. I ended it months ago but got an email just last week. I developed feelings for the third one and it really hurt. Currently back with the first one. He broke up and contacted me. Figured why not? Been with him several months now.
clarky21 Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 i was in an fwb relationship once for about half a year...now we are in a committed relationship for 5 months and i works out well So in my experience, everything can happen with ''FWB's'', but not everyone is feeling good with this at first, especially, if they happen to be in committed relationships only before.
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