romavespa Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I've read so many posts about how a dumper may feel and how a dumpee feels. Two different stages of emotions. My EX of 1.5 years of living together and making plans to buy a house were destroyed on day when I came home with a letter on the table saying it's over. This was after a previous week of looking at houses and making summer vacation plans. Many people say that she was damn good actress. Maybe she never truly loved me even though I gave 110% of my love as a spouse. She said she loved me but "wasn't in love with me" crap. She was going through long term Effexor issues (anti-depressants) and I have no doubt that her irrational sudden breakup was no doubt motivated by that. I heard Effexor and Lexapro really **** up people's brains. I didn't beg or plead. I did ask her if she was sure about this she said she wanted to get over her meds and the withdrawal without me, even though we had made plans to get through it together. I went into NO CONTACT asap. Returned every gift she ever gave me. It killed me to do that. I doubted all the gifts and their sincerity. I have dated and found a nice woman with an instant connection. This was after many months of online ****. I still find it hard to not cry over my ex. When she seemed stable, it was heaven. I've never heard from her. I guess she employed no contact like I did. Either because she really didn't love me at all or just trying to cope with the withdrawals, ending a good relationship impulsively and guilt. I don't know. I'm still bleeding after 3 months knowing that the one woman who I really wanted to live out my days with rejected me. No closure whatsoever. I'll never contact her. That would be humiliating. ANY THOUGHTS PEOPLE would be appreciated
BC1980 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 You really can't do anymore than what you are doing. If someone wants to leave, they are usually done at that point. Chasing doesn't help. Hanging onto false hope just ensures that you never move on. My ex left me after 3 years, and, in the weeks immediately before, he was excited about getting married, talking about where we should go for our honeymoon, what kind of cake we should have, ect. I think it's really difficult to get over being blindsided like that because you struggle with what was real and what was fake. You will never know in the end, and you simply have to accept that. Kudos to you for maintaining NC because so many people, myself included, struggle with that. I have been NC for 6 months now, and I feel better than I thought I would. I've heard from him once in that time, and I never responded. It's okay to still be hurting after only 3 months. I was an absolute mess at 3 months. It does get better, but I can't say it doesn't hurt when I think of him. I think the person becomes less relevant to your life as time goes on, but I don't think it's ever going to feel good. 1
irresolute Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I've read so many posts about how a dumper may feel and how a dumpee feels. Two different stages of emotions. My EX of 1.5 years of living together and making plans to buy a house were destroyed on day when I came home with a letter on the table saying it's over. This was after a previous week of looking at houses and making summer vacation plans. Many people say that she was damn good actress. Maybe she never truly loved me even though I gave 110% of my love as a spouse. She said she loved me but "wasn't in love with me" crap. She was going through long term Effexor issues (anti-depressants) and I have no doubt that her irrational sudden breakup was no doubt motivated by that. I heard Effexor and Lexapro really **** up people's brains. I didn't beg or plead. I did ask her if she was sure about this she said she wanted to get over her meds and the withdrawal without me, even though we had made plans to get through it together. I went into NO CONTACT asap. Returned every gift she ever gave me. It killed me to do that. I doubted all the gifts and their sincerity. I have dated and found a nice woman with an instant connection. This was after many months of online ****. I still find it hard to not cry over my ex. When she seemed stable, it was heaven. I've never heard from her. I guess she employed no contact like I did. Either because she really didn't love me at all or just trying to cope with the withdrawals, ending a good relationship impulsively and guilt. I don't know. I'm still bleeding after 3 months knowing that the one woman who I really wanted to live out my days with rejected me. No closure whatsoever. I'll never contact her. That would be humiliating. ANY THOUGHTS PEOPLE would be appreciated I don't think she broke up with you because the antidepressants. Seriously? Maybe she was depressed because she was with you and the antidepressants gave her the strength to finally break up... think about it. Maybe it's too painful to realize it for you. I'm sorry you're hurting.
Griesfootball Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I cry a lot over my ex who broke it off with me, had all the talks of what the future would be like and how excited we were. One thing people don't understand is that guys do cry, I cried my face off so let it out and start the process forward
BC1980 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I cry a lot over my ex who broke it off with me, had all the talks of what the future would be like and how excited we were. One thing people don't understand is that guys do cry, I cried my face off so let it out and start the process forward I think men are more conditioned by society not to show emotions and to move on. Women, on the other hand, get to cry to their friends, and it's okay. Women definitely have it easier in that regard. People expect us to cry and get all emotional.
LostOnes05 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 There is no shame is crying bro! When people do things like that, it actually hurts. That restless, can't sleep, can't eat feeling doesn't go away overnight. It takes time. Fortunately for you, you have already met someone who seems nice. Focus on her and bettering yourself as a man (not just for her). Take this time to pick up new hobbies, join a gym, reconnect with friends and enjoy life. No matter what your heart tells you...always listen to that gut feeling and use your head to come to a decision. She wasn't right for you and thankfully you no longer have ties to her. Imagine what your life would be like if you had bought the house, got married, and had kids. I think moving out, paying alimony to an ungrateful person, and only seeing your children on the weekend is a much harder pill to swallow! Be upset but when you come to the same realization I had above, you will be much happier.
ProcessingThisBU Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Hi bro! My case is somewhat similar to yours, 'cause after 2 years of relationship, she told me that there were no sparks anymore. We lived pretty intense things in those 2 years, (loss of her parents) so I thought the relationship was strong. Anyway, same case, I was at NC asap (that later transformed into LC 'cause she worked for the same company) but since she left, (a month and a week) I implemented NC and haven't heard from her at all. Zero. This hurts me 'cause I think she didn't love me at all, that she didn't care about all the things we lived together. And usually I make myself histories about how wonderful her life might be right now... Today is specially a bad one. I'm 4 months since BU and still miss her a lot, and still wondering what the hell happened. So keep going, I think that work on ourselves is the best way to deal with this. Some people here on LS comment that after some time on working on themselves and going through grief they started to feel better and to really improve. I wish you the best.
Michael 93 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I for one struggled with NC OP. So I commend you for keeping that up and continuing. Please ensure you are busy and rarely alone this well help to keep your head occupied. It is extremely difficult to imagine life losing the woman who once meant so much to you. And I for one know exactly how that feels. However, there came a point where I thought why am I doing this? Its wasting my time, Im getting nowhere and only really embarrasing myself further. I implemented NC after going to see her, and although the meeting was pleasant and we agreed we would stay in touch I said to myself I'm not going to be the one to chase, after all she left me. I haven't heard from her since. that's been 17 days. Sure I still think about her everyday, but by going NC my thoughts and feelings are slowly entangling themselves and I'm starting to look at the situation differently which I'm guessing is happening to you? The fact she hasn't tried to get in touch, really says it all and that is quite upsetting to think it was all so worthless. But I continue to fight and hope that one day I can look back at this and think it just wasnt worth it. I am glad you are doing well. Mike 2
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