Mla Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 It must have been over 9 months now! He moved in straight away I pushed myself to sleep with two people in beginning and hated it as to me my ex was perfect in every way and I was comparing and just got upset There's been nobody since! I have this believe il never find the full package tht I had again whether it's shallow reasoning or not was important to me everythin was perfect plus attraction and my type and our connection I believe was my first love , I thought my first ex was until I met him I thought by now would av been easier but I still cry and long for and want him I still don't want anyone else and anyone I try to give chance thy do not compare in slightest I miss company and I'm bored n lonely but too scared to get used to someone again and attached n hurt but more so the disappointment of never finding wa I had, I av these upsetting thoughts of wantin to wait for him to return or become a nun so I'm not disappointed in my efforts to try find the connection I had with him again I know if sounds ridicoud but jus wanted to vent my thoughts, admittedly I'm doing a tiny bit better with the medication my doctor started me on yet I still see no light at end of tunnel and hate that he moved on in a potentially better relationship and gettin on with life while I'm still so do hard and long in for him while I'm probably forgotten about I know it takes as long as it takes but how long is a peice of string I guess?
dclan Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 The problem is that, when you started dating again, you sort of did because you felt you had to do it, in order to get over your ex . Although its understandable, its not healthy in the long run . Regarding your question, it could take a few more months, or years, there isn't an exact time, it depends on how long your relationship was, how good it was, and how you as a person handle things (some people can get over things in a few months, others need more time). But here is my advice: put your love life on hold . Don't think about dating for a few months (like 4 months, or 6 months). And focus on doing other stuff, like watching movies, hanging out with friends, etc. When you feel the need to actually sleep with someone, it will be because you truly want to sleep with them, and not because you feel like its best so you forget about your ex. Let me give you my example: I was in an 8 year relationship. She broke up with me. 2 months after the breakup, I went out on my first date, with a coworker. She was beautiful,and fun....we ended up in my apartment....but sex wasn't very good......wasn't really that bad either, but it was clearly not something worth repeating. Now, I don't really think it was because of lack of chemistry, but it was because I didn't really want to be with another girl, I wanted my ex-girlfriend, the girl I loved. In fact I remember that night, and I was doing things the same way you did, making myself sleep with her so I would forget.:bunny: After that date, I decided to take 3 months, of not dating. Friday night: playstation 3 until I fell asleep. Saturday night: movies with best friend. And so on...for around 3 or 4 months. Eventually, when I met my current GF, I started dating her, because I REALLY LIKED HER, not because I thought I had to date her in order to move on. Those 4 months I spent without going on dates (because I wasn't ready), were good for me, helped me move on. So really...just relax, what happened to you, is common. Some people need dates, others need loneliness, in order to heal. 1
NYC-BigKat Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 It must have been over 9 months now! He moved in straight away I pushed myself to sleep with two people in beginning and hated it as to me my ex was perfect in every way and I was comparing and just got upset There's been nobody since! I have this believe il never find the full package tht I had again whether it's shallow reasoning or not was important to me everythin was perfect plus attraction and my type and our connection I believe was my first love , I thought my first ex was until I met him I thought by now would av been easier but I still cry and long for and want him I still don't want anyone else and anyone I try to give chance thy do not compare in slightest I miss company and I'm bored n lonely but too scared to get used to someone again and attached n hurt but more so the disappointment of never finding wa I had, I av these upsetting thoughts of wantin to wait for him to return or become a nun so I'm not disappointed in my efforts to try find the connection I had with him again I know if sounds ridicoud but jus wanted to vent my thoughts, admittedly I'm doing a tiny bit better with the medication my doctor started me on yet I still see no light at end of tunnel and hate that he moved on in a potentially better relationship and gettin on with life while I'm still so do hard and long in for him while I'm probably forgotten about I know it takes as long as it takes but how long is a peice of string I guess? Uh...I haven't been in any relationships but I feel really really lonely a lot too just like u. I hate feeling this way its so so depressing. I just want my new job to get my mind off this stuff u know .
PachucaSunrise Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 The problem is that, when you started dating again, you sort of did because you felt you had to do it, in order to get over your ex . Although its understandable, its not healthy in the long run . Regarding your question, it could take a few more months, or years, there isn't an exact time, it depends on how long your relationship was, how good it was, and how you as a person handle things (some people can get over things in a few months, others need more time). But here is my advice: put your love life on hold . Don't think about dating for a few months (like 4 months, or 6 months). And focus on doing other stuff, like watching movies, hanging out with friends, etc. When you feel the need to actually sleep with someone, it will be because you truly want to sleep with them, and not because you feel like its best so you forget about your ex. Let me give you my example: I was in an 8 year relationship. She broke up with me. 2 months after the breakup, I went out on my first date, with a coworker. She was beautiful,and fun....we ended up in my apartment....but sex wasn't very good......wasn't really that bad either, but it was clearly not something worth repeating. Now, I don't really think it was because of lack of chemistry, but it was because I didn't really want to be with another girl, I wanted my ex-girlfriend, the girl I loved. In fact I remember that night, and I was doing things the same way you did, making myself sleep with her so I would forget.:bunny: After that date, I decided to take 3 months, of not dating. Friday night: playstation 3 until I fell asleep. Saturday night: movies with best friend. And so on...for around 3 or 4 months. Eventually, when I met my current GF, I started dating her, because I REALLY LIKED HER, not because I thought I had to date her in order to move on. Those 4 months I spent without going on dates (because I wasn't ready), were good for me, helped me move on. So really...just relax, what happened to you, is common. Some people need dates, others need loneliness, in order to heal. Excellent, EXCELLENT words of wisdom. Thank you for this, as I am in a very similar situation. Sometimes allowing the hurt to settle in and actually feeling it brings you back to yourself, little by little. Important not to get stuck there, of course, but pushing yourself to date with the hopes of masking the uncomfortable feelings is usually only a temporary fix. Mia, I completely understand your pain. I promise you - it DOES get better. Don't force yourself into any situation you're not ready for yet - it will only cause your more agony and confusion. I've tried it myself and it just doesn't work. You may not want anyone else RIGHT NOW, but one day you will. There is no timetable with a situation like this. It may not happen today, tomorrow, or even next month, but you WILL be able to love again. Keep your chin up, be good to yourself, and take this time to enjoy your friends and family. Exercise is another EXCELLENT outlet. If you don't already, give it a whirl - it's amazing how good you will feel about yourself after a tough work out. "I thought my first ex was until I met him." This statement is very telling. Eventually, when you met someone new and discover that perfect connection (which you will), it will probably be even better than you could ever imagine, and you just may be saying this about your current ex! Trust me, you will know when the time is right. For some reason, your relationship just wasn't meant to work out at this time, and that's okay. There IS a light at the end of your tunnel, and you will most likely find it when you least expect to.
Justaguy30 Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I feel your pain, after breaking up with my ex. Actually the night we broke up I went to the bars and got drunk and went home with a woman. She was very attractive and wanted to have sex and we almost did but I couldn't do it. After that horrifying reality I wasn't sure if I could be with someone else but at that moment I realized that what I was about to start recovering from was much bigger and deeper than anything I had dealt with before. Dating can be really tough because finding someone you truly mesh with is difficult but perhaps you should go on a bunch of dates just for fun. See whats out there and maybe you will find that you could be open to a different type. I think its all about accepting that you didn't know he was your type before so how could you expect to find someone just like him or know that the next person that is different isn't the new love of your life. Just keep an open mind but do not force yourself to move on. For me I want to move on and am ready to at least casually date someone but I am still caught up on her. When you start thinking about him just tell yourself "Its over" and you will be better off without someone that didn't truly love you as harsh as that sounds. If he loved you as much as you love him you would still be together and you deserve someone who cares as much about you as you care about them. Without that you don't have a relationship you have someone that has control over your entire life because they know you are helpless to their power. I have been there and its no good. You will find someone new but you have to picture in your mind who you want to meet and how its going to be with that person. I suggest doing so every night.
siochana Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Of course, that all assumes that you are getting the opportunity to meet and date other women. What happens to a lot of guys is that there women leaves, takes up with another guy soon after (and gets lots of offers in between) while they flounder unable to meet someone else. Salt in the wounds. For my money, it will always be a little easier for women, especially attractive ones, because they will always have guys interested in them.
edgygirl Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I hear you. I went on a date with a really really attractive guy, more than my ex... and I couldn't give a shyte. I am talking with other guys too, trying to think I'll have the same connection with someone... but mostly I feel sick to my stomach to have to do it.
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